Regret or Rejoice? [ic]

[SilentButterflies]

“Yeah, yeah. Just a little bit tired, I got up around five this morning, but I will be alright.”

Callie sighed as she heard this from Tobey, checking the road once more before she crossed and turned into the long high street that'd lead her out into the countryside again, the odd car zooming past, most booming out loud music and yelling profanities out of the window at her.
"You work too hard," she mused softly, a smile tugging at her lips despite her current situation. She'd miss that about Tobey.. In fact, she'd miss everything about Tobey and as much as she was looking forward to tonight, she was also dreading it too. Their last night together... it was almost too painful to comprehend.

“I want to see a bit more of you too. We have both been so busy lately, I know that I have been taking on a lot of work, but it seems like I just can’t scrape together enough money to pay everything.”

At this comment though, Rose's smile brightened a little more, the part about Tobey wanting to see her more making her heart stutter around some. Any feeling of love that was thrown her way, she grapsed onto like a drowning man that would his life jacket. In a world that was so full of hatred, in her own heart that was so full of hatred, an odd bout of pure love now and again did her good and eased her pain if not for just a little while.
"I know," she replied gently. "But you could always ask Nana for some help Tobey.. if you ever get really stuck for cash." Worrying on her bottom lip as the concrete buildings around her suddenly started to disappear, her leaving behind the city lights, Callie Rose knew that Tobey would never ask any of her family for money. No freaking way. But she wished he would, just once or twice so that she could feel as though she was helping him out, like he did for her so many times everyday.

“Sure, I will wait here for you. I will tell Nana Jasmine you are coming back. I can make some popcorn and have a look for some of the duvets in the linen closet. I will see you in a bit. Bye love.”

"That sounds.. better than you could ever imagine. I'm looking forward to it." And just before Tobey hung up, Callie stopped him before he cut off the line.
"Tobey?" She whispered, her dark eyes glimmering in the shadow of the night as little poofs of steam came from her mouth when she breathed into the cold night air. "I love you." And then she hung up, before sliding her phone back into her pocket. It wasn't often that she said that to him.. no matter how true it was and no matter how much she felt for him. One, it was just so hard for her to show emotions at times and two, Uncle Jude said love killed. She didn't want Tobey to come to any harm.. so that's why she kept on trying to keep her feelings from him for a lot of the time.

It was a good twenty minutes later when Callie Rose finally reached Nana Jasmine's house, gently clicking the door shut in case her nana was in bed and wandering into the front room, where lay a heap of duvets in front of the TV, the fireplace crackling off to one
side. "Tobey?" She whispered softly, wondering if he was still in the kitchen or something.

[Cyanne]

Tobey started to make his way back across the wooden deck to the house and Nana Jasmine as he wrapped up the conversation with Callie Rose. He was glad that she was coming back, and that he didn’t have to go home to his own frigid bed. The conversation was just about over, and Tobey’s hand was resting on the cold brass door handle, ready to rejoin Jasmine.

”Tobey?”
Callie Rose’s voice asked huskily.
”I love you”

Those words never failed to make Tobey’s throat go dry, it was so rare that Callie Rose candidly admitted her emotions. He heard the click of her ending the call, Tobey closed his phone and slid it back into his jean’s pocket. After he closed the heavy wooden door, effectively sealing the cold night air out, Tobey turned around to find that Nana Jasmine had already retired elsewhere for the evening. He shivered a bit from the impression the cold left on his skin and made his way to the kitchen.
Susanna was finishing up a few dishes, she started a little when she saw him enter the room and returned to her work. Tobey noted the dark circles around Susanna’s eyes and an immediate concern spurred him to question her.

“Are you alright? Need any help there?”
Tobey said, his warm voice putting her more at ease.

“Yeah, yeah. I.. I am just a bit worried about my brother… he works around the area that was bombed today…”
She managed to say, her voice quiet and concerned, her hands shaking slightly in the dish water.

Tobey could not help but feel for her, he knew that a lot of people around London must be worried about their loved ones too. The TV in the other room was airing the news, a solemn woman reporting from the scene of the bomb, reading a long list of the identified victims. In an attempt to get the young blonde woman’s mind off of her brother, Tobey decided to ask for her help.

