Snippet #2417556

The sun bellowed of delightful rays of light from the sky. The rays landed everywhere it was currently daytime, but it one spot those rays seemed brighter. This was of course on Biscuit von Von the Handsome and Heroic! He had gotten his quest to slay the Dark Lord Kalapenis two, no three, maybe four… a number of days ago, stopping now a town along the way to pick up food and toothpaste. As usually though ladies could not help but swam towards his perfect body, or what they assumed was his perfect body.
A cool summer breeze drifted by and conveniently at the moment all the women got chills from looking at Biscuit, and NO OTHER REASON. The girls squealed and some fell down, were all of these even ladies? Biscuit shook his head; he had drifted out for existence for a bit over a certain ladies pair of beauty. ”Ladies now if you would excuse me I have thing to buy,” they didn’t budge, actually he doubted they could hear him over the nearby goblin attack.
…
”SHIT,” Biscuit shouted as he remembered this hoard of people were crowding around him because they were under attack, and that one over they his beauty, he liked that one.
”Excuse me, pardon me, got some saving to do. Goddamn… move it.” Biscuit was getting real sick of all these people from this unimportant town, who wanted HIS HELP getting in HIS WAY. He knew what had to be done, he’d use THAT technique. He began to scream, first it was almost to quiet to be heard, but it quickly became louder and louder. There was no way the goblins weren’t paralyzed with fear and awe at such a manly shout!
”Manly Technique! MANLY CHARGE OF TERROR!” He heard the crowd of people gawk in awe and finally move out of his as the technique took place. The seemingly simple technique was anything but, leaning forward with his armoured shoulder pointed towards the three goblins, this attack was imbued with his essence of man!
Yeah it’s just a normal shoulder charge.
The unsuspecting goblins who thought they could torment and beat this villagers let loose screams of utter terror as the mass of metal flew towards them. Letting loose a cry of Biscuit smashed his shoulder into the face of the beast and proceeded to stand of straight, launching the poor soul into the air with a caved in face. The two other ones were no longer as confident about stealing from the villagers, they tried to slowly back away, but they’re tiny legs were no match for the sexiest stride in the world. Leaning in close to the faces of the goblins he whispered,
”Did you kill anyone?” The goblins shuddered a quietly, almost inaudibly replied
”N-no sir,” Biscuit turned around and looked at the awe inspired crowd, they sure looked fine
”So what did you little imbeciles do?” The goblins awkwardly looked at each other and thought heavily about staying silent,
”We were just scouting, but we got spotted, apparently our sheep outfit wasn’t very good…” Biscuit turned around again and did indeed she crumbled pieces of white cardboard.
”Well, one of you is going to go back and tell the Dark Lord who the manliest man of them all are, the other is going to play soccer with the sexiest man alive, you have 5 seconds to pick. Biscuit stood up straight once more and began to slowly count down as the goblins frantically pointed at one another. The seconds ran out, the goblins turned slowly towards Biscuit as he began to heartily laugh!
”Also, tell the Dark Lord Kalapenis to send me a challenge next time! Grabbing one at random he tossed it behind him, the other goblin swallowed a huge gulp of air and looked at Biscuit desperately, ”Sorry buddy, you lost the lotto, ULTIMATE FINISHER!” Pulling his leg a high as he could into the air above the goblin, which was quite high for a man fully suited in armour, Biscuit ended the ‘fight’ ”MAAAAAAANLY STOOOOMP!
The crashing a smashing of bones and stone from the market square they were end sent echoes of manliness across the city, all the men who weren’t there suddenly felt a little less masculine, all the ladies everywhere felt a little more aroused he was sure. Raising his leg from the tiny crater he had created Biscuit turned to the crowd and dropped the most amazing line he could think of,
”Ladies I’d quickly grow tired of easy fights like that, but looking at you girls is never exhausting,” Biscuit winked with his bright green eyes and turned to go buy the supplies he needed too. Then he needed to find the witch lady that started stalking him a few days ago so he could get a move on, but he almost forgot, he also had to write a letter to send to the Princess! ’Uuugh, I HATE writing letters.’