To Find A Bit Of Sanity

nightwolf · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **nightwolf** on Fri Sep 10, 2010 3:52 pm

Ali yawned loudly as his eyes opened, he still felt tired he must have fell asleep a few hours earlier. A mix of parinoid thoughts and the voice in his head tearing into him, after pacing his room a few times and bitting down on his hand to the point of bleeding he finnaly fell asleep.

Pulling the covers off himself he slowly walked over to his chest of drawers it was clear the the nurse had already came to put his clothes out for him getting dressed quickly he waited for the nurse to escort him to the dinning area to eat. He wasn't hungry but he didnt want to have a drip in his arm again that was a risk as he would take out the drip and use the butterfly to hurt himself and others.

C'mon Ali leave you room go somewhere else the voice murmered in the back of his head. Ali turned his head behind him slightly "No..shh" The door handle jiggled and unlocked the nurse walked in slowly smilling warmly at Ali " hey Ali! you ready for breakfast?" she asked holding her hand out to him. Ali took it tightly without a word he kept his head low his hair covering his greyish eyes "Did you sleep well Ali?" the nurse asked softly as they walked at a comfortable speed. Ali's head shook quickly "N-No... didn't" he mumbled.

He was guided to a cold steel table, dull in colour due to extended use. Sitting down he looked around the room checking every precise detail before looking at the bowl of porridge in front of him "I'll be back soon with your medicene Ali" she patted his shoulder lightly, encouraging to eat.

pompeygal93 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **pompeygal93** on Fri Sep 10, 2010 4:13 pm

Claire looked into the small briefcase and pulled out her glasses case which was tucked neatly into one of the inside pockets. She put her glasses on slowly adjusting them to a perfect position, as she walked down the stone path towards the massvie mansion-like building. Her heels clicked against the stone, making a simple yet calming rythm, which in a way calmed her nerves. Like any ordinary person would be, she was nervous for her first day of work.

She watched as a caretaker shut the back of a white van thats contents were now empty. 'Good, my office will be done,' she thought to herself as she went through the big double doors of the hospital. The inside of the hospital was very contradictory to the exterior. Though the exterior looked warm, almost like a family mansion, the interior was clinical. White walls and white furniture could be seen everywhere, supposingly calming, however to Claire it only put her on edge more. As she walked up to the reception desk she smiled politely stating her name, and was given a staff badge and an electronic key. She looked at it inquisitively. "Security, you understand," smiled the greying receptionist, and Calire just replied with a nod, turning to the door and using her electronic key against the panel to let herself inside.

Inside she could hear screams already, something that she was used to hearing in mental hospitals and had little emotional effect on her now. Obviously one of the patients was already kicking off. Yet she wouldn't be doing the more hands on caring, but be more of the trusting psychologists. If needed she would attend the actual hospital herself, helping to calm patients with words, but mostly she would be in her office. And that was a good thing for Claire, a place she could calm down in, which was very important in her demanding line of work.

She quickly went up to her office avoiding all patients for the moment. She would only be dealing with one and needed to focus her attention onto that. She looked around, not everything was how it should be and after moving a few paintings and ornaments around she managed to get it to a satisfactory level. She then sat at her desk reading her patients case file. What a dreadful beginning he had, no wonder he had these mental health issues. She would have to be careful. Being so isolated so young, and only having negative social interaction would mean he would not be easy to talk to, neither would he be trusting.

Claire kicked her shoes off, her feet rubbing against the faux rug underneath her desk. She picked up the telephone calling down to one of the wards. "Hey its Claire Hooper. Can you bring Alistair upstairs for his first appointment please?" The phone was hung up. 'Bye to you too,' she mumbled, whilst getting a notebook out of her drawer and switching on the PC.

nightwolf · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **nightwolf** on Fri Sep 10, 2010 4:50 pm

Ali looked up at the nurse who had given him his medication a few minutes again held her hand out to him she smiled and spoke "Time to go to your appointment now Ali, remember?" She said as she hoisted himself up. Looking down at the still near full bowl of porridge she made a mental note to write this down later he had to start eating soon but she didn't want to pressure him to much though. Ali nodded slowly in understanding he remembered being told last week this was so he could prepare himself.