“Could you help me put together a few things, Susanna?”
He asked, a slight smile gracing his lips.
“I want to make a few treats for a movie night for Callie Rose.”

“Well I suppose we can put a few things together quickly… I am surprised you even know my name.,.”
Susanna said, her voice gaining a modicum of strength as she dried her hands and began to search through the cabinets for ingredients.

Tobey picked up the dried dishes and began to return them to the cabinets as Susanna pulled out an arrangement of bowls, ingredients, and utensils. At last she reached up to the higher cabinet to retrieve a cook book, struggling to pull it down. Seeing this, Tobey chuckled and reached up to pull the worn book out of the cabinet, turning to hand it to a grateful Susanna.
Callie Rose wouldn’t be back for another half hour, which left plenty of time for baking. Next thing Tobey knew, he was covered in flour, laughing till tears streamed down his eyes with Susanna while the goodies baked in the oven. They had set out the popcorn, movies, and pillows already and were just waiting on Callie. Tobey was so glad that he had been able to take Susanna’s mind off of her brother, Jasmine had wandered into the kitchen at one point and after an explanation, Susanna was permitted to leave once Callie Rose made it back safely.
Tobey didn't hear Callie come in through the heavy door, the timer on the oven had just chimed, the cakes ready.

[SilentButterflies]

"Tobey?" Callie whispered again as she creeped towards the door, jumping when a voice cut through her search.
"I think he's in the kitchen with Susanna." Spinning around and coming face to face with Nana Jasmine, the brunette put a hand over her racing heart for a moment before a soft chuckle escaped her lips. "Nana you nearly gave me a heart attack. Don't creep up on me like that."
"A little jumpy aren't we Rosie?"
At this statement though, the teenager couldn't help but frown slightly, wondering why her Nana had such a tone. She didn't want to be arguing with the people that she loved on one of her last days.. around.

"What's wrong Nana?" She asked softly, moving a little closer to the fragile looking cross woman.
"Sorry, sorry, it's nothing Callie Rose. Don't you worry now. It's just your old nana being silly, now go on. Go find Tobey. I think he's been working hard baking cakes for you."
With the concerned expression not leaving her face, Rose's eyes watched her nana disappear through the door in which she'd just come through, staying silent for a moment longer. What the hell had that been about?
Shaking her head a little then after failing to come up with a solution, dark curls bouncing around her shoulders, Callie quickly resumed her original task of searching for Tobey, heading for the kitchen with a little smile tugging at her lips at the prospect of seeing him again.

"Tobey? I heard that you've been- Oh." Coming to a stop though when she saw Tobey and who she presumed must be Susanna stood looking quite amused, Callie felt a pang of something hit her chest. She'd never really laughed with Tobey like that.. she'd never really had as much fun with him as Susanna looked like she was having with him. And now she never would.
Suddenly more upset than she would have liked to have been, Rosie ran a hand through her hair and tried to smile at the two. Hell, maybe once she was gone it would be a good thing if Tobey had Susanna to speak to? Sher certainly didn't want him to be on his own.
"Nana Jasmine said you'd both been baking," she finished off after a moment, disguising her real emotions quite well she thought. "And I gotta say, it smells amazing in here."

[katastrophy]

Jude was more than eager to give up on looking for his girl-friend and was about to make his way to the kitchen to fill in his gut with some ice cold beer and some food when she walked out of the bathroom deflated and pale. He raised an eyebrow questioningly and wasn't all that surprised when he was only replied with a glare and a quick turn around.

Sighing to himself, he ran a hand through his short cut hair before walking towards the kitchen to perform his original plan. He wasn't in the mood to further injure the woman who warmed his bed. He was still a little too elated by the sudden turn of events in his favor, his revenge so soon to appear over the horizon that he couldn't help but smile as soon as Cristy's blond head disappeared into their bedroom.

Walking into the kitchen, he got himself a can of beer since he seemed to have drank up all the bottles and found nothing appetizing in the fridge. Looking around and entranced by the scent of the recently baked cake, he took the liberty to cut himself a slice before sitting down and turning on the television and watching some random channel other than the news.

[Cyanne]

Tobey’s ears immediately recognized the soft voice that called his name from the door frame.

“Tobey? I heard that you’ve been- Oh.”

