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Nodoka Kainashiko

"I'm sorry... I'll just... disappear."

0 · 405 views · located in Shinoda

a character in “Royal Pain”, as played by Tsukiakari

Description

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Name: Nodoka Kainashiko
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Class: 4A
Appearance: See the pictures. Short, somewhat matted black hair, blue eyes, and a perpetual wistful look of sadness. Her physique is rather pathetic, although her figure is attractive enough, one might suppose. This thinness, and the way she always walks with her head down, her shoulders slumped, and the occasional stagger in her step give her a rather pitiful image, like a three-legged dog hobbling as best it can.
Freetime Clothing: See the pictures. She usually can be seen wearing either a blue shirt and gray blazer and skirt, or a blue and tan seifuku, her transfer uniform.
Likes: Reading, classical music, cleaning, playing piano, chess, and "talking to her brother." See the picture below and her personality section for more details on that last count.
Dislikes: People who hurt her, getting in anyone's way, causing anyone problems, herself in general, having to talk to people, besides "her brother." Again, see backstory and personality for more details.
Favorite Subjects: Literature.
Personality: Nodoka could be summed up quite easily in just one word: sociophobic. She is utterly terrified of having to talk to people or interact socially in any way, shape, or form. This is due to her rather crippling family environment, which has in turn given her a severe inferiority complex and Avoidant Personality Disorder. In essence, she loathes every aspect of herself, and constantly fears being a problem for other people, as well as rejection. While you might drag her into a discussion, her own opinion is so worthless to her that she would probably just seize up and have a panic attack rather than bother the world with hearing her talk. On another note, she's extremely clumsy (due to a rather extreme case of neurosis) when anyone's watching due to constant worrying on her part. She could effortlessly carry, for example, a priceless vase when nobody happened to be looking her way, but if anyone's eye turned to her, she would immediately stumble over something and drop it.

Nodoka has only one person who none of these psychological issues apply to. That is "her brother," the individual pictured below. Her brother Mamoru is her one ray of hope in a void of despair. He is kind to her, reassures her, and makes her feel like she matters. He likes what she likes, does what she does, and loves her in place of the family that did not. However, there is one other very important thing you should know: Mamoru does not actually exist. He only appears to her, and only does so when nobody else is around. You see, Mamoru is nothing but a second personality, an imaginary friend, if you will, which Nodoka created out of loneliness and sadness. She believes fervently that he is the ghost of her still-born twin brother, and is a sort of Guardian Angel for her. Few even know about Mamoru's "existence," but if anyone were ever to find out and deny that "existence," Nodoka, usually a very docile person, would get very, very angry, and then very, very sad. Do not do so. Seriously.
Background: Some elaboration is required. Originally, Nodoka's mother conceived a pair of twins: herself and Mamoru. However, to the family's dismay, Mamoru was still-born, and died. Her mother and father had a somewhat antiquated sense of gender roles, not to mention a rather bad alcohol problem, and, having desperately desired a generically strong, brilliant son, despised the girl they got in his place. Nodoka was raised - if one could call it that - in an environment of abuse, vilification and disparagement. Ironically enough, this caused her parents to end up with a cripplingly shy, neurotic girl, exactly what they did not want. Eventually, verbal abuse gave way to physical abuse, but unlike what one might expect from fictional media, this abuse was quickly discovered due to the number of bruises Nodoka continually sported. Nodoka was taken from her family and placed under guardianship of her widowed aunt - a genuinely nice person, if a bit senile. Try as the kind woman might, however, she could not undo the damage done to the young girl's mind. Despite having undergone treatment at the hands of several different therapists, Nodoka continually gave up on ever being "fixed", and quit going due to "just wasting the therapists' time otherwise."

During her time with her parents, she first "met" Mamoru, creating the alternate personality as a way of comforting herself during and after beatings. It was a way to disconnect from reality, one she frequently used during harassment at school for being the "weird mental kid who talks to invisible people" when new tormentors arose to replace her parents. Transfer followed transfer, and through the years, Nodoka constantly changed places, eventually switching to boarding schools after her aunt's death from disease. She lived alone, never making friends or staying in one location for any more than a year. New guardians were assigned her, but all they really did was send her the occasional shipment of money so she didn't starve or get turned out onto the streets.

And then she was sent to Shinoda. She has only just arrived, but she doesn't look hopefully to her chances of not being singled out as "the mental kid" like always. Having a prince arrive only served to further crush her already almost nonexistent sense of self-worth. After all, who was she compared to such an illustrious personage? No matter how much "Mamoru" reassures her, she just can't get over the psychological trauma caused by her unfortunate childhood.
Clubs: None.

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So begins...

Nodoka Kainashiko's Story

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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As the rather unusual day began, a rather unusual girl noticed several rather unusual people in that unusual place. First there was someone with bright pink hair - Nodoka couldn't tell whether it was a he or a she, which was somewhat unsettling. Then there was an extremely elegant person saying something about tennis - Nodoka didn't know exactly who he was. There was a girl playing a PSP, and another parking a motor bike. Nodoka was one of the few people coming from the dorms still, as most of the other students who lived on campus had showered earlier and headed off to class. She was always late because she was too nervous to shower around other people, or to leave at the same time as them. On the upside, she got to sleep in. On the downside, her day became extremely rushed, and, despite this, she was almost always late. Most people she had known at previous schools had her pegged for a delinquent because of this, and that wasn't an image she liked, given how much in attracted attention. However, all of these matters were quickly knocked from her mind by the most unusual sight of all, a sight which quickly sent her hiding behind the trunk of one of the nearby trees, from which hiding spot she peered out to examine the unusual being she saw sitting nearby.

