Introduction
new york city. the place that so many flock to in the hopes that their hopes and dreams will come true. be that those who go in search of love, of fame, of success in their chosen field, in pursuit of a dream... the city can wear them down after a while, but still the newest dreamers come, with their hopes and hearts on their sleeves, hoping that they will succeed above all else.
of course, it isn't just a city of dreamers. some chose to live there because it was the only place they could find work. some grew up there and never left. some fall somewhere between, those who long and who dream but know that the city isn't some magical place where dreams come true, despite what the movies attempt to convey.
this is the story of two people. one a dreamer, believing that america and new york are places where dreams truly will come true. one who has grown up in the city and knows its beauty, but also that it can wear people down just as easily. something pushes them together, but something even stronger pulls them apart, determined that they are not to be.
face claim: alberto rosende
played by: icat
face claim: angus eaton
played by: the writer's voice
- 17 posts here • Page 1 of 1
The Story So Far... Write a Post » as written by 2 authors
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here
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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
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This was nothing new. It seemed like every time they spoke, they argued. There was times when Samuel wondered why the hell they were still together. But then Jamie showed up with a smile and an apology, they kissed and made up, and even though they both knew that it was going to happen again, they let it go and pretended that this time, this time it would be better. Samuel didn't want to let go. It hurt like hell sometimes, and he felt like he was a fool for letting his heart win, but there had been a reason he'd fallen in love with Jamie in the first place. That spark was still there. Sometimes. Less and less, but... it was still there at least.
"Be right back, babe," he said, kissing Jamie on the cheek and picking up his beer. He needed to find Ris, check in on him. The night was still young, and he wanted to make sure his roommate wasn't too drunk just yet.
Setting
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He clung to the kitchen, where they'd settled a keg below the island counter after Ris got his big burly Russian coworker Lexei to haul it up here. He knew that his friends would want him to do a keg stand later, but he'd held off for now. He shrugged off his coat and promised he wouldn't pour himself a third glass of whiskey before ten o'clock, and stood in the kitchen sipping on his second glass and willing the clock to tip past nine thirty. There was only so much whiskey left in his glass, and soon Samuel would be coming after him wondering how much he already had to drink.
Ris made his way to the balcony when the clock hit ten, carrying a third glass with a stronger whiskey and a cigarette tucked between his lips waiting to be lit once he hit the balcony doors. This was his usual spot when he needed air, and the party thickened the longer it went on, so he felt trapped in the room. There were many parties were he welcomed the entrapment, downing liquor like water in a desert and dancing in the throngs of people who certainly didn't deserve to trash their place with the rent they didn't pay. He lit the cigarette once his elbows hit the balcony railing, unfurling a puff of smoke, and downed half the glass and managed to keep the sour look off his face. He notices Samuel breaking away from the party, and he turns his back again, watching the bustling traffic of New York.
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here
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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x
Like Ris. God, Ris was one of those people that Samuel would have definitely crushed on, but would have never stood a chance with. Even as he stood alone on the balcony, he just looked so... Samuel didn't even have words for it.
"Hey." He stood beside Ris, back against the balcony, his hands in his pockets. "Getting kinda busy in there, huh."
It was strange. There was times when he and Ris could talk for hours about anything and everything. There were times when they could sit in comfortable silence as Samuel drew or read. And then there were times when they just spoke in few words, because they just said enough. Samuel didn't know what kind of conversation this was going to be. Sometimes, Ris got hard to read. Samuel didn't know what caused it, but he also knew not to ask. He lifted his beer and took a sip from it. "Good call on getting that keg, by the way. I severely underestimated how much beer we'd need," he added with a grin.
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Ris smirked, eyes focused on the beer and not the lips they were about to touch. The whiskey he'd already drank was starting to move through his system, already loosening the filter he placed on strict control of his scattered mind. Another drag of smoke, moving into the air like the dancers they'd left inside. "When Lexei around, there never enough beer," Ris replies, turning in a similar fashion to his roommate with his back against the railing and finding the Russian mentioned already ten seconds into a keg stand.
His eyes also found Sam's boyfriend once again. He kept a scowl from his face, a more neutral expression coming over as he took another drag of the cancer stick in his hand. "How's boyfriend? Seems to have good time," Ris offers in an innocent comment, finishing off the glass in his hand and mentally preparing himself to cut off any lengthy conversation about Jamie with an excuse to get another drink. It wasn't like he didn't want Sam to be happy or be in a relationship, but with the fights he wasn't supposed to see and yelling he wasn't supposed to hear, it didn't seem like Sam was all too happy. He wanted to support Sam and listen to his problems but on nights like this, when him and Jamie were at least acting fine, his chest hurt a little to much to be a tentative ear.