He stayed close to the nurse as they slowly reached to office, watching as the nurse scanned the card that opened the door those cards always intruiged him. Pushing the door open the nurse unlatched Ali's spider like grip from her and lightly touched the small of his back to get him to move into the room. He paused about 4 feet into the room, he eyes scanning every detail every picture frame he saw the number of pens she had. Looking down at the floor he shook his head lightly, his mouth silently counting over in his head. Hearing the door click behind him he glanced at his new Psycologist but looked away almost a split second after. He produced a small squeaky noise at the back of his throat and rubbed his hands together nervously.

pompeygal93 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **pompeygal93** on Fri Sep 10, 2010 5:29 pm

Claire had just finsihed writing some mental notes down of a plan of action, as the nurse brought Alistair into the room. She watched as Alistair held on tightly to the nurse, obviously afraid of the change that a new psychologist would have on him. This would have a big impact on a boy like Alistair, a boy with his condition. Claire looked him up and down making mental notes in her head. He didn't like change and perhaps didn't like the pictures on the wall. Not that she would move them off the wall for him, as if he was coming here every day, she wouldn't have time ot move them each time. So she simply watched as the nurse, gently coaxed him into the room and he stood there, almost terrified just by coming simply into a different office. Claire knew then that she had her work cut out.

The nurse locked the door quickly and Alistair became more anxious instantly, trying to refrain from any eye contact and rubbing his hands together, perhaps another one of his comforts. The link to his hands she wasn't sure of, perhaps because of the fact he could hurt himself with his hands, but she would not rush to any harsh decisions yet before she had spoken to him first. Unlike most psychologists she didn't just monitor behaviour and listened to the patients view on there own mental health which led her to some more accurate diagnosis. Alistair wasn't typical though, she hadn't worked with a patient that had quite this level of paranoia.

Claire walked over to a painting she saw Alistair had been staring at only moments before hand. "Beautiful isn't it. The colours, the lines that the artist has tried to use to create this summer scene. All the flowers and the nature are very calming, and they all fit together perfectly like a jigsaw. Just how they should be." She touched the canvas with her hands gently, stroking the delicate scene, taking it all in very calmly. "But my favourite thing is the flowers, there very pretty and nice to look at. But I like flowers in general Alistair." Claire watched as little response came from the adolescent. She then turned to a vase of flowers sat on the windowsill.

"But do you know why I love flowers Alistair?" she said rhetorically, "Well because they have a certain life they have to go through. They start as buds and then they grow into this beautiful delicate object that evokes so much emotion. But then after that they spread their seeds to other flowers so as the next generation can go on, and then eventually they die. And everything has to be done in a certain time within the flowers life. And it is done due to no complications. No changes in there life. Kind of like a routine, and that routine never falters for there is no complication for a flower. Well apart from human or animal intervention of course. How it must be nice in your life to have certain things to do, certain goals and certain time spans to do it is. Routine is an odd kind of freedom in a way you see." Claire returned to her desk looking at him slowly.

"Now Alistair, I am not going to treat you like a child. For I believe that you are an intelligent person deep down. So please wont you take a seat, and then maybe we can talk some more. And we can talk about whatever you like, and get to know each other. If you would like of course? Because being an adult means you get to make your own decisions, and I won't force you into any as long as they are made justly." Claire smiled, pointing to the seat, wondering if he would sit.

nightwolf · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **nightwolf** on Fri Sep 10, 2010 6:15 pm

Ali watched as she got up and began talking about flowers, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion at some of the things she said. He visibly tensed at his full name wondering wether she noticed. As she gestured to the chair he looked at it for a while before looking at her, his body tensed lightly and he walked slowly to the chair.

Sinking down into the chair he looked around the room again seeing things from a diferent perspective he looked at her desk counting everything the pens and a few folders containing something. Opening his mouth he shook his head quickly tapping his head twice he looked briefly at her again but looked down to the floor. He sqeaked before speaking "i...i'm Ali...n-not...Alistair" he said quietly the words hardly leaving his lips. He hated his full name the voice stuck in his head called him that occcaisionally, that's why he hated being called it.

She's watching you Alistair, you should be carefull

Ali moaned lightly his mouth locking over his hand the part in between his thumb and the rest of his fingers.Cheweing on it lightly his eyes flickered up and down.