Kneeling under a Sakura tree, hugging it, and listening to some sort of music was a very, very strange person. His hair looked to be some shade of black, although when it caught the sunlight through the canopy of pink blossoms above him it looked more greenish than raven hued. He seemed to be completely spacing out, something which Nodoka immediately recognized from experience. She remembered how people had said she looked exactly the same way when she spoke to her brother back in Elementary school. Eyes closed, a look of almost sleep-like peace, and speaking to what they perceived as thin air. She had long since accepted that her brother's ghost was invisible to other people, and so had stopped speaking to him in public, on his own advice. He was so kind, thinking of her and how she might be bullied like that, even though speaking to her was the only thing he could do in his spectral state.

Nodoka was quickly snapped out of her reverie by the sound of the music box. It was... actually a really nice sounding song. It quickly caught her attention as the sort of music she quite liked. Somewhere in the back of her mind she was well aware how odd she must have looked, peering out behind the trunk of a tree, her school bag clutched tightly to her chest, her eyes staring with some element of confusion at the boy who seemed asleep under the falling sakura blossoms, but she didn't really care. While she was too shy to approach the strange boy, the music caught her attention and dragged her into the world he must have lived in constantly. It struck a chord somewhere inside her. She wasn't sure what it was, but she couldn't bring herself to leave that beautiful and entrancingly simple melody behind her. Maybe she felt a sort of connection to the strange boy? It was a bit illogical, but he seemed just like her. He sat alone and left the world behind, carried away by the sound of something he cherished.

I think I'll stay here a while, and listen...

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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"Eep!" Nodoka squeaked, darting back behind the tree as Edmund looked up. However, judging by the fact that he started speaking to her a moment later, it seemed that this effort to conceal herself had been made entirely in vain. Slowly, she peeked out from behind the tree again, her large blue eyes locked in an expression somewhat akin to that of a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. She didn't want to bother him, so sitting down next to the strange young man seemed out of the question initially, but he had just asked her to! He had even moved to give her a place to sit down. If she just ran away, she would probably hurt his feelings, or annoy him, or make a thousand other kinds of bad impression. She didn't want to sit next to him, she would only be a nuisance! But she didn't have any other options. Slowly, she nodded, her dark hair fluttering slightly in the breeze that carried a thousand pink petals soaring through the sky, like a shower of tiny gemstones formed into a picturesque quilt across the clear blue sky. Creeping out from her hiding spot, she moved slowly, step by step, as though being forced to by some invisible assailant. Clutching her bag more tightly than ever, her head dropped behind its corner, concealing the lower half of her face just as her long, dark bangs descended to blot out her ocean blue eyes from view. She stumbled slightly over a root, her clumsiness showing just how nervous she really was better than any words could tell, but she caught herself on the tree's trunk, and slowly, painstakingly seated herself, as though afraid that the ground would sink right out from under her and she would sink into the very Earth.

It was pretty clear that Nodoka was a new student here. Her uniform was different from that of the school, probably the seifuku worn at whatever school she had transferred from. Transfer students wearing their old uniforms wasn't all that uncommon, after all. How nervous she was acting only further pointed toward that conclusion. Behind the folds of her school bag, she was biting her lip so hard that it was a wonder that it wasn't bleeding from the strain. She would fidget now and again, as though she was shivering from the cold. But it was still quite warm out, so obviously this cold was not one brought on by the weather. No, it seemed much more obvious why she shivered and quaked: she was afraid. Of what? Of speaking. She didn't think her own words mattered much, but it might offend him if she just sat there quietly. She should have thanked him for putting up with her, or maybe apologized for watching him like that, or... or... she didn't know what to do! What if she said the wrong thing and only made him mad? But surely saying something was better than nothing at all...

The twitching and fidgeting was getting worse. She would open her mouth, and then close it again, and then bite her lip, and then occupy herself with how interesting her fingers suddenly were, and with all the different patterns she could make by pushing them together in different orders, and then she would realize that she needed to say something, and repeat the whole sequence over and over again. It was getting awkward. If she didn't say something soon, he would probably just leave and think she had some sort of mental issue, or something. Her acting all scared would only hurt his feelings, but even if she was going to say something, what should she say?! She gave a furtive glance over to see what the raven-haired one was doing, and if he had left or moved away. Just then, however, something caught her gaze: a small music box, sitting in his lap. That was it! The music!

"S-sorry..." She apologized in a murmur, almost inaudible over the quiet breeze that tossed the cherry blossoms to and fro. "I j-just... liked that music... I-if I'm bothering you... I c-could leave. I don't want to.... to impose."

She did not look up as she spoke, staring with frightened eyes down at the ground, not daring to so much as glance at the one beside her for fear of the expression he might be wearing. She started at every sound, fearing it might be the sound of the raven-haired one moving away so as not to be anywhere near the cripplingly inferior Nodoka, a sound that would simultaneously be Nodoka's salvation and damnation. That would be the sound of the one who she did not feel worthy to speak to departing, leaving her alone with herself, like she deserved. It would mean that she was no longer being a burden upon someone else, but, at the same time, it would only serve to drive home how different she was, and how unworthy she was to even sit under the same tree as someone who she had foolishly hoped might be someone like her. She had felt a connection to him before, but now that she was speaking to him, she wasn't so sure that had been the correct conclusion to come to. How irrational and impulsive of her. Someone as stupid as her had no chance of making a connection with someone else. Why had she thought something so impossible could have come to be? Arrogance.

