How do you know?

RedPitbull · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **RedPitbull** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 2:56 pm

I often find myself asking; how do I tell if someone truly loves me? and well now if you’re a guy asking the same question, I believe I have some answers. If you don’t know if your girl loves you, heres some ways of telling how sincere she is, or even if she doesn’t tell you all the time and you feel like she doesn’t,
1) if she waits by the phone for you to call,
2) if she turns off the tv and phone when ever you two are together,
3) if you’re out, she blocks everything else out and pays attention to only you.
4) if she talks about you all the time.
5) if she can just sit there for hours and look into your eyes.
Sometimes I ask myself how can I tell if my boyfriend really does love me, or if he’s just messing with my emotions, so I need a guys advice, and if you’re still foggy of what I said, just ask and I’ll clarify.

jajganker · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **jajganker** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 4:35 pm

Actually, I would have to say it's a bit different for all of us.
Though, more or less the idea is that the person is one of their main focuses. I only say this because I am so ADD that if I see bright colors or stripes in my peripheral, I have to look. I also don't really turn off the tv. Why? I like to cuddle while watching cute movies. Why? They're amazing.

RedPitbull · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **RedPitbull** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 4:52 pm

Well yeah, but I find it hard to be still at times, having ADHD, I'm on heavy meds and find myself moving around alot when not on them and every little thing is distracting, thats why when I have friends around, I tell them to put their lighters away. But if you have other ways, please tell.

Fallacy · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Fallacy** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 5:24 pm

What is love? What is an acceptable amount of love?

RedPitbull · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **RedPitbull** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 6:08 pm

Part of one of my many favorite bible verse's is 'Love must be sincere' I agree, love is sincere and unconditional. If you are in a relationship, and you tell them you love them, then something happens, and ya'll end, then you say 'I don't love you' you never did love them. Because love is love, once you've loved someone, and you meant it, you can't stop, like if your dog dies, and you loved him or her, you still love them, even though they are dead.

Another, more personal one is love is love. "Love keeps no record of how many times it has been wronged" that I take to heart, because well you can't really count how many times you have been wronged, either by the same person, or many, we all love at least one thing, I happen to love a lot of things, and love is all around us, animals love, people love, some people love animals, but all animals love people.

Right now, i'm finding it hard to explain many things clearly, I hope I meant sense to everyone who reads this.

jajganker · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **jajganker** on Sun Mar 20, 2011 9:35 pm

For me, with telling whether or not it's real...um...this might sound strange but I don't tell everybody a lot of things. There are many things that my friends and family don't know. Many things that have happened to me on an emotional level, and even things I've almost done about it. Things I can only tell the man that I am certain I love. Of course, I'm still young, so what do I know?

I know things about him. When he tries to explain something, and it sounds confusing, I know what he's trying to say. He has Muscular Dystrophy, and I still love him well. I could care less if he were sick. The only thing that matters is that he's here now.

I can tell him anything, and he doesn't just say "sucks to be you". He tries to help me or make me happy. He likes to hear my voice, and I like to hear his. We might not be entirely happy talking to each other, but it helps me carry on when I'm feeling down. I know that I give him that fortitude too. That's all I really know.

Fallacy · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Fallacy** on Mon Mar 21, 2011 1:39 am

RedHeadBass15 wrote:Part of one of my many favorite bible verse's is 'Love must be sincere' I agree, love is sincere and unconditional. If you are in a relationship, and you tell them you love them, then something happens, and ya'll end, then you say 'I don't love you' you never did love them. Because love is love, once you've loved someone, and you meant it, you can't stop, like if your dog dies, and you loved him or her, you still love them, even though they are dead.

Another, more personal one is love is love. "Love keeps no record of how many times it has been wronged" that I take to heart, because well you can't really count how many times you have been wronged, either by the same person, or many, we all love at least one thing, I happen to love a lot of things, and love is all around us, animals love, people love, some people love animals, but all animals love people.

