Name: Renevari Lehsade (Ren-Eh-Vah-Ree Leh-Sah-d)
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Sin: Envy
Demon?: Girl.
Likes: Sweet foods, piano music and playing said music, singing, reading books (Especially romance novels), people who don't mind her various issues, playing chess.
Dislikes: Being called names, being alone, sour foods, bullies, books that don't have happy endings, trying to sleep at night, being sick.
Fears: Being alone and hated, collapsing, dying in her sleep, the dark, her night terrors.
Hates: Being alone, falling asleep at random times, suffering sleep paralysis and vivid nightmares.
Time of Day: Early morning, just after waking up.
Piercings: None.
Tattoos: None.
Height: Five feet, two inches.
Weight: 101 Pounds.
Eye Color: Bright green.
Hair Color: Raven black.
Appearance Description: Small and frail, Ren generally goes unnoticed in a crowd after the initial reaction to seeing her. With long, lean limbs, a slender build, thin waist, flat stomach, and average level of development, Ren's only claims to an unusual appearance lie in her waist-length hair, some of it done up in braids to keep it out of her eyes, and in her bright red and white coat - an article of clothing she wears almost constantly over her standard white blouse, tied with an equally pristine white ribbon in the shape of a bow, the gaudy duster contrasting brightly with the black skirt and ankle-high stockings and the white boots she wears - which, being somewhat long on her, tends to encompass most of her hands in its large sleeves, and to trail out behind her, like a guardian spirit following on her heels.
Personality: Timid and sad, Ren tends to simply fade into the background of things, unnoticed by others. She is very quiet, and tends not to approach people much. When she does speak, she does so in very few words, and then lapses back into her customary quietude. In truth, this isn't because she's antisocial. She hates being alone, and is somewhat terrified by it. On the other hand, her brief forays into the world of conversation ended as enough of a failure to give her an equal fear of talking to people, causing her to see herself as both a liability and a burden to others. And, once she came to this conclusion, she simply gave up on talking to other people, deciding that it was best for others and herself that she just not bother anyone with her presence. And, Ren realized, once you give up on hoping for success, you can't be disappointed by failure, either. While it wasn't comfortable being alone, at least she was comfortably numb, both wishes and regrets dead inside of her.
This does not, however, mean that she has accepted her condition, and the struggles that come with it. She hates how she is, even if she's lost the will to pray for something to change her, living each day in an apathetic, discontented haze of misery, weary of the world and everything else around her. While she doesn't covet the good health and happy lives of those around her, she does envy them their success, and wonders each and every night as she lies awake why it had to be her to suffer this punishment. She takes a sort of sarcastically self-depreciating view of things, despising herself and all that she is so that she can be in some way closer to ordinary people, even if in the end it pushes her even further apart.
Not seen Without?: Her bright red-on-white duster.
History: Conceived into a fairly average family, Ren had the misfortune of being born with several immune system disorders, causing her to suffer from frequent sickness and chronic attacks of narcolepsy, losing strength and collapsing into an unconscious stupor at random times, suffering from paralysis and terrifying visions while falling asleep and while first awakening. Kept inside almost constantly so as not to risk her getting lost alone and collapsing somewhere, perhaps even dying as she slept, she watched as her older brothers went out and played to their hearts' content, always telling her about some new and wonderful adventure or amazing feat they had performed while she was stuck inside alone. While she was happy for them, she hated being treated like a precious object, locked inside and only allowed to gaze out upon the unknown world outside through the few windows of her prison. When she was finally deemed well enough to go to school, one of her first decisions was to try her best to make some friends. But on the other hand, she didn't want anyone to worry about her, since she wanted to be treated like anyone else would. Initially, the went well, as she soon was on good speaking terms with a small group of kind girls in her class. However, she could not keep her secrets from them forever, and one day, the inevitable occurred when one of her friends found her lying passed out in the school bathroom. She was rushed to the nurse's office, who carelessly revealed all of her various conditions and issues to Ren's small band of friends, advising them to keep a good eye on Ren and to make sure she was taken good care of. While this was sound advice, when her friends, too, started babying her, walking her to and from school and even escorting her between classes, only carrying out their various activities after taking a vote in which Ren was not even allowed to participate to determine whether or not their plans were "too stressful for her." Ren bore this as patiently as she could for several years, although her comrades' guardianship of her inspired many rumors about how she was some sort of sickly, weak girl, always on the verge of passing out, which wasn't entirely true. These rumors, in turn, inspired scorn and bullying, and Ren soon found herself shunned by her peers on the one hand and treated like some sort of helpless doll on the other by her family and few friends.
Around age 13, she met a kind, gentle boy named Lysander, a new classmate of hers and fast addition to their small band of friends. He, more than anyone else, was kind to her, but in the wrong sort of way. He watched her for even the slightest signs of sickness or ill health, constantly volunteered to do things for her that he didn't think her capable of handling herself, and generally made it his duty to watch over her in every walk of life. While Ren appreciated his kindness, she soon realized that the only reason that these kindnesses were being shown her was because she was so fragile. In short, she was nothing but a nuisance that they needed to tend to before they could do any of the things they wanted to do. She didn't want to believe it, but when she overheard her friends complaining about how annoying it was having to deal with her all the time, she was confirmed absolutely that it was true. Bitter from the pain of this knowledge, she made up her mind to remove the obstacle that was herself from her beloved friends' paths.