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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Whatever Nodoka expected, it wasn't a response. She almost jumped at the sound of the boy - Edmund, apparently - actually replying what she had said. Surprise gave way to gratitude, which in turn gave way to additional worry. The raven-haired one was actually assuring her that she had done nothing wrong, even though she'd been caught staring at him from hiding. He seemed so kind, something that the shy girl was not used to. However, this only further strengthened her fears that she would do something wrong and estrange him. The only difference now was that she couldn't bring herself to run away instead of making a fool of herself.

He had restarted the music. It seemed he was talking about it in an attempt to take her mind off of her own awkward arrival.

"It's pretty, isn't it?"

She couldn't easily bring herself to make a response, but she bolstered her courage, reasoning that yes was obviously the right answer. She gave a nod, and spoke up as best she could, although her voice came out somewhat stifled and quiet.

"Y-yes... I really like it," She answered nervously, still fidgeting about with her half intertwined hands, which seemed to be a sort of nervous tic of hers.

"How rude of me. I've yet to introduce myself, as I've rarely ever spoken to you. I'm Edmund Loveguard, and as I remember, I think your name starts with an N? I'm sorry I don't remember, I tend to forget things very easily with my absentminded self." Nodoka's eyes widened in surprise at this. He knew who she was? But how could that be? This was her first time attending this school. Maybe he had been at one of the schools she had attended before? No... she didn't recognize his name. So how did he know her?

"I... I'm Nodoka..." She replied weakly, only returning her name because Edmund had prompted her for it, and she couldn't really refuse without ruining everything and being a pain. "B-but how did you know?" She asked, finally glancing up with confusion showing plainly in the sapphire pools that peeked out from beneath the raven curtains hung before them. "I-I've o-only just transferred here." Her voice grew somewhat more audible, encouraged by the gentle smile on the face of this unusual person.

That smile... It looked almost exactly like the one Mamoru always wore when he appeared to her.

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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"Oh..." Nodoka murmured, beginning to turn away with a slight smile as he made his offer to let her listen to the music box again. "I...I'd l-" She began, only to be cut off by his rather unusual request. Despite the raven hair obscuring her countenance somewhat, a brilliant red flush was quite clear to be seen as it made its way across Nodoka's face in an instant. While any sort of cutesy nickname would have produced a similar effect, the shy one's humiliation at that particular name was even more acute, due to its rather embarrassing meaning, a meaning which the English boy might not have grasped, considering "Nodo" was the Japanese word for "throat."

"Er... ah..." Nodoka stammered the blush growing brighter as her fingers tapped together at a pace more frantic than any they had yet reached, the twitching and fidgeting coming back full force. While she was overjoyed at the unspoken - and perhaps unintentional - signal that Edmund desired to be a close friend with her, it was so sudden and blunt - not to mention badly worded - that the shy one was embarrassed out of her wits. She most certainly didn't want to turn down the proposal for a nickname - while Edmund might have been a foreigner, she was sure he would at least understand that doing so would have been snubbing his offer of friendship. But Nodoka didn't have any other idea for a pet name that would work.

Her name in its entirety was one she felt with no small shame was an appropriate one. "Nodoka" was the Japanese word for "tranquil," "quiet," or, in some cases, "shy." "Kainashiko" was another painfully fitting name, its direct meaning being "Worthless child," something which, in her opinion, described her perfectly. However, as an unintentional side effect of this, her name was essentially impossible to turn into a decent nickname. "Doka" was an onomatopoeia used for a dead body falling to the ground in manga, "Ka-chan" would be a rudely affectionate way to address one's mother, and "Throat-chan" was just plain weird. Her last name yielded similarly embarrassing results, such as "Nashi," or "Pear," "Shiko," or "Walking on one's knees," and "Kai," meaning "Shellfish."

"Th-thank you f-for the offer, b-but..." Nodoka stammered. "Th-that name is... a-awkward..." Quickly she looked up, her dark curtains flying aside to reveal a thoroughly flushed face as she waved her hands about, gesticulating in a manner not even she understood, desperately trying to maintain Edmund's attention long enough for herself to finish. "I d-d-don't mean th-that I d-don't like-" Nodoka realized her incredibly awkward wording, and cut herself off mid-sentence. "Th-that is to say, that I d-don't w-want to talk to you..." She corrected lamely. "B-but... A d-different name would be b-better."

Quickly, her mind wandered wildly, trying desperately to come up with something else. It was then that an idea struck her.

"E-er... M-my middle name... It's Yuuganai," Nodoka murmured, barely able to bring herself to continue speaking from the embarrassment that overflowed from her. While normally she treated her opinion as utter trash, she had implied that she had a better idea than Edmund's, so unless she spoke up, she would be making a colossal error.

Yuuganai was yet another fitting name for the shy girl. Taken literally, it meant "lack of courage." However, if one changed the characters used in "Yuuga," its meaning changed to become "grace," "elegance," or "beauty." It was for this rather selfish - in her opinion - reason Nodoka piped up, requesting this nickname in place of the embarrassing one proposed by the raven haired servant.

"Y-you could c-call me Yuuga... ch-ch-chan... i-if you w-wanted to," She whispered, kicking herself mentally. Edmund probably couldn't even hear her like this, but saying that was so embarrassing. If she had been any less reserved, submissive, desperate, shy, and a thousand other things, she might have slapped Edmund for the gall of suggesting an intimate nickname not five minutes after their first meeting, an action which could quite easily be interpreted as either insensitive or perverted. Such a name was not something usually given quickly, especially not when suggested in such a straightforward manner. The fact that Edmund had done so and gotten a positive response could be considered almost miraculous, if it was not for the nature of the one to whom he spoke.

