wednesday 2nd september
at home
Despite his bad mood, he couldn't help but smile at her excitement. But inside, something sank at the thought of letting her down. He didn't know how he was going to make it until then. He didn't know if he wanted to get through the next few days. But he also didn't want to let her down.
"Yeah, I'm serious. It'll be good to get out of the house for a bit," he said, allowing himself a genuine smile, despite those dark thoughts leeching his happiness. If he could forget what was going to go down in the next few days, he'd be fine. He could imagine that he only had a few days of normal school before the trip. Nothing bad was going to happen.
"I'll bring a guitar, you bring your violin, we can have a real unusual jamming session there," he said. The depersonalization that so often came with his anxiety and depression was getting bad- he still felt like he was talking about somebody else, like he was planning a trip for somebody that wasn't him. He himself wasn't going to make it that far.
He glanced at the alarm clock on his dresser. "Do you have to be home for any particular time?" he asked. He felt bad, but he kinda wanted to be alone. He simultaneously wanted to be alone and with her- again, like two different people. He didn't know how to handle this.
"Yeah, I'm serious. It'll be good to get out of the house for a bit," he said, allowing himself a genuine smile, despite those dark thoughts leeching his happiness. If he could forget what was going to go down in the next few days, he'd be fine. He could imagine that he only had a few days of normal school before the trip. Nothing bad was going to happen.
"I'll bring a guitar, you bring your violin, we can have a real unusual jamming session there," he said. The depersonalization that so often came with his anxiety and depression was getting bad- he still felt like he was talking about somebody else, like he was planning a trip for somebody that wasn't him. He himself wasn't going to make it that far.
He glanced at the alarm clock on his dresser. "Do you have to be home for any particular time?" he asked. He felt bad, but he kinda wanted to be alone. He simultaneously wanted to be alone and with her- again, like two different people. He didn't know how to handle this.