Several months after their first meeting, Lysander approached her while she sat quietly in the now-empty classroom, watching her friends talk cheerfully about the summer plans she knew she herself would be a hindrance to, and, to everyone's surprise, asked her out on a date. Having spent most of his time protecting her from attacks of illness and bullies alike, it was quite likely he had genuinely come to develop an affection for her. But it was too little, too late. Ren was angry at this point. Angry with herself, her friends, her family, and her life in general. Her friends were cut off in their exclamations of joy and surprise at the development of what they considered a "cute couple" amongst their members by Ren's monosyllabic answer.
"No," she said simply, her voice quiet as it always was, but made more powerful than the loudest of shouts by the cold, hard resolution that it had gained from years of being treated as nothing but a fragile doll on a shelf. Her friends were taken aback, Lysander most of all. None of them were able to believe that she would turn someone so close to her down so coldly. When they gathered their wits and asked her why on earth she was being so unfeeling all of a sudden, she answered, her voice slowly building up from a pained whisper to a poignant cry carrying the weight of pain bottled up for years as tears began to form in her emerald eyes.
"Me? Go on a date with you? Ly, you've got it all wrong. You think I'm refusing you out of some sense of pride, don't you? It's not that. Just the opposite. I've made up my mind. I'm rejecting you - all of you," with this, she stood suddenly, sweeping out her hand over the group, causing them to look up with surprise and confusion, as though their quiet little doll had suddenly lost her mind. "Not because I don't care, or because I feel you aren't good enough. No, you've all given me all I could ask for, because I couldn't bring myself to ask for what I really wanted. I'm rejecting all of you because I'm the one who's not good enough. All this time, you've done so much to help me, to make my life easy, but at what cost? I've become nothing more than a precious doll, a beloved plaything to you people, haven't I? Every day, I forced you to take care of my every need, to keep me in good condition, when you should have been free to do what you wanted. Kind people like you don't deserve to be cursed with a burdensome doll like me. Isn't that right? Don't bother denying it. I heard you say the same yourselves! So that's why... that's why I'm ending this all. I can't bear to just sit quietly and let you bother yourselves over me any longer. If I'm a burden, then I'll move myself out of the way. If I'm a doll, then I'll throw myself down from my shelf and live for myself instead of making others live for me. If I break, then I'll break, but I'll do it on my own responsibility instead of yours. So thank you... and goodbye."
And with that, Ren fled the room, tears clouding her vision, her own words echoing back to her over the surprised and worried shouts of her friends. She paid them no heed, instead just running. She'd never been much of a runner, but through some miraculous effort, she managed to carry herself down the stairs and out the front door of the school, escaping into the out of doors as her friends tried to give chase. She fled almost halfway back to her own home before her fatigue finally caught up with her, and she collapsed. She might have died then and there from the exertion and the stress on her body and mind, but luckily, her brother had been on the way to pick her up and, finding her lying unconscious by the side of the road, collected her and rushed her to help, thus extending her life.
By her own request, she changed schools, so that when summer break ended, she wouldn't have to see her friends again. Although they came to visit her many times, she never spoke to them, avoiding them as best she could. One by one, they dismissed her as a lost cause, and as Ren watched them through the window as they came by each day to stand in front of the house and beg her to come out, their number slowly diminished, until one day almost a year later, only Lysander was left. He left a letter in the mailbox, detailing how the group of friends had slowly broken up and moved on, each person finally tending to their own business, as Ren had wished them to. His letter closed with the sad revelation that his father had gotten a job elsewhere, and he was moving out of town. He said he would come by one last time on his last day in the town, and begged her to at least come and tell him goodbye. She relented, and the next day, he found her waiting outside for him with tears in her eyes. Wordlessly, she simply embraced him, and sobbed into his shoulder. She couldn't bring herself to hate him, and the realization that the people who had been so kind to her were all gone for good opened a well of regret inside her. Truth be told, she had always left that door open, wondering if one day, once she could show everyone she could take care of herself, she might be able to go back to the way things were before. The knowledge that such a thing could now never happen was simply too much to bear. And so she simply cried, and Lysander cried with her, as they stood until sunset, in silent mutual apology. The only words exchanged that night were simple ones, yet they carried more meaning than any tearful speech or monologue penned by Shakespeare's expert hand.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
"I'm sorry too, Ren. But... I'm glad. At least I know that I didn't make you hate me. And I guess... That's enough. I'll miss you, Ren."
"G-goodbye. M-maybe we'll see each other again some day...?"
"I hope so."
And with that, the two parted, unsure whether they would ever meet in the future, despite their wishful thinking and hopeful words. After all her friends were gone, Ren withdrew into herself more than ever. Even if she could have tried again to make friends, she decided against it. After all, the same thing would happen again, now wouldn't it? She was just a burden, anyway, so she decided to bear the sorrow of her solitude alone instead of troubling other people with her own issues. She rarely spoke after this, leaving her room only when she absolutely had to, spending most of her time reading books or taking the naps she so desperately needed to keep functioning. Most people didn't even know she existed, and her family tried in vain to make her leave her prison-turned-fortress. And so she continued living like she was dead, up until one day, her life changed forever...