And what of Nodoka? After speaking her request, she slumped, her head hidden behind her bag and her dark hair. She quivered and shook more than ever before, and even beneath the raven shroud concealing it, her face shone forth like the sun in the clear blue sky above the two, its gleaming hue a vibrant red, a clear testament to just how embarrassed she was at the moment. If this was what the year was going to be like, she wasn't sure if she should have thanked her lucky stars or died then and there from humiliation.

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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Oh no. Now she had done it. By acting so insulted and embarrassed, she had made Edmund feel guilty. Now he was frantically apologizing, degrading himself, and doubtless feeling even more embarrassed than she was! She was such an idiot. She should have just set aside her own stupid opinion and accepted the name gladly. Edmund obviously had meant it to be a great kindness, but she had probably made him feel like he had done something terribly wrong and she was mad at him! There was almost no time to correct this problem before he would doubtless walk away. She didn't have time, she had to do something!

Hearing him stand up only further drove home the panic that was clutching hold of her. Nodoka leaped to her feet as fast as could. She couldn't just let him walk away, not after he had tried to be nice and she had paid him back by making him feel stupid.

"W-wait! Y-you didn't do a-anything wrong, I-I'm just... just... nervous! That's it! It's my f-first day h-here, so wh-when someone started b-being so nice to me out of the blue-I-was-kind-of-overwhelmed!" Nodoka exclaimed, latching onto the first justification - read: excuse - she could think up to help reassure Edmund of his own innocence in the embarrassing matter. "Youdidn'tknow, andIunderstandthatandI- Ah!" She continued. As she spoke, her words grew faster and faster, until they were almost unintelligible due to the desperation taking hold in her heart. She had seen far too many people grow distant after talking to her once, and then leave. She could not let that happen again! Edmund was by far the most kind living person she had met in years, perhaps even in her lifetime. If he walked away, she knew full well that there would be no one to replace such a valuable potential friend. However, her words were cut off by a badly timed accident, prompting her exclamation of surprise.

And so, in this panic, she did not even realize that her foot had become caught under an uplifted root of the tree they had talked under until she was already trying to step forward, anticipating that Edmund would begin walking away. Only after she had shifted her weight into such a precarious position did she realize her mistake - that is to say, only after she had been knocked completely off balance and sent tumbling forward with no hope of righting herself. As she let out one of her surprised squeaks and then fell straight forward, time seemed to slow down, and she analyzed the position she was in. There were several hard roots in the ground below, and most of them were right in her path. She would doubtless strike them head on, which was a painful experience she really didn't look forward to. Mentally she cursed herself - her clumsiness would only make a bad situation worse! Edmund would probably start feeling guilty about her falling trying to catch up with him, which was the thing she least wanted to happen! Still, there was one blessing she could count in her favor: she was at least a pace away from Edmund, meaning she wouldn't hit him unless he placed himself in her way, something which - in so small part due to her own lack of any notion of self-worth - she highly doubted he would do.

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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Nodoka had most certainly not expected what transpired. To her shock and amazement, Edmund leaped forward, catching her mid-fall and launching both of them clear. From someone she had only just met, this act of kindness was, quite frankly, absurd, to her. She couldn't understand why someone would go out of their way to help her. Her, of all people, the one who had been called worthless - no, the one whose very name was worthless. Why would someone put themselves at risk of hurt and pain just to ease her life? Immediately, guilt bubbled up from within. She hoped desperately that Edmund wouldn't harm himself during his fall, because if he did, she would never forgive herself.

She felt the impact slightly, but due to Edmund serving as a cushion as the two fell, she remained unharmed, aside from her quivering, something which had increased tenfold now that she found herself pressed tightly against someone else, an embarrassing situation to begin with, made only worse by the fact that the person whose chest her face was now buried in was a boy who she already admired for kindness. Slowly, she opened her eyes. It was a wonder she could even see Edmund right in front of her past the light that had to have been streaming off of her reddened cheeks. Still, despite how awkward it was, she did not move an inch - aside from her trembling. It might have inconvenienced Edmund for her to start moving without warning, and given how much she had already bothered him, that was the last thing she wanted.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" The shy one whimpered, concern, regret and worry filling every fiber of her voice as she made her frantic apology, tears rising to her eyes unbidden. It might not have seemed like a big deal, but she had so thoroughly failed to do anything right during her entire interaction with Edmund that she couldn't help but want to cry. She had been stupid, and made him feel guilty, then had panicked, and probably made him feel even more guilty, and now, to top it all off, she had tripped because of her own carelessness, guilting him into saving her! If he had hurt himself in the process, Nodoka knew she would probably start sobbing. Even if it did seem strange to do so, her emotions were very fragile things, and if she had caused someone else so much pain as she assumed she had, she could not help but weep from the guilt of it.

"This is all my fault for being so clumsy... I'm sorry!" She apologized again, not daring to look up, and instead staring directly into Edmund's coat as though it was the most intriguing and beautiful thing in the world. She could not tear her eyes away, could not bring them up to see a face upon which she was afraid might be a look of anger, or pain, or, worst of all, worry over her when whether or not she had been injured was completely irrelevant. Even if she had fallen and hurt herself, she would have deserved it, in her opinion.

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"That's still no excuse for me to have caused all of this..." Nodoka murmured, almost inaudibly, looking up slightly, her nervous blue eyes shifting ever so slowly from the uniform that had previously occupied their attention up toward the face of the one wearing that uniform. "I'm such an idiot... Sorry..." The shy one looked away in embarrassment. She had just placed her hands on the earth below to push herself to a sitting position when she heard it.

"You do realize how odd this looks, right?"

Letting out a surprised squeak as she seemed accustomed to do when something surprising or embarrassing happened, Nodoka flung herself backward as fast as she could, the blush upon her face somehow managing to grow even brighter than it had already been. She clasped her hands over her mouth, as though to hold back a gasp of shock, her fingers fidgeting and her face reddening beyond belief. She slumped, hugging her book bag in front of her face as though hoping to become invisible by hiding behind it.