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here
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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x
A comment about Jamie made Samuelβs smile feel suddenly too forced. They didnβt talk about it that much, but Samuel knew that Ris had heard their arguments. It was hard not to hear them. And Samuel didnβt know how he felt about that. It felt personal, like those fights shouldnβt have been heard by anyone but them. But at the same time, there was something comforting about having someone that did know. Someone they didnβt have to pretend with. But god, watching those arguments had to be uncomfortable.
βI think heβs having a good time. He... enjoys these kind of parties. Lots of people to talk to. Always networking, even when heβs not at work or studying,β he said with a smile. He wondered if Ris could tell that the smile was forced, that what heβd said sounded too harsh without the smile. Sometimes it stung, being left behind by his own boyfriend. Whenever they went to events, Jamie was able to talk to anyone, a perfect social butterfly, while Samuel followed along after, able to hold his own, but feeling so out of place. Heβd seen the looks of surprise, of confusion, when it transpired that he was an artist. Some seemed almost disappointed. Like they thought he wasnβt good enough. Samuel couldnβt help but wonder if Jamie sometimes felt the same way.
He pulled the blazer a little tighter around himself, a little cold. βWhat about you? Are you enjoying yourself?β He felt like the fact that Ris was all by himself out on the balcony was enough of an answer, but he still had to ask.
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The cute artist that had an unfortunately attractive boyfriend. But tonight, Sam doesn't seem to want to talk about him either. "Jamie good talker. But sometimes talk too much. No offense, Sam," Ris replies, laughing softly. His father used to say that people who are always talking usually don't have anything important to say. He couldn't deny the fact that Jamie was a highly successful man, but from the moment they met, Ris and Jamie weren't exactly friends. Maybe Jamie could sense the feelings Ris had for Sam.
He sighs at Sam's question, taking one last hit of the cigarette before extinguishing it against the balcony. "Good party. Just... long week." Ris answers half-heartedly, swirling his empty glass in his hand and wanting to grab the bottle the next time he came out. It was getting close to the second anniversary of his parents' passing, and their best barista at the bakery was leaving, forcing the manager to place Ris on coffee duty as well. But, that was no excuse to bring Sam down with his own problems. "All more reason to have fun, yes?" Ris jokes, moving back towards the party, if only to grab another drink. He turns back to Sam with a smile, "Don't let talky boy get you down. This your party, enjoy it."
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here
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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x
Samuel watched Ris' posture change slightly before he answered the question. He'd hardly picked up on it- between college, and then trying to figure all this out, and then... more arguing with Jamie. Over the phone, of course, but that didn't make it any better. He felt kind of bad that he hadn't realised his roommate was so stressed. But before he could say anything, Ris was already moving back in towards the party.
"Thanks. You're right. And Ris? If you ever need to talk... about that long week, I'm here." He said with a smile. He turned back out to watch the city pass for a bit. Even though he'd grown up in it, he knew there was so much left to see. So much he hadn't seen. So much to explore. Some day, he'd have time to do it. Some days, he felt like leaving it all behind. Just hiding from real life and his responsibilities and just... exploring the city. And then he sighed and got back to reality, because as hard as it was, he wasn't going to leave it behind. Not for the world.
"Hey." He glanced over his shoulder to see Jamie standing at the door. "Hey. Pretty, isn't it?" Samuel said, nodding at the view. "Yeah." Jamie came over to stand behind him, putting an arm around his shoulders. Samuel leaned against him, hoping that this would be one of those moments that stayed peaceful, that he could stay in forever.
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And for a moment, as Sam turned back to look towards the skyline outside their apartment, Ris wanted to go back and pour out all the emotions he'd been feeling in the past week. There were so many things to say that cemented his feet to the floor the moment he thought about actually saying him. The only thing that made him leave was a nudge against his shoulder, which was Jamie brushing past him. Ris lets the whiskey moving through his system urge a glare in Jamie's direction, and moves back into the party, eyes moving toward the kitchen full of his coworkers.
A loud shout roars across the tiny kitchen as the Russians notice him coming. He pulls a smirk and declares strongly, "I do keg stand now. Beat everyone." A crowd starts to form in the kitchen as Lexei moves over to help Ris with the keg. There is a collective shout of each number as Ris gulps down the beer from the keg, horribly nasty but very cheap. Each number helped him forget of the boy against the railing, and his boyfriend who wasn't leaving anytime soon. He bangs on the keg when he can't take anymore, and he got just enough gulps down to pass the longest time at the party.
Then he decides to be stupid. Being stupid wasn't new to drunk Ris, but stomping over and pulling Lexei's face to his was definitely new. A holler rang in his ears but it all quieted, like he couldn't hear anything but his heart beating wildly. Lexei's eyes are wide and surprised when Ris pulls away, but he moves back in because he could forget about Sam when his lips were pressed against someone else's.