(laast post of the night see you tomorow)

pompeygal93 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **pompeygal93** on Fri Sep 10, 2010 7:01 pm

She watched as he sat in the chair. Her first victory, but she hadn't won the war yet. She watched as he looked over her desk, watching everything closely, taking everything in. It seemed as if he was counting things, and making sure everything was in order. Probably so he could recall these facts so that next time he came to her office he would have some kind of routine and know there was exactly 6 pens or 6 pencils. Part of his idea of control she guessed. She watched as he spoke, slightly muffled and muttered, yet still any interaction with this patient was hopeful.

"I'm sorry Ali, I didn't mean to offend you. I will always call you by your nickname from now on, okay?" She smiled at him for a minute and she could of sweared he looked at her, but all of a sudden he moaned and then carried on to start biting his hand. But for now it was gentle, a comforter, like a thumb or a blanket for a child. And she wouldn't take too much notice on it, unless it became agressive and he could hurt himself.

"So Ali, this is your appointment. Its for you... so what would you like to talk about hmmm?" She watched as he seemed unresponsive.

"Okay Ali, well let me tell you about myself. I am Claire, and I will be seeing you everyday at precisely 11 o'clock from now on. I am 22, and I like.. well you know I like flowers, and I like...hmmm.... chocolate, shoes, and I like a nice cup of tea. What do you like Ali?" She smiled at him now, not holding too much eye contact as it would make it uncomfortable, but enough to make a calming atmosphere in the room.

"Oh by the way do you like the nice light yellow on the wall Ali? I find it nice and calming... apart from the smell of paint in here, its horrible. I'm not much of a decorator myself, I suck at DIY? Maybe if I decorate again you can help out, being a man and all." Okay so she had gone for the giving him purpose here, making him feel important, because right now she knew he must have felt like the loneliest person in the world. Well alone with the voices in his head, which she had read previously from his case sheet.

nightwolf · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **nightwolf** on Sat Sep 11, 2010 9:29 am

Ali's eyes flickered to Claire about seven times as she explained miniscule details about herself, her name, age and what she liked to do. She asked him a few questions as she spoke to him, he was fading in and out of listening to her. He finnaly zoned back in a few seconds after she stopped talking.

Taking his hand out of his mouth he contemplated his answer before speaking "I...like.." his voice trailed off as he tried to think about what he liked doing. A confused look occoured on his face he wasn't sure about what he liked doing the only activities that the hospital provided felt to dangerous to Ali so he would usually just sit himself in front of the tv only select shows really other times he would just sit in his chair and stare of into space. He swallowed dryly shaking his head lightly "I d-don't...don't know" he mumbled into his chest.

pompeygal93 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **pompeygal93** on Sat Sep 11, 2010 9:56 am

As confusing hit Ali’s face it hurt Claire a little. ‘Poor Guy…’ she thought in her head as she sunk lower into her chair. “There has to be something you like doing Ali, it could be anything in the world, anything at all. Or just something you like to look at, something you find…. Pleasant.”

She looked at him once again, and then decided it would be best to introduce him to a new activity. “Well Ali, how about we do something together. Something nice.” Claire pulled 2 notepads out of her drawer and 2 pens. As she opened the first page, she wrote Ali’s name on it in Elizabethan style writing, and then wrote her own on the other notebook.

“Ali what I want you to do for me, is after every appointment I want you to write something in this book about how you felt about the appointment, and then I will write something in mine that I liked. And then perhaps once every week we could look at each others books, and then see what we did and didn’t like about each appointment and fix it so we are both comfortable. How does that sound?”

She looked over him, as he still appeared nervous and unsettled and pushed the book and the pen towards him. “You can take them Ali, there a gift from me to you.” She smiled whole-heartedly at him and then whispered, “Your in control Ali, I will do everything I can to help you, but you must make the effort to help me out too. I promise I will do my best for you, as a friend.”

She leant back in her chair, so as not to pressurize him and then started to write in her book.

nightwolf · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **nightwolf** on Sat Sep 11, 2010 10:45 am

Ali watched Claire carefully as she got some items for her desk handing it to Ali. He looked at the items his hand slowly reaching out to take them, he hesitated before taking them. Running his fingers over the beautifull writting he took the pen looking at it with interest he looked down at the paper then at the pen. He didn't know what to do Claire said to write something good and bad about the session.