"Ah..! I... er... Uu..." Nodoka stammered incoherently, her mouth fluttering open and closed again and again as she struggled to find something to say before lapsing into humiliated silence. What could she say? She must have made him feel even more awkward than he already had, all through her own stupidity. She'd only been trying to make things easier for him to get up... Why was it that she could never do anything right? She was so hopeless...

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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Nodoka lapsed into silence as Edmund spoke, the blush not fading from her features. It was pretty clear that his nervous comment had struck quite far home, because although she had stopped stammering, she was still fidgeting as much as ever, a quivering he would actually be able to feel through her soft, smooth hair as he patted the shy one on the head. She was embarrassed before, but all of his talk of being a servant and calling her "milady" had made it even worse.

"W-we should head to class..." The shy one began, slowly rising, her book bag still hugged tightly against her chest, reaching up to cover some of her face in a futile attempt to render herself invisible.

"B-but... P-please..." Nodoka added in a stammer as she slowly turned to head to class, going at a snail's pace so Edmund could go ahead of her - walking in front of him would have just been rude. However quiet her voice was, she still finally managed to speak up through her bashfulness and shame. "D-don't call me that... I don't deserve that title. Y-you d-don't have to... act l-like I'm important, or anything..."

Her voice carried with it a note of despair that shone a light on exactly how bad she was feeling at the moment. She was embarrassed and angry at herself, and it showed. That sound was the closest her voice had ever come to being even remotely commanding. But she did not become commanding through willpower, or dignity. No, her voice had none of that regal air of a monarch. Her voice had the poignant compulsion of a quiet plea, a plea that could only barely be heard through inner fear and turmoil. It was the plea of one who had falling helplessly into sadness long ago, and had never been brought back out.

It was the rare request of one who felt herself to be worthless in every respect, from her personality down to her very name.

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"S-sorry," Nodoka apologized, doing the best she could to make her voice sound happy, but not really changing much. She didn't even know what she should do anymore. Her every attempt to do things right had only resulted in her own embarrassment and problems for Edmund. She worried now that every tiny thing she did would only worsen things, as they seemed to be doing. "I-I'll try not t-to sound s-sad... s-so I'm not being a nuisance," She murmured, turning her blue eyes submissively downward as Edmund spoke with more and more force. His words might have been intended as an encouragement, but all they did was drive the fact further home that Nodoka was being a problem.

"Y-you said just now that y-you're suffering... because you're trying to make other people happy... right?" The quiet one continued, barely managing to force the words out, because deep down, she knew that it wouldn't help anything, and might, in fact, drive Edmund to simply give up on her and leave. However, she had to do this. She could not stand by in silence while Edmund, by his own admission, went to great and unnesecary pains for her sake, when she could have just told him not to bother with someone as useless as her and focus on his own happiness instead.

How had it turned out like this? Nodoka had only wanted to listen to his music, had only wanted to not be a nuisance, yet here she was after countless embarrassments and humiliations, only digging her own grave. She was sure now - she would certainly be left behind after she finished speaking. She was so useless. But, if she was going to be left behind, she honestly doubted it would make a difference whether she answered his questions or not. Even still, she honestly wondered why she was saying what she was saying. This was something she had spoken of to almost no one, aside from her brother's ghost. Deep down, she asked herself this question. Was it because he seemed nice? No, that would never drive her to speak of exactly why she acted the way she did. Was it because of her own desire to be accepted by someone? No, her doubts had quashed that last hope long ago. But she knew the answer: it was because he was willing to hurt himself for her sake. That proved to her that he could be trusted, for the simple reason that it was an action that had never been directed at her before. It was an action that made her feel needed, even if it also brought with it guilt. Sacrifice. It was the one thing she never wanted to see happen for her sake, and yet it was also the quality she most desired in a friend: loyalty. Fidelity. Sacrifice.

"W-well don't... Y-you don't have to treat me l-like you're a s-servant... I'm not w-worth the trouble, and I could never feel happy if someone w-went to that trouble despite that..." Nodoka said quietly, her words coming out slowly, as though her lips were constantly being forced shut, and she had to pry them open again, just to continue speaking. "If I... if I caused someone to suff... suff... suffer like you just... just said you were... How could I feel happy because of it? S-so that's why... I d-don't feel isolated... I isolate myself. Because that way..." She braced herself, and then she spoke the six words that defined her life, all of her actions thus far.

"That way... I'm not a problem."

She slumped, again consumed by the dread of seeing Edmund's face now that he had heard her reason. She did not want to even imagine the reaction he might have had to her statement. Probably, he would just say something lame such as "I see" and then leave after an awkward pause. Deep down, she did not want him to go, but... She knew it was for the best. After hearing what he had to say about his own sentiments, ideals, and actions, she knew that if she became his friend, she would only cause him needless amounts of trouble. While she desperately longed for the company of someone kind like him, she knew that if it came at the price of that much guilt, it was a luxury she could not afford.

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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Nodoka looked up to see Edmund walking away. Had she heard that right?

"I'm staying your friend no matter what."

It was impossible to believe. After she had become so used to a sigh of resignation and an admittance of defeat, he had just told her that he would accept how she felt, but wouldn't stop being her friend? This new and extraordinary revelation took Nodoka with such surprise that she stood stock still, viewing and reviewing what Edmund had just said. No matter how many times she thought about it, however, the answer was the same: she wasn't dreaming this up. Although it didn't seem possible, it was the only answer she could find...