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here
βββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x
And then Ris kissed another man. Sam recognised him but couldn't put a name to him. He couldn't put a word to this feeling. He was happy for Ris. But at the same time, it felt like his stomach had plunged through the floor, twisting and turning the whole way down. There was a moment where it felt like time had stopped. Then Sam was suddenly hyperaware of the arm still around his shoulders, of his expression. He fixed his grin back on his face, ran a hand through his hair, swallowed the confusion and... whatever the other feeling was, and turned to Jamie.
"Another drink?"
"Yeah, sure."
Jamie was looking at his phone- there was a chance he hadn't even noticed Samuel's change in expression. So Sam straightened up, went to the kitchen, forcing himself not to look, and grabbed two bottles of beer. Ris was his roommate. Somebody else would mean a chance in dynamic. Somebody else meant change and... Samuel didn't actively dislike it, but he was happier without it. But maybe Ris would be happier. Maybe it'd feel less strange when Jamie was around.
He'd just about convinced himself that it was going to work out. It was for the better. He'd more or less cheered himself up by the time he got back out to the balcony. And then he saw the look on Jamie's face, an apologetic one that was all too familiar.
"Hey babe, I'm sorry. But they need me in work tomorrow, I need to head back," he said. If he'd been in any other mood, maybe Samuel would have let it go, just for the sake of not causing an argument. But now was not one of those moods. He just... didn't want to be left alone. "Do you have to? You told them you couldn't work this weekend. This is the first weekend we've had together in ages."
And then it just went downhill from there. A few minutes later, they were yelling at each other on the balcony, and then a few minutes later again, Sam was left alone on the balcony as Jamie stormed out. He leaned on the balcony, his face in his hands, taking deep breaths and trying not to cry.
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Plus, the alcohol was getting to him now. Whiskey took a minute to settle in his stomach but once it did he was giggly and hanging onto Lexei like dripping wet clothes. It wasn't until his eyes roamed back to the balcony and noticed the yelling between Sam and Jamie that his mind took hold and stopped the little spin the room was starting to have. He couldn't tear his eyes away from how upset Sam looked and even glared as Jamie stormed out of the party.
Ris gingerly made his way from the party back out to the balcony, giving Sam time to realize he was out here. "Sorry if intruding, but I came see if you're okay?" Ris calls in a soft voice, still obviously drunk but making an effort to at least be coherent and able to listen if Sam needed him. He hesitantly moves toward the balcony, standing close but not yet touching or comforting Sam physically. "You there for me when I need you, I be here for you too." Ris replies again, smiling stupidly at Sam. His eyes catch the skyline and he turns his gaze to it, letting Sam take his time in answering. All the lights were beautiful, it was such a gift to live in a city that never sleeps, because it never stopped being beautiful.
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here
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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x
Risβ physical proximity was almost a bit of a comfort in and of itself. For a moment, Samuel considered going for a hug- then, sharp and clear as broken glass, he saw Ris kissing Lexei, and suddenly, it all feels wrong. This does nothing to help Samuelβs mood, and he has to take a deep breath and turn back to face the lights to stop himself from crying.
βIt was my fault,β he said after a few moments. βI know that much but I still... I had to go and ruin it.β It had been so perfect. The evening, the feeling of Jamieβs arm around his shoulders as they watched the lights go by, that feeling of just being in their own little world. And then heβd had to be selfish. Was the evening just a summary of their entire relationship?
βDonβt let this happen to you, Ris. Just... donβt let yourself get caught up in something like this. Where you just fight and fight and fight, and like a goddamn fool, you still canβt... something just makes you hold on. Tells you the next time will be different.β He knew that seeing Ris in a happy relationship would probably just highlight the cracks in his and Jamieβs, but... he just wanted Ris to be happy. Even if it didnβt make him totally happy.
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"Sam," Ris says purposefully, placing his hands on each side of Sam's face so that the other boy would look at him, faces mere centimeters apart from each other. His eyes flicker to Sam's lips, but that it the last time they stray from the pair of eyes in front of him. "You deserve happy. You deserve love. You deserve affection. Someone buy you flowers and make you wanted." He knew he was skipping words and his English was failing him, but he was determined to push through and give Sam some kind of comfort. The alcohol that was heavy and sweet on his breath wished to give him a different kind of comfort, but there was the restraint that told him that Sam would never want that comfort, even without Jamie.
"No more crying, pretty face. Next time be different. TalΓ‘ljon valakit, aki tΓ©nyleg szeret tΓ©ged." Find someone that really loves you. Unless Sam was suddenly taking Hungarian classes at university, Ris knew he wouldn't understand his last words, and maybe that was a good thing. Ris lets his thumbs rub against Sam's cheeks briefly before he pulls away and leans his stomach against the railing, leaning over to watch the street below.