Her voice never failed to cause a smile to spread across his face; he quickly wiped off his hands with a dish towel and turned to walk across the kitchen to greet her. She wore an uneasy smile, Tobey noted as he took one of her small hands into his and gave it a squeeze. There was something about the way Callie Rose furrowed her brow that Tobey could not identify.

”Nana Jasmine said you’d both been baking, and I gotta say, it smells amazing in here.”
Callie Rose said, her voice stiffening as she spoke.

Susanna could sense that the two of them needed the time alone, so she hastily said her good byes as she left the room.
“It was nice to meet you both… have a nice night”
She said as she brushed past Callie to leave, only turning back for a moment to address Tobey.
“The brownies will be done in a minute or two, don’t forget them… goodnight then.”

Tobey turned slowly back to face Callie Rose, putting his large, warm hands on her cool, thin shoulders. The cold still clung to her body and Tobey rubbed his hands on her arms to warm them.

“You’re freezing!”
He said jokingly, trying to lighten her spirits. She could only manage a smile that Tobey knew so well, one that almost cloaked her true emotions. Tobey searched her beautifully tri-colored eyes for a hint at her innermost thoughts, sometimes he felt like pried too much; however, Tobey could tell that Callie Rose had an especially large burden tonight.
Callie broke their gaze and turned her head down to stare towards the floor. Tobey sighed and hooked one of his hands under her chin, his thumb brushing her lower lip. He wrapped his other arm around her waist and drew her into him for a gentle, yet firm kiss. Sometimes Tobey felt like the only way to get Callie to relax around him was to physically show her his commitment to her. The loud beeping of the oven timer caused Tobey to groan and swear, then turn to retrieve the brownies from the oven. After placing the hot pan on the counter top, he turned to lean against the refrigerator.

“Do you want to talk or just watch a movie together? You seem like you have something to tell me, and you know that I am here for either purpose, it is up to you.”
He said, a chuckle escaping his lips at his next statement.
“Hell, we can even do a little of both, just for you Rosie.”

[SilentButterflies]

Callie Rose watched as Tobey's face brightened into a smile when he heard her voice, her heart squeezing as she watched the expression grow, realization that this was her last night with him kicking her hard suddenly in the stomach. Could she really do that to Tobey? Leave him behind to a world of misery once she was gone, cause him all that pain?
She had too. Because it was for the greater good, right? Just like Uncle Jude had said. She was going to kill herself, and probably many others too, to help Noughts just like Tobey. She no longer had a choice in the matter.

Trying her best to smile back, the brunette was glad when he took one of her small hands into one of his larger ones, the warmth from his palm hitting her forehand and making her involunatrily shiver slightly as she tried to give him a reassuring smile back, failing at it quite miserably.

“It was nice to meet you both… have a nice night”

However, the tender little moment was interupted as Susanna said her goodbyes and although Callie had been thinking of match-making her and Tobey just moments earlier, she couldn't help but relax once the other female was out of the room.
It went without saying that she didn't want Tobey to be alone when she was gone, but trying to fix him up with another girl while she was still around hurt too much. And although Rose was incredibly aware of how selfish these thoughts were, her wanting Tobey all to herself when she had no right to, she believed that she might treat herself to some self-centred thoughts on her last night. If she couldn't do it now, then when could she?
Nodding ever so slightly to Susanna's reply, it wasn't long before Callie's attention had returned to her boyfriend, not that it had ever really left, and she found him putting his two large, warm hands onto her slender shoulders, the warmth of them radiating through her jacket.

“You’re freezing!”

As this statement was issued from Tobey's lips though, the teenager tried to smile back as he rubbed at her arms, reluctantly meeting his deep blue gaze with her own tri-coloured eyes.
However, as he seemed to search them, looking for her feelings, she did eventually break away once more and looked down to the floor. When he looked into her eyes like that, Callie was mostly left feeling like he'd just scanned her soul and tonight there was a lot that she didn't want him to see, hence her breaking the connection.
But before she could say a word in terms of an explanation, or a reassurance, a finger was propping her chin up, strong arms wrapping around her little waist as Tobey pulled her closer.