"R-right!" She exclaimed, jogging after Edmund so as not to be left behind. And, although Edmund might not have heard it - for it was fainter than the faintest whisper the world had ever heard - Nodoka said one more thing, barely managing to stammer it out despite her embarrassment, shock, worry, and the thousand other things sealing her lips.

"Th...th...th...thank y-you..."

With that, she walked at Edmund's right side - staying a step behind him at all times so as not to seem presumptuous - and entered their classroom just as lunch was beginning. The teacher glanced up.

"Loveguard, wasn't it? You're la- Oh." The middle-aged man stopped mid sentence as he noticed the short, frail form peeking out from behind Edmund's back, closing his mouth like a trap upon some small prey, an expression of stern resignation taking hold of his face. After he found the right words, he continued.

"So you know her. Thanks for bringing her in, Loveguard. I'm sure it was a lot of trouble to keep her from skipping, so I'll refrain from giving you a punishment, as payment for your efforts. Take your seats and eat quickly," the man said, before he returned to his papers, seemingly ignoring both of the late arrivals, although the class took up murmuring, wondering what exactly he meant.

It seemed Nodoka's transcript had mentioned one other unfortunate part of her history: namely, her propensity to have panic attacks on the one hand, or long, drawn out conversations with her brother on the other, resulting in her frequently cutting class. While it was - for the most part - excused due to her unique circumstances, most teachers grew rather exasperated when she didn't show up. It seemed this extended to students related to her as well, for Edmund had gotten off without punishment under the assumption that he had caught her cutting class and brought her there against her will.

Nodoka followed Edmund like a lost kitten, seating herself in the back row next to him. Her seat was right next to the window, with a little bit of empty space in front of her, no one to her left, and Edmund to her right. Quickly, she opened up her book bag, taking out a small, sealed box containing a small piece of homemade melonpan and three onigiri, as well as a rather childish additon: two hot dog octopi. She smiled sheepishly, glancing around, clasping her hands together in a silent saying of "grace," so to speak, and then began to eat slowly, occasionally glancing around the room as though afraid one of the other students might come and steal her lunch. No thief appeared, and, as a result, Nodoka ate in relative peace.

Friends... She didn't recall having a friend before. She was worried - her heart was beating a million times a minute - but she was also happy. To be honest... She'd always wanted to have someone who she could call a friend.

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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"E-er.... If you didn't bring a l-lunch..." Nodoka began, but was cut off by a loud thud as Edmund hit the floor right next to her. She jumped like she was shot, not expecting the noise since she had been too nervous to actually look up from her food toward her rather unusual new friend. Quickly she looked over, and, finding Edmund on the floor, looked down with a slight blush - caused by no other real reason than the look of embarrassed chibi-ness on his face - and no small concern.

"A-h! Er... Are... are you alright?" She asked nervously. Seeing him get up gave her some relief. It looked like he was fine. Satisfied, she continued with what she had been saying before, although it was rather difficult to do. It seemed a bit embarrassing to offer her own cooking to someone else, given the connotations that had thanks to anime and manga. Especially after seeing the rather vulnerable look on his face a minute before, she wasn't sure if this was a good idea. It might just embarrass him further, something she seemed to be doing a lot, no matter how well she meant by it. Still, what if he was hungry? It looked like she would have to ask to find out, a risk she really didn't like taking.

"Um... D-do you like melonpan?" She asked quietly, holding up the small box she had brought with her, now containing one of the small onigiri and the small roll of homemade sweetbread. "I-it's one of the only things I'm good a-at cooking, a-and I like it a lot... S-so I made some a-and brought it with me to lunch... But i-if you're hungry and don't have a lunch w-with you... You could have it..." Actually she was just being modest. She could cook a lot of things, although melonpan was hands down her best creation. "A-h!" She added quickly, trying to correct a faux pas she feared she might have made. "I-if you don't want it though, you don't need to eat it... Don't worry about me being mad or anything." Mentally she kicked herself. In retrospect, that only made it worse. She noticed he had been reading a manga, and, if he was a fan of that sort of thing, she was fairly sure that she was probably acting just like one of the sheltered, shy heroines from some school life book offering a home-baked lunch to the main protagonist. This thought struck her like a vat of red paint to the face, for she immediately began to flush with embarrassment, despite her efforts to hide this by bending her head slightly to let her raven curtains fall down over her ocean blue eyes.

I'm so awkward... Nodoka thought mournfully.

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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"O-oh... Okay..." Nodoka said, just beginning to turn away and set down her lunch when she realized that Edmund wasn't done speaking to her. Hearing his chuckle and turning to see what he was laughing about, she was surprised, astonished, and deeply embarrassed to find his fingers brushing against her as he swiped her enshrouding raven curtains from before her eyes. She had to stifle a slight gasp as she began blushing more violently than ever, looking more red than the color itself.

Sw... sw... sw.... sw...sweet?! D-d-d-d-d-d-d-did h-he just... Nodoka wondered, almost entirely unable to comprehend what had just been said, having never received such a compliment before, although she knew exactly what the connotations were, having read plenty of romance novels out of the multitude of literary works she had perused in her spare time. Although Edmund quickly corrected himself, and seemed almost as embarrassed for saying such a thing as she was for hearing it, she couldn't help but wonder if he had actually just said what she thought he said. She began to quickly eat her remaining food, looking away so as to hide her blush, although its existence was quite obvious despite this valiant, if futile attempt, due to how long it had taken her to overcome her shock, unclasp her hands, close her gaping mouth, and comprehend what had just been said. Even after she thought about it, she couldn't believe it.

Had Edmund just.... just... flirted?! With HER?!

"T-thank you," she whispered weakly, unable to say anything more. She was so overcome by the shock of the whole affair that even those two words were hard for her.

