Help With Evoking Emotions

I come to you today with a solemn request. It is simple yet quite difficult but I present you with this challenge that you might accept it and help a somewhat-newbie writer.

To be quite frank, I have been writing for 4-5 years (give or take one or two) and I can write quite well. I'm not the best writer and I would never say I was. I have improved my speech with my characters so they seem more realistic and I am getting much better with action sequences. However, I can only write with one emotion; humor.

My greatest downfall in the literary world is the fact that I can write in humor and only humor. I can make the reader crack a smile, smile from ear-to-ear, giggle, laugh quietly, laugh louder, lough as loud as possible, or even randomly burst out laughing. I can make a sad reader happy and a happy reader even happier. I can put a little bit of humor in a chapter or have every chapter of a story so full of humor that no more can possibly be packed in.

Sadly, that's where my limit comes in. I recently read the book Of Mice and Men and I cried at the end. I want to be able to write a story where the reader will cry at the end. I have problems evoking emotion and I'm just no good at it. I can't make a reader cry or become angry, I can only make them become uncontrollably happy.

I am quite descriptive already and can easily paint a picture of a scene or make the reader visualize a person. I can describe an action and paint a movie with words, creating a flowering bit of art. But I want to go further. I want to take those blooming, artistic skills and use them to create emotions. Joy and happiness is easy, it comes almost naturally. But I want the reader to feel what my characters feel.

After all, in a book the characters are as real to each other as the sun and the moon. They can talk, feel, interact, and show emotion in their own ways. Each character has their own personality and so much more. But I want to be able to show their emotions deeper than just saying, 'he sat on the ground, tears making tracks down his face'. I want to do it in a way the the reader will feel a twinge in their heart and they will feel truly sorry for the characters. I want them to feel what my character is feeling.

So my challenge to you is simple: I want you to teach me how to write in a way that I can evoke an emotion. To be quite simple, I want to write more emotions than just humor. I want my stories to be realistic. I want to be able to write tragedy, hurt and comfort, anger, joy, and so much more. Because what good is writing humor when you with to evoke sadness or anger? Thus I want to further improve my writing skills so that I might be able to write a wonderful story and publish it, grabbing the hearts of all who may read it and more for generations to come. I want to leave a final mark on this earth which we call home and I want to go out with a bang! But to do so, I need some help improving my work.

(Need a sample of a story I'm writing? Ask me and I'll send you a link to a story that I'm currently working on.) (Yeah, it's long. So what? If I got my point across then it worked, right? And as long as it worked, I'm happy.)

Umm... I'm not the best but... I could try and give you advice?

I'm still learning some too, but go ahead and send me the sample. I'll see if I can help you out any.

Wow. Didn't expect anyone to show interest right away. Here's a link for any future people who show interest: http://www.fictionpress.com/s/2625298/1 ... _the_Flame

There's only two chapters so far but it should give you a taste of what I can do.

((Bear in mind that this is all my opinion. If anyone else has a better suggestion...))

Before we begin, a moment of introduction about myself--since I harp on the intros later. I'm 18 years old, and I graduated from high school last year, but I've got college-level lit classes under my belt, and I'm signing up for more as we speak. I've been roleplaying for a little over a year now, and most of my friends do this as well, but I've been witing poetry and short stories since I was ten. Also, I'm an actor by obsession, so I get a little more experience with characters. I'm not the best, but I've got some credentials. On to business!
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First off, solid start. You've made a decent introduction for Seijun. Just remember that the way you describe him is exactly how the reader will see him, and the intro is the best time to show his thought process.

The whole prologue really just needs to be cleaned up some. Give it a few weeks to chill while you continue writing, then come back and revise a little bit. Make sure you give the lines about his face markings a good once-over. They're a little too...detatched. I'll touch on how to fix that a little later.

Finally, the last paragraph.

Now that Seijun has been introduced, the best thing to do would be to take your time and use some more colorful words. Maybe try and describe it from his view.

The big thing to remember is that the first part of evoking emotions is to build that emotional connection between the cast and their audience.
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Wow. So much to say, so much to say. Let's go from the top. The first encounter between Seijun and Yani is a good idea. I like where you're taking it and they've got good chemnistry, but it needs to be tweaked.

Try making the buildup of anger a more obvious thing. Again, it's that emotional connection you really want. A quick intro of the house they're in would be a good idea too. Just a couple of sentences ought to do the trick.

The description of Seekers and Protectors works, but their dialogue is a little sloppy. Are you completely comfortable with these characters?

Yani leaves rather suddenly and without explanation, and that threw me off a little bit. Last up, was the whole night before a dream sequence? If so, once again, just a sentence to say so would be nice, because the ending is confusing.
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All-in-all, a damn good rough draft. There are a few grammar errors and such, but I trust you'll find those, so I won't waste time ponting them out. Besides, we're all human, and therefor, prone to error.

It's obvious that you try to demand excellence from your writing, and while that may help sometimes, it's more often the biggest block that many writers face. Just let the words flow. Assume that your work will be imperfect the first time through, and rest assured that you will have a chance to come back and fix it later. You're obviously talented, so you'll definitely get the hang of letting your pen do the work.

Word choice is always important. The emotional connection I mentioned is made in two areas. How the character is described, and what the character does. The description includes everything from actual physical description to how his actions are worded, while 'what the character does' is self-explanatory. It's what, not how. If you want, I can go into some more depth there, but you've gotta ak for that one, because it's gonna take a minute to type.

Last for now, but certainly the most important to me, we have the character development.

Writing fiction is a big challenge unless you know your characters, and there were a few spots that felt...uncomfortable.

Flesh out your major characters. Write a backstory that only you know about. (ie-when their father told them about being Seekers and Protectors) It will let you better realize their reactions and emotions and all of their little quirks.

Also, when you flesh out the people in your story, they start to become real. If you do it right, you'll find that Seijun is similar to you in some way, and start noticing actions /he/ would take or things /he/ would say. This is called 'getting into character'. If you master that skill, the characters will write the story themselves. All you have to do is put pen to paper.

Yes. I'm thinking of rewriting the second chapter a bit. As for the first, the description of his face is as best as I can get it. I'm much better with drawing things than I am with describing them with words. I'm a very visual person. XD

Anyway, that story was just a sample of my work. It's for humorous purposes mostly. However, I would like to start writing another story which is why I came with that message. As for getting into character, I have the perfect character which I know inside out.

You seem to know a lot about writing. Why don't you send me a message and we'll go from there?