Letting a light moan escape his lips he looked at Claire in confusion "I..dont know...h-ow.." he said shaking his head quickly his hand gripping around the pen tightly the knuckles turning white and shaking.

He didn't know how to read or write the nurses and previous doctors had tried to teach him but with no affect, he hated anyone getting close to him things confused him easily and it made his head hurt.

pompeygal93 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **pompeygal93** on Sat Sep 11, 2010 10:59 am

Claire smiled at Ali. Of course he couldn’t read and write, how stupid it was for her to think he could. “Well how about you tell me what you liked and didn’t like instead, and I will tell you.”

His hand gripped around the pen and she took it from him gently brushing her fingertips against his own. “Sorry Ali, I didn’t mean to touch you. Its just you would have made a mess breaking that pen and the circulation from your fingers were going.”

She frowned at herself due to her stupidity of touching him, and just sat back waiting for the reaction, half worried, but half hoping it wouldn’t be overly bad. For otherwise she would have to end the appointment, and they already had made quite a bit of progress.

nightwolf · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **nightwolf** on Sat Sep 11, 2010 11:38 am

Ali moaned again as Claire reached over and touched his hand prying the pen from his hand. He ran his hands through his hair gripping a handfull and pulling at it lightly a few times not hard enough to rip out any strands of hair just enough to cause short sharp burst of pain. Shaking his head quickly he groaned and resumed biting his hand.

His breathing quickened like a build up to a panic attack which were always regular in the hospital some patients would have the round the clock other harly ever. Ali was sort of in between due to the large number of things that could set him off.

Doing this did calm Ali down even if his did hurt himself in the process, Ali didn't notice pain as much any more small amounts of pain he could manage like injections and occasioanlly whenever he would cut himself. But the hospital made it hard to aquire sharp objects searches were done regularly for security reasons becuase of the more violent prone patients it was necessary.

pompeygal93 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **pompeygal93** on Sun Sep 12, 2010 10:00 am

Claire watched silently as Ali calmed down. She was about to call one of the nurses to come and get him, but soon enough his breathing had slowed and Claire progressed cautiously.

“Good Ali, your in control of your body, remember that.” She smiled looking over to the wall, trying to think of what to do with this person, how to proceed. The littlest of things could trigger his ‘episodes’, so she had to be careful with her actions towards him. She turned back to him.

“Ali, I hope we can become friends.” She focused on his eyes, trying to find the emotion in his eyes. He looked scared, not particularly of her, but of something. Probably his past experiences, but she couldn’t be sure.

“So Ali, has anything been going on lately? In the hospital I mean, what have you been doing with your time here?”

nightwolf · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **nightwolf** on Sun Sep 12, 2010 10:53 am

Ali looked up at Claire as she spoke asking him what he did in his spare time. Shaking his head to himself he released his hand from his mouth he spoke. "I...watch T.V most of the time..then..I...don't do much" he explained slowly he rubbed his hands together slowly rocking back and forth. He kept his eyes on the looking at the carpet underneath Claire's desk he could almost feel her eyes trying to lock onto his own,but he didn't want to look at her.

He moaned lightly as the voice in his head hissed cruel comments in the back of his head.

pompeygal93 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **pompeygal93** on Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:26 pm

She rubbed her feet under the table until the phone rang. "Excuse me a second Ali." On the other end of the phone was the nurse, saying Ali had to go eat something, as he hadn't eaten his porridge earlier, and as was wrote on his case notes... he was horribly underweight. "Okay, give us 2 minutes."

Claire turned to Ali. "Okay well you have to go in about 2 minutes to go and have something to eat, but before we finish we have to say a thing we liked and disliked about the session. I'll go first. I liked that I got to talk to you, but I didn't like that you got upset when I took the pen from you. Okay, you next now Ali."

nightwolf · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **nightwolf** on Mon Sep 13, 2010 3:24 pm

Ali listened to what Claire had to say, she said that she liked talking to him and she didn't like it that he got upset when she took the pen from his tight grip. He stared at the floor for a while rubbing his hands together slowly he opened his mouth. "I..." he began but his voice trailed off he looked up at Claire then back at the floor "I like...your pictures..a-...and i didn't like when you touched me" he shook his head lightly closing his eyes tightly.