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"A-h!" Nodoka exclaimed quickly turning back as Edmund desperately apologized. "N-no, i-it's fine!" She stammered quickly, her voice several octaves higher than normal, her arms bobbling about frantically in manic gesticulations as she tried to calm the embarrassed boy down. She took it back - he was blushing even more than she was, something she hadn't thought possible. As of now, even she was stammering less than him. "Y-you didn't d-do a-anything t-to apologize for!" She understood now that he probably hadn't meant it at all - Nodoka had forgotten to take into account that he was new with the language - relatively speaking - and probably had trouble finding the right words sometimes. That would also explain the rather embarrassing nickname he had thought up earlier.

"D-d-don't w-worry about it! Really!" She reassured frantically, her words doing nothing to change the heat that continued to rise in her face. Fortunately, conversation in the classroom was at such a high pitch that almost nobody noticed them, and those who did passed it off as more strangeness connected to the raven haired girl who, evidently, had quite some record at doing unusual things...

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"I-I know what you meant," Nodoka replied nervously, giving a slight nod and a weak grin, a silence reassurance that was made somewhat less effective by the blush still covering every inch of the shy one's face. "T-thank you. I-I... d-don't get that a lot." She stammered slightly, before returning to her food as though trying to forget that the past embarrassment had actually happened - something which it seemed she could not do, since her big blue eyes peered out from behind the raven curtains of her hair, as though silently inquiring of Edmund if he had any more to say, without actually being rude enough to come out and ask it. She munched at the edges of her sweet melonpan bun, but seemed to be eating at a much slower pace now. It was clear she had something on her mind, and the subject was fairly obvious.

She was thinking about Edmund. She hadn't known him very long, but already she had made a few observations about his character. He was friendly and kind, although a little awkward due to his newness to Japan. He seemed like the type most people just kind of ignored - like the type who blurred into the background of everyday life. That was another way in which he was a lot like her - he didn't seem to have many friends.

Still, the closer she looked, the more these similarities appeared. Both of them were easily embarrassed, not very good at conversation, didn't have many friends, and both valued the happiness of others over their own - although in different ways. Edmund's ideals took the form of his constantly striving to please others, and to cheer them up. Nodoka's ideals consisted of just getting her own bumbling self out of the way and letting other people do their thing. Edmund was more outgoing because of this, and Nodoka was glad for it - if he wasn't, he probably wouldn't have invited her to talk to him in the first place, and, while she felt that she had certainly messed a great many things up, she had gotten a friend out of it, and, to her, that meant more than any other reward possibly could have.

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Nodoka turned when questioned, looking to have mostly composed herself during the silence between the two of them. When Edmund made his suggestion, however, that composure she had worked so hard on evaporated.

"A-h! Er... I-i-if you w-want to..." She stammered weakly, clearly not thrilled by the idea. It was fairly obvious that talking to people was not something she did on a regular basis. "I-I'm n-not very g-good at t-talking to... to o-other people, though..." This quiet excuse was the only form of protest she gave over the matter, however. She clearly was not one to argue with others, even if their ideas would put her at risk of embarrassment and worry, which seemed to naturally result every time she dared speak to another Human being. Slowly, with a look somewhere between guilt for resisting Edmund's offer and dread that he might carry out his plan of making her socialize, she turned back to her food, eating it slower than ever, as though scared that it might bite back. She didn't look forward to the prospect of socializing.

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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"O-okay..." Nodoka said, slightly reassured. She wouldn't have to talk. That was good. She doubted she could cope with talking to more than one person at a time. Given how rowdy some of the students seemed to be, she might have suffered a panic attack if she was required to speak. She returned Edmund's grin rather sheepishly, not seeming to notice the potentially awkward comment this time. Even if someone out and out claimed to be superior to her, Nodoka wouldn't protest. She agreed with such ideas, actually.

Hearing Edmund's lighthearted comments brought a smile to Nodoka's face. He seemed so kind, energetic, and enthusiastic. Hearing him make his "loyal steed" comment, however, caused something to occur that surprised even her, for at the moment, she did something which she could not recall doing for a long, long time.

She laughed.

It wasn't a loud laugh - it might not have even been audible. However, in that instant, a quiet giggle - a sound so joyous and wonderful to the ear that it could compare to Heaven's bells ringing on judgement day - escaped her lips, and a genuinely happy smile appeared across her face. Edmund might not have known it at the time, but this was indeed an achievement. The only other things in the world that could produce that happiness were Nodoka's dearly departed brother, and the hobbies she liked to pursue in her time alone. It was a secret happiness that few ever bore witness to, a joy that Edmund could truly count himself blessed to behold.

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In an instant, Nodoka's look of happiness changed, like the moon reflected on the surface of a lake shifting with the slightest ripple. She looked confused, then worried, then outright alarmed, and finally, she flushed a deep red, her face a kaleidoscope of different emotions, each surfacing one after the other, as if she could not decide what to feel. She didn't understand what was going on. One moment, Edmund was joking with her, then suddenly he looked overwhelmed, then he started crying all of a sudden.

"A-ah! I'm s-sorry! D-did I d-do some- Eep!" Nodoka began apologizing frantically, waving her hands about wildly as she was accustomed to do when alarmed. However, she was cut off mid-sentence as her arms were suddenly caged in by a warm mass that wrapped itself around her, engulfing her and bringing back that same vibrant blush to her countenance, only moments after it had finally faded away.

"A-a-a-a-a-a-a-a..." Nodoka stammered, sounding like a broken record as she tried to speak when she couldn't even find any words. She was so confused. What was going on? Why was Edmund hugging her? This was so embarrassing! She was starting to feel dizzy.... she was seizing up! Her heart was beating a million times every second, and her face felt like it was burning. She could barely even hear Edmund's words. Weakly she tried to reply, overwhelmed by this sudden turn of events.