When he eventually pressed his lips to hers, Rose responded by kissing him back a little passionately, her own arms wrapping around him and holding his body close to hers, like she never wanted to let him go.. No, like she couldn't ever let him go. He made her feel so much with just a small physical gesture like this one that she could have sworn that all of her senses were alive and kicking right now.
The teenager only pulled away when she jumped a little at the shrill beeping of the oven timer, a soft giggle escaping her lips as Tobey swore and went to retrieve the brownies from the oven. Callie sighed a little then, wishing they hadn't been cooked so soon before she leant against the door frame like he did the fridge, and listened to his next questions.

“Do you want to talk or just watch a movie together? You seem like you have something to tell me, and you know that I am here for either purpose, it is up to you.”

This though, did make Rose nibble her lip in a slightly nervous manner before it was followed by a lovely offer, Tobey's chuckle making her grin, the expression touching her eyes.

“Hell, we can even do a little of both, just for you Rosie.”

Still smiling, Callie pushed off from the door and wandered back over to him, her arms snaking their way around his waist again as she met his beautiful gaze.
"You know me too well," she murmured, placing a gentle kiss on his neck before she rested her chin upon his shoulder, taking in the wonderful slight scent of mint and baking that still lingered on her love.
"But I gotta admit, I do love the little bit of both idea. And maybe a little bit of this thrown in here and there?" She asked, placing a peck on his lips before pulling back to smile at him again, her expression swiftly changing to a more serious look after a moment.
"I.. I meant what I said before.. about loving you Tobey. With all my heart. You know that right?"

[Cyanne]

The warmth of the oven was still radiating against his back, and the smells of the freshly baked cakes filled his nose as Tobey leaned back against the counter top. He loved the way Callie Rose smiled ever so delicately , with a touch of mischief, as she sauntered over to him, her arms finding their way around his waist. Her green eyes turned their startling gaze upon him, and silent shivers melted down Tobey’s spine.

”You know me too well”
She said, her voice like subtle whisper flitting past his ears. She strained on her toes for a moment for her soft lips to place a kiss on his neck.
”But I gotta admit, I do love the little bit of both idea. And maybe a little bit of this thrown in here and there?”
Her inquiring voice trailed off as she briefly pressed her lips to his, and then smiling slightly as a blush colored her cheeks.

Tobey reveled in her glow, when she was happy, he was happy. Is this what love feels like? He asked himself as he, in turn; slide his arms around Callie Rose’s small frame. Her expression changed suddenly, fluidly into a different, more serious one; her eyes searching his for strength.

”I.. I meant what I said before.. about loving you Tobey. With all my heart. You know that right?”
Callie Rose whispered, her voice barely audible, her eyes filled with hope, stained with fear.

His heart swelled when he heard these words fall from her lips, and Tobey lifted on of his hands to cup her vulnerable face, her bottom lip quivering ever so slightly. There was no question left in his mind that he reciprocated her emotions, I love her, Tobey thought with the most certainty he had ever experienced. Their gazes remained locked as Tobey attempted to speak on such a momentous occasion.

“I… I have never be so sure of anything Callie. I love you.”
He said, his voice quavering for a moment when he saw her eyes begin to well with tears.
“I didn’t want to scare you away, so I never told you before. But I have been almost certain of this for years… and I want to be certain of this for years to come.”

He paused for a moment, lowering his lips onto hers, tasting the saltiness of her tears as they slid down her cheeks. The kiss was perfectly soft, and Tobey pulled away from Callie Rose just to have the chance to look into her eyes once again.

“You mean the world to me Rosie.”
Tobey said, a tiny smile brightening his face and a small chuckle escaping him. Then after a moment he stepped back from her and took her small hands into his.
“Now how about those movies? We should start one soon if we are going to watch it without falling asleep.”

Tobey turned to lead her into the living room where he and Susanna had brought out a variety of duvets, pillows, and blankets. A large bowl of popcorn sat in the middle of the old oak coffee table. Tobey lead Callie to the cabinet where Nana kept her collection of DVDs and opened up the painted doors to reveal the moderate selection.