It seemed to Ali that Claire seemed to care that Ali didn't like being touched and she seemed to respect that. Shaking his head to himself he tapped his head a few times and held onto his hair.

pompeygal93 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **pompeygal93** on Tue Sep 14, 2010 8:15 am

The nurse knocked the door quickly and rapidly. "Come in!" Claire yelled as the rythm of the tapping was driving her insane.

"Come on Ali, time to go, you need to eat something." The nurses demeanor was cruel and unempathetic, almost harsh, but Claire put this to one side.

"I'll see you tomorrow Ali, Thankyou for being so co-operative today," she yelled as the nurse led Ali out of the room. Claire then turned her PC on and started to write notes about todays session with Ali.

nightwolf · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **nightwolf** on Tue Sep 14, 2010 1:48 pm

Ali took the nurses hand as she led him to a table. "Stay Here, Ali. and i mean it this time I'm not in the mood for your silliness today" The nurse said walking off to collect his food. Ali was confused this nurse wasn't usually assigned to him where was the usual nurse? His nurse the only one he felt safe with. The nurse placed a plate of spagetti in front of him, it looked like a large ammount of food and Ali shook his head slightly, picking up a fork he ate slowly gagging a few time he forced down half of the large meal pushing the plate away the nurse nodded and took the plate away "You can go now Ali" she mumbled walking off. Ali looked down at the floor he didn't know what do he had never been left alone to his own devices with the exception of watching tv but in the hospital he was completely dependent on other people for assistance with things. he rubbed his hnds together quickly looking around, his eyes lit up at the familiar face of the nurse came back into the room. "Come on Ali, i'm sorry i couldn't get back to you sooner i had to take a phone call" She held her hand out which he obviously took. "Wanna go watch tv?" she asked "Yeah" Ali replied nodding as they walked into the living area of hospital. Ali imedeately walked to his favourite chair and sat down tucking his legs underneath him.

A tall man wallked up to Claire's office knocking on the door before scanning his card and entering. "Hello Claire. I'm Scott Mavericks the director of the hospital i wanted to know how your session with Alistiar went today?" he smiled kindly taking a seat.

pompeygal93 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **pompeygal93** on Tue Sep 14, 2010 2:20 pm

Claire looked up from her notes to see the Director of the Mental hospital. She had only met him once in her interview, in which he only appeared for a few minutes.

"Alistair seems to be doing okay. I mean as okay as he can be. We just got down to getting to know each other first. I try to get on a trust basis with my patients. However from seeing him so far I would diagnose him with Paranoid Personality disorder with slight psychosis episodes, but I cannot diagnose him fully until I have seen him more. You understand." Claire looked through Alistairs notes again, reading them fully.

"Also some compulsive obsessive traits can be seen and possibly some scitzophrenia, due to him seeming to be listening to someone else whilst listening to me also. I will keep an eye on these as I carry on my work with him of course. But I hope to try and get as full a recovery as possible from him. I think he just needs to learn to trust people and to work on cognitive functions such as typical socialising and typical hobbies etc, neither of which he seems to be able to cope with. Also the functioning of reading and writing would be helpful. I was hoping you could get one of the nurses to help him with this."

nightwolf · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **nightwolf** on Tue Sep 14, 2010 2:55 pm

Scott nodded in understanding, he cared about the welfare of his paitients and his staff. "I can arrange that for you it may take some time but i think we'll get Alistairs reading and writting up to standards. Please feel free to walk around the hospital and doing some observations, i'm not really sure how you work. so i wont try to influence your methods, if you have any problems please come up and see me" Scott spoke softly standing up he walked to the door opening it he left closing the door behind him.

pompeygal93 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **pompeygal93** on Tue Sep 14, 2010 3:15 pm

"Thanks," Claire said as he shut the door. As she finished her paperwork she decided to take Scoots advice and go downstairs. Soon enough she found Alistair in front of the TV with his nurse.

"Hey Ali," she waved and sat down next to him, not too close of couse. "What are you watching?"

To Find A Bit Of Sanity

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