"O-okay..." She murmured in bewildered agreement. She didn't know what was going on any more...

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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(Also, again, Nodoka just transferred, and she's extremely shy, so you wouldn't know her name. Just so you know.)

(Panic attack/flashback #1, triggered.)

Nodoka remained remarkably silent during this unusual display of affection. Although the embarrassment was still there, something else had taken its place, as though a dark cloud had moved over the shy one's eyes, casting a shadow between her and Edmund, as though she was lost in some disturbing thought. The word "daddy" had very uncomfortable associations for her. Just hearing it seemed to have sapped all of the happiness from the atmosphere around her. Even after Edmund moved back into his own seat, she continued staring down at her desk blankly, the occasional twitch running through her as though she were being shocked.

"Daddy... Daddy. Can we get ice cream?"

A cry of frustration. She had done something bad again. Quickly she shied away from her father.

"No, we will not be getting ice cream. Now shut your trap. What have I told you about begging like that? Is that the only thing you're good at?! Pissing me off?! You're so..."


"Worthless..." Nodoka murmured at length, her eyes blank as she stared down at the desk, ignoring the movement around her as lunch ended. It was like she had entered a whole different world all of a sudden, leaving behind her only an empty shell that she had once occupied. It seemed Edmund had brought back a painful recollection, a memory into which she lapsed all too often, forgetting about the present as old wounds opened, drawing her helplessly in...

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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Nodoka provided no resistance to Edmund's ministrations. She was almost like a doll, a marionette, simply moving where her strings were pulled. She simply stared blankly, as though confused, not understanding the world around her any more. She simply walked alongside Edmund, pulled by the hand, almost as though her body was moving with no mind present to command it, simply balancing itself on instinct so as not to fall. As he pushed her against the wall, she went where she was placed, like a toy being hastily returned to its shelf, and she simply stared, her head slumping slightly, her hollow eyes glancing down at the ground. She didn't seem to hear his apologies, or his frantic questions - in fact, being pressed for answers seemed to harm rather than good.

"A guardian...?" She murmured quietly, repeating Edmund's own words dully, simply playing back what she was told, a doll saying what it had been commanded to say when the right buttons were pushed. "Worthless..." She repeated, shrinking back slightly at the recollection of other such memories, brought upon her by the words she heard distantly, but could not quite bring herself to understand. That's right... how could she have forgotten? She couldn't talk to someone. She was...

Worthless.

But wait, that wasn't right. Something had changed since then, hadn't it? But what... What had changed? Her mind was faint. She couldn't identify the nagging feeling on the edge of her thoughts, telling her that something was different since she had been called by that name. Vaguely, she realized someone was shaking her, was asking her something. He wanted an answer badly, but she couldn't find the answer herself.

"Nodoka... You're right. Something has changed since then." That voice, that dark-haired boy standing in front of her... Was it Mamoru she saw there? He seemed shorter than usual, but she hardly noticed.

"What is it... That changed?" She asked aloud, looking at Edmund but talking as though to someone else, her blank eyes staring right through him and into the face of another.

"Well, for one, I'm here. And as I'm sure he can tell you, you're not worthless anymore. No, that's wrong. You never were worthless. You are worth as much as the combined beliefs of those who care for you, and I've believed in you all this time, sister."

"Belief..." She murmured, incoherent to the one who desperately sought to drag back her mind from whatever shadows and terrors had consumed it.

"That right. And now, you're worth more than ever. You finally found a friend, didn't you? I'm glad for you. Now you have two people who believe in you. Does that answer your question?"

"Two... people..." She murmured, just repeating what was told her by the elusive ghost to whom she spoke. "Right..."

"Yes, that's right." Mamoru said, smiling kindly and patting her on the head, his motions completely different from those of the being that actually stood before her. "So believe. Believe in me, and in your friend, just like we are believing in you right now. That is what has changed, sister."

"I see..." Nodoka said, nodding weakly, life slowly returning to her ghostly pale face. She blinked once, as though waking up from a long sleep. Her vision was still somewhat blurry. She couldn't tell who the dark haired boy standing in front of her was. Although normally, she would never have risked speaking to her secret comforter in public, she was confused, overwhelmed, and tired. Her thoughts were still hazy. And so she spoke up innocently, in a way that might only further drive Edmund to worry about her.

"Mamoru?" She asked weakly, looking up as she began to fidget again, as though readjusting to her shell after leaving it for a brief period.

"Are you still there?"

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Character Portrait: Nodoka Kainashiko Character Portrait: Yukiko Wong (Yuki) Character Portrait: Edmund Loveguard
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Yukiko rushed down the hall, she had spent her whole lunch time trying to compose a song on the piano that she had completely forgotten to even eat. She had already woken up late that morning barely making it to homeroom, but now Yuki had tripped and her 'masterpiece' had flown all over the hallway "Oh no!" she cried out to herself as she pushed all the papers back together, attempting to catch the ones that were still in the air.
One paper flew over and around until Yukiko reached out her hand before realizing she had knocked down a girl (Nodoka). The composition had once more flown all over the area, she rubbed her head and looked to see who she had ran into, unfortunately she had knocked down a girl and almost a boy (Edmund). Yukiko scrammbled to her feet "Oh, oh my I am so sorry, i didn't see you and i was trying to get my papers!" she bowed several times, the guilt hung around her "I really am sorry, I should have been paying more attention!" she reached down to help the girl up, hoping that she wouldn't be upset with her. "I didn't hurt you did I?"