Snippet #2666325

Christopher

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Celine pushed me in through the doors to the sitting room. I heard the soft click of the doors locking behind me.
What the hell?
I looked around and saw her. She was sitting on the couch hugging her knees to her chest and rocking back in forth as if she was having a panic attack.
Savannah.
She hasn't noticed me yet. I don't know if i actually want her to notice me. It'd probably be best if I just leave but Celine locked the doors on me. Runes don't work on the Institute doors anyway.
For once in my life, I don't know what to do. Should I talk to her? Should I just stand here? Should I scream and yell at her for being such a fucking bitch to me?
I just stand there. Frozen.
Suddenly she looks up, not at me but out the window on the other side of the room. I look too. The sun is setting and the orange and pink light is spilling through the window, lighting up her hair and making her eyes glow.
She looks like a painting or photograph. I don't paint but looking at her like this makes me wish I could.
"I know you're there Christopher." she says all of a sudden. Her voice is surprisingly steady considering how she looked a minute ago, "What do you want?"
I blink. I don't think i was expecting her to talk to me.
Savannah stands up and faces me, golden light glistening on her dark hair, "I said, what do you want?" she says slightly louder.
I know what happens when I don't answer. She's about to start yelling me riiiiiiiight about-"
"WHAT DO YOU WANT CHRISTOPHER? WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE? YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING OR ANYONE BUT YOURSELF AND ANYONE WHO COULD POSSIBLY CARE ABOUT YOU, YOU JUST PUSH THEM AWAY!"
I was expecting the yelling but it feels as if I've been punched in the stomach. I can't breathe and all I can do is stand there and try not to show it.
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" She's making a strange face, almost squinting but... different.
I butt in, "Why are you making a weird face?" I blurt out.
"BECAUSE YOU SAID I WAS WEAK SO I'M TRYING NOT TO HAVE FEELINGS LIKE YOU BECAUSE APPARENTLY THAT MAKES YOU STRONGER!"
Oh
"Savannah that's not going to-"
"I AM NOT WEAK OKAY?!" she screams, not seeming to hear me.
Now it's my turn to yell, "YOU ARE SO WEAK TO LET FEELINGS GET TO YOU LIKE THAT! YOU'RE A DEAD WEIGHT TO SHADOWHUNTERS! A DISGRACE!' The words hurt like fire coming out of my mouth and as soon as I've said them, I immediately regret it.
I can tell Savannah is trying so hard to hold back tears. I can see in her eyes that I've just shattered something inside her. All of a sudden a wave of emotions comes crashing over me. I want to run to her. To hug her and say I'm sorry. To tell her all the things I wish I could. I don't want to stay mad at you. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. I'm so, so sorry Savannah.
I miss you.
But I don't. Because...
Because I don't know.
Because I'm afraid.
Afraid she'll push me away and scream at me to leave. Afraid she'll do what I did to her and push me to the ground and look at me, disgusted.
"What are you thinking?" She says in a choked voice.
I turn away as I feel tears pricking the back of my eyes. I haven't cried for so long.
I walk to the other set of doors, "It doesn't matter." I whisper and walk out.