The street was dizzying, as were his mixed feeling about how the night was going. Soon, he wouldn't have to worry, for the alcohol would take over and he'd be dragged off to bed with a banging hangover to deal with in the morning. For now, he stands up and clutches his head with a loud laugh, stumbling a bit backwards. "Oh, dizzy, haha." Ris giggles.
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here
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xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x
Ris said something to him in Hungarian and Samuel was about to laugh and tell him that he was officially too drunk. And then Ris' thumbs brushed against his cheeks, a gesture that felt too intimate. It felt like Samuel and Ris stepped back at the same time. And Ris looked out over the balcony, watching the street below. Samuel's thoughts were already starting to race- how must that have looked? Had anyone seen? He'd known it wasn't totally right, why hadn't he stopped it?
As his roommate took a step back and laughed about being dizzy, Samuel smiled. "Away from that balcony. Come on, we'll get you some water, yeah? I don't want to have to deal with a grumpy, hungover Andris tomorrow."
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He laughs at himself, moving back towards the party with stumbling steps. "I have mission for you. Learn Hungarian. English too hard for alcohol brain," Ris comments, turning back to look at Sam with a lazy smile and then moving back inside. Immediately he catches eye contact with Lexei, who winks at him. Ris can't help but blush, averting his eyes and moving towards the kitchen. Still, as he makes it over, Lexei walks over and slaps an arm around Sam's shoulders. "Make sure drunkie here get lots of water and sleep, yes?" Lexei almost yells, unaware of how loud he was because of the amount of vodka coursing through his system.
Ris rolls his eyes, moving into the kitchen and managing to hit his head with the fridge door before getting it properly open and grabbing a water bottle, nearly dropping it in the process to close the fridge door. YA ne p'yan," Ris switches to Russian easily, seeing that his father was Russian and almost all of his coworkers are, "Mne ne nuzhen muzhchina. YA nezavisim."**
Lexei laughs, slipping his arm from around Sam's shoulder and taking Ris by the chin. "Shut up and drink water," He answers, kissing Ris one more time before slipping back into the party. Which left Ris standing there, unable to process the second kiss.
* - strong. / drinking is fun.
** - I'm not drunk. / I do not need a man. I am independent.
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here
βββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x
Samuel didn't mean to watch the second kiss. But it happened in front of him, and the feeling in his gut just strengthened. This was wrong. This was so wrong. He shouldn't be feeling anything. While Ris was distracted, Samuel took the moment to slip back into the party himself. Suddenly he felt like an intruder at his own party. He slipped back into his room, and shut the door. Taking a deep breath, he texted Jamie. "I'm sorry, babe."
He just needed a moment. Just one moment. To sober up. The alcohol was talking, that was all. Just the alcohol.
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As guests started to dwindle and the hours moving from late to early, Ris wanted nothing more than a whole pack of cigarettes to numb the swirling thoughts in his head. But instead, he sits himself in front of Sam's door, resting his head against it and closing his eyes to stop the room from spinning. He manages to doze off until he feels something nudging at his side, and sees Lexei standing above him with a few of his other colleagues. Before any of them can speak, he just mumbles out a grumpy, "Fuck off." The group of colleagues laugh and make comments about 'Ris the drunkie' before making their way out of the apartment, leaving Ris and Sam to their own apartment once again.
* - you know how I feel about him, why do you kiss me so much?
** - Sam and Jamie aren't breaking up soon. And you deserve to be happy. I can make you happy.
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xxxlocation: apartmentxxxxxxoutfit: here
βββββββββββββββββββββββββββ
xxx"i know i should walk away
xxxbut i just want to let you break my brain.
xxxand i can't seem to get a grip
xxxno matter how i live with it."
x
He wasn't expecting to find Ris against his door. He laughed a little at his roommate. "Regretting that keg stand now, huh?" He teased lightly. Now, everything seemed clearer. Sharper. Now that the alcohol had stopped clouding his mind, he could actually think. Things had just been clouded after the argument with Jamie earlier that day. Ris had always been the one to cheer him up after an argument, so the thought of him not being there was what had been distressing Samuel. And it had just been made worse by another argument. And it made sense in his head and it was convenient, so he wasn't going to argue with that theory. It was something he could afford to dwell on.
"Come on. We'll get you that water," Sam said, holding out a hand to pull Ris to his feet.
- 17 posts here • Page 1 of 1
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in pursuit of a dream
by iCat on Sat Jan 20, 2018 2:10 pm
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in pursuit of a dream
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in pursuit of a dream
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