Right now, i'm finding it hard to explain many things clearly, I hope I meant sense to everyone who reads this.

I know this isn't really meant to be a debate thread, but I disagree entirely with everything you just said.

First off, of course love is conditional. You enter into a relationship with a set of expectations and conditions, either implied or explicitly stated. The reason you love someone in the first place is because they meet conditions that make you love them. If they suddenly stop meeting those conditions, then there's a very good chance you won't love them anymore (at least in the same romantic way).

Of course you can stop loving someone. Love isn't some magical emotion that you always have for someone, and if you stop feeling it towards someone you never felt it towards them in the first place. People fall in and out of love all the time. Life isn't a Disney movie.

I don't really get what you're trying to say in the second paragraph. It seems really jumbled. You did say that love doesn't count the number of times it's been wronged, which is bullocks. If your spouse continually cheats on you, won't you eventually have enough and divorce him/her?

There is love in the world, but there is far more hate, angry, pain, sadness, fear, bigotry, prejudice, greed, and other such negative things. And not all animals love people; in fact, most don't.

RedPitbull · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **RedPitbull** on Mon Mar 21, 2011 3:49 pm

jajganker wrote:For me, with telling whether or not it's real...um...this might sound strange but I don't tell everybody a lot of things. There are many things that my friends and family don't know. Many things that have happened to me on an emotional level, and even things I've almost done about it. Things I can only tell the man that I am certain I love. Of course, I'm still young, so what do I know?

I know things about him. When he tries to explain something, and it sounds confusing, I know what he's trying to say. He has Muscular Dystrophy, and I still love him well. I could care less if he were sick. The only thing that matters is that he's here now.

I can tell him anything, and he doesn't just say "sucks to be you". He tries to help me or make me happy. He likes to hear my voice, and I like to hear his. We might not be entirely happy talking to each other, but it helps me carry on when I'm feeling down. I know that I give him that fortitude too. That's all I really know.

The underlined word from your quote, what is that exactly?

I get what you're saying, and yeah my boyfriend is the same way, but he will go out of his way to make me smile, even if it's just a sliver of a smile thats how I know he cares about me and some of the other stuff he does that lead me to believe he loves me. Some people who know me well on this site, know how many screwed up relationships i've had, but this one is just really good for me. And his love is what keeps me going, many people HATE him, but I don't care. Yes he may be a jerk to others, but he doesn't take any shit from anyone. And well he is a stronger christian than I will ever be and thats another way I know he loves me, because even if I'm not as into it as he is, he still loves me

I did babble a little, but it's just because today is my 'blonde moment' day.

And Epic, If this turns into debate, I'm fine with it. I disagree, and stand by my 'love keeps no record of how many times its been wronged' comment, but yes I would, but I know my boyfriend wouldn't cheat on me, and I won't cheat on him. I just know it, and I would still love him. I can't fully answer you right now, my mind is foggy. I guess this could be turned into a debate..

Assassin · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Assassin** on Mon Mar 21, 2011 4:26 pm

Yeahhh, I beat my girlfriend up a lot. Sometimes three, four times a day. I have a special stick, I call it my "woman shaddup" stick. Sometimes I lock her in the closet and beat her with it. But I only starve her on sundays. The rest of the week, I give her salt-licks and a glass of water. I'm just kidding by the way, I don't really do that. I actually starve her six days a week, and only feed her on sundays. Whenever she says she loves me, I just burp and throw an empty beer can at her. Then I yell at her to fetch me another cold one, and if she doesn't, I'll crack that woman's head open with the TV remote. ^_^

Blackbird26 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Blackbird26** on Mon Mar 21, 2011 4:30 pm

epicfaceofwin wrote:First off, of course love is conditional. You enter into a relationship with a set of expectations and conditions, either implied or explicitly stated. The reason you love someone in the first place is because they meet conditions that make you love them. If they suddenly stop meeting those conditions, then there's a very good chance you won't love them anymore (at least in the same romantic way).

I have to give my two cents on this you just said. Although I usually just lurk on this particular section of the forum.