“So what will it be Rosie? Drama, romance, action? Your pick.”
]

[SilentButterflies]

As Callie Rose had waited silently for Tobey's answer, she hadn't realized the amount of emotion that'd been building up inside of her until his soft hand had cupped her cheek, her feelings suddenly spilling over a little as her lip quivered. In fact, the silence that seemed to draw out between them had the brunette trembling a little and almost about to pull away and tell him that she didn't want to push him into saying something that he didn't want to say. But before she'd had chance to let her panic take over, he'd said it. Really said it. Those three words and an explanation as to why he'd never told her before. And in that moment Callie could have sworn that her heart had burst with happiness; it'd been too long since she'd allowed herself to feel anything like this.
Before she knew it though, the teenager had tears flowing freely down her cheeks as Tobey leaned in to kiss her, her arms staying wrapped around his waist until he pulled away again.

“You mean the world to me Rosie.”

To this statement, Callie gave Tobey a teary smile, her lip still trembling but at least her tears were now ones of happiness - or mostly so. Of course, along with her joyous thoughts came also the ones of negativity, the ones that constantly told her that that would be the last and only time she'd ever hear Tobey say that to her. Because tomorrow she was going to end it all.
However, shrugging these thoughts off as Tobey spoke again, Rose gently wiped the remaining tears from her eyes and tried to gather herself together; she wouldn't let this evening be one of sadness. It was about her and Tobey and the two of them only, not Uncle Jude, not her mother, not tomorrow. Just her and him.

“Now how about those movies? We should start one soon if we are going to watch it without falling asleep.”

Callie Rose nodded her reponse as Tobey took her hand into his and began leading her into the front room where she noticed the duvets, blankets and pillows that had been dotted around the floor and sofa, creating a little almost den like space that the two could spend time together in, like they used to do when they were younger.

“So what will it be Rosie? Drama, romance, action? Your pick.”

With a now considerably brighter expression on her face, Rose bent down to Tobey's level as he opened up the cabinet and quickly thumbed through a collection of dvds. Most of them were reasonably old, what with her Nana Jasmine being a 'classics' kind of woman, but towards the end of the row sat a newer version of Wuthering Heights[i], the one starring [i]Juliette Binoche and Ralph Fiennes.
Picking it out, it being one of her favourite films, Rosie gave Tobey's shoulder a little squeeze before straightening up again and wandering over to the television to slide the disc into the player.
"You know that I'm a sucker for a romance," she grinned before taking his hand in hers again and pulling him over to the sofa, where once he was sat down with his back against it, Callie did the same and snuggled into his side, just enjoying the feeling of him next to her; his scent, his touch, just Tobey.

"Thank you for saying that to me before," she said after a moment as the opening credits to the film began. "It meant... a lot to me." With a smile as she glanced up towards him, Rose placed another gentle peck on his jawline before resting her cheek back against his chest.

[Cyanne]

The silver moon light spilled through the large windows that faced the sea in the living room. The cool light flickered across Callie Rose’s face as she nestled herself into Tobey’s side as the movie credits began. The two were sunk deep into Nana Jasmine’s leather sofa with blankets covering them both. Tobey turned his head to place a kiss on the top of Callie’s head, taking in the sweet lavender scent of her hair, and wrapped an arm around her small frame. As the movie started, Callie Rose took one of Tobey’s weathered hands into her own and sought out his eyes in the dim light.

“Thank you for saying that to me before.”
She said, pausing slightly to find the strength to speak her innermost emotions.
”It meant… a lot to me.”

With a gentle smile she moved towards him to place a kiss on his jaw, and then settled back into his side. Tobey’s heart swelled with hope at this sentiment, this was the most Callie Rose had ever come out of her shell in all of the years that Tobey had known her.

“It made me equally as happy to hear you say the same, love.”
He replied, placing a small kiss on the tip of her nose. A warm smile spread across his lips.
“But to be fair, I’ve known, hoped at least, for a while now. I just trusted that eventually you would be comfortable enough saying it out loud.”