I think that if you stop loving someone the moment that person fail your expectations then you simply never loved or even knew that person to begin with. And I do believe that love can be unconditional in the sense that the feeling doesn't simply go away simply because you want it to. The moment someone wrongs you and it hurts you deep it's because you love that person in the first place, otherwise it wouldn't hurt as much. Hate and disappointment may come later eventually for one reason or another but it doesn't mean that the love isn't there. It just means it's not enough to maintain a relationship.

Therefore, a relationship does not depend exclusively on love, and the fact that relationships are conditional doesn't mean love is.

With that said...

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years (will be 4 years on the 28th of this month) and he is currently away on another state for college. I see him once, sometimes twice, a month. We decided after a lot of debating that it just wasn't worth breaking up over this, I have no regrets.
Although we were both pretty much still kids when we started dating I've never in 4 years waited by the phone or turned off the tv for him though and I'm definitely not big on random displays of affection. Plus, if I look into anyone's eyes for too long I will laugh. Still I have my own ways of showing love.

And I know he loves me because of little things such as knowing if I'm upset by the time it takes me to reply on MSN. Or buying me arrows for Christmans because he knows I always brake mine. Or sending me random e-mails talking about how completely uneventful his day was. Seemingly meaningless things really.

Assassin: Woah, what a ~~stupid~~ lucky girlfriend you have! Good luck to you both. Heh.

Assassin · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Assassin** on Mon Mar 21, 2011 4:40 pm

I do have a lucky girlfriend. Or maybe I'm just lucky cuz she loves me. I don't really beat her up by the way. But it sounded nice tho, didn't it? Love ya honey. -_^

RedPitbull · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **RedPitbull** on Mon Mar 21, 2011 5:01 pm

Blackbird26 wrote:I have to give my two cents on this you just said. Although I usually just lurk on this particular section of the forum.

I think that if you stop loving someone the moment that person fail your expectations then you simply never loved or even knew that person to begin with. And I do believe that love can be unconditional in the sense that the feeling doesn't simply go away simply because you want it to. The moment someone wrongs you and it hurts you deep it's because you love that person in the first place, otherwise it wouldn't hurt as much. Hate and disappointment may come later eventually for one reason or another but it doesn't mean that the love isn't there. It just means it's not enough to maintain a relationship.

The first part, I agree 100% with, and that is what I was trying to say, now my mind is a bit more clear, (cream soda and toaster strudel helped.) I'll just use the whole bible verse, which my boyfriend told me to look up, and I did. Took me a while to realize why he emphasized reading it alone(which I didn't do, in fact, I did it infront of 9other people, and I was the only christian at the table. Yes I bring my bible to school. And don't give a rip what others say! >:P):
Love is patient, love is kind(love means slowly losing your mind), it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of how many times it has been wronged, love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers
I love that bible verse, I really do. It took me almost two weeks to discover why he wanted me to read it.

Assassin: If your girlfriend is watching you type, you better let her know how much you love her, and never would hurt her!

jajganker · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **jajganker** on Mon Mar 21, 2011 6:39 pm

Muscular Dystrophy is a degenerative genetic disease. He will slowly lose muscle mass and strength until the day he dies. It's not something that can be controlled. Here, I see such things as people drawing away just because of things like his MD. His own father and brother were abusive to him because of it.

Anyway, I do believe that love is unconditional, but I don't think, depending on what happens, that it can last. I mean, everybody loves their parents when they're too young to really understand. In extreme circumstances, they come to hate them. I think it works the same on a romantic level.

However, you can't just click the button on and off. You love them, and it has to go to the extreme to end. Otherwise, it wasn't really love in the first place.

Oh, and when I'm feeling bad, he does try to make me smile. He just also has picked up that it peeves me off if you try to make me smile without trying to help me deal with whatever issue I'm facing. Especially if I'm crying. Funny thing is, I started liking him when he tried to deal with my problems. We'd only met that day, and I was crying my eyes out. Good man, he is.