Well it was the most emotion she had shown for a long period of time… that was except for the night that Callie found out the truth about her father. The hurt, the deception, the abandonment… the rage Tobey had seen on her face that night was too much for any one person to experience. The very thought of that horrendous night caused Tobey to give her hand a small squeeze.
The opening scene of the movie adaptation of the classic novel Wuthering Heights played across the screen of the large television and for the first time in the entire emotional day, Tobey felt the weight of the day’s labour press down on him. His eye lids felt increasingly heavy as the movie progressed, he never was a fan of the classical romances. The warmth enveloped them both and Tobey could not help but to submit to a light rest, his eyes closing and a sigh escaping his lips.
It was not until the very end of the film that Tobey was awakened by the emotional orchestral music of the closing scenes. Rosie was pressed close into his side, and though her face was expressionless, Tobey could see the wetness of her eyes glistening from the reflection of the television’s harsh light.
Shortly after, the final credits began to roll down the screen, and Tobey could feel Callie Rose stir and a soft yawn fell from her full lips. He raised his arm to look at his watch, the only family heirloom Tobey had, his grandfather’s simple silver watch on a leather wrist strap. It was already half past one in the morning, the moon hung impossibly low in the sky, still casting a faint light across the large room.
Tobey turned his head to face Rosie, who having felt his gaze turned to meet his eyes. He was a bit shocked at the intensity of her tri-colored eyes, and he knew that she was hiding something when she immediately turned her look elsewhere.

“What is it Rosie?”
Tobey inquired, his eyes searching her face, trying to grasp at any sort of hint or intention.
“Is there something you want to tell me?”

[SilentButterflies]

“It made me equally as happy to hear you say the same, love.”

Callie Rose had to smile when Tobey placed a kiss upon her nose, her eyes never leaving the glimmer of his in the shadow. She'd savour this moment for the rest of her life, the less than twenty four hours of it that were left. But there was no doubt in her mind that she'd take it to the grave with her too and beyond that because what Tobey had given her over the years was more than her own mother had done. It was more than any of her family had done; he gave her love. Sure, her nanas were there but Rose needed more than that. She needed a role model to aspire to, she needed someone there to tell her that they loved her, or make her feel loved at least. And in that moment, the brunette realized just how lucky she was to have Tobey, because he'd given her all of those things ever since they were small. Ever since he used to tell her stories that weren't real and she believed every word. It might not have seemed like it back then when they were too young and naive to even know what love was but it was still there... that same familiar underlying support.

“But to be fair, I’ve known, hoped at least, for a while now. I just trusted that eventually you would be comfortable enough saying it out loud.”

"I know.. I should have said it sooner. I'm sorry Tobey.. You just... I hoped you might have already known without me saying it because.. I don't think I've ever said that to anyone. Not my mum.. not my nanas... Nobody. Just you."
Letting a small sigh escape her lips as she seemingly deflated, Callie rested her head back against Tobey's chest and as he gave her hand a squeeze, she started running her thumb up and down his forehand before resting her eyes upon the screen as the opening credits finally ended and the actual film began.
All the way through Wuthering Heights Rose stayed relaxed and silent, getting herself lost in the love and pain of Cathy and Heathcliff, crying at the painful parts and smiling at the happy parts but all the time holding onto Tobey's hand and just taking in every little detail of him, the rhythmatic pounding of his heart, the steady up and down movement his chest made when he breathed.

It was only when the film ended did she stir and moved a hand up to wipe away the tears that kept slipping from her eyes, but much to her surprise, she found that they wouldn't stop. It was Heathcliff's death that had gotten to her so much, when at the end his spirit's found walking upon the moors with Cathy, with his love. Would that happen to her when she was gone? Would she be reunited again with Tobey one day?
But with this thought in mind was when Callie finally realized that she was terrified; she didn't want to do this. Would it hurt? Would she feel anything when her body was blown to pieces by the bomb that she held somewhere on her person?

Lifting her head up to meet Tobey's gaze, there was so much that she wanted to say in that moment. So much emotion that she wanted to let out but none of it would come. The words wouldn't roll off the end of her tongue like she wanted them to. And what about Uncle Jude? The only other person that cared about her, the only other person that was looking out for her own good. She had to do this for him.. if nobody else it was for Uncle Jude.
"No.. No, it's okay Tobey, don't worry. Just as long as you know that you'll always be in my heart, I have nothing else to tell you." With a small, sad smile as she placed a kiss upon their linked fingers, Rose stretched herself out and wiped at her eyes again before pulling up the sheets a little further and settling back down as she flicked the television onto standby. Her original plan had been to stay up all night and just.. talk with Tobey but she couldn't trust herself to not say anything. Tobey always knew how to draw things out of her and the best way to stop that was by not giving him the chance.

"Night Tobey.." Callie murmured with her eyes closed, her arm draped over his torso as she exhaled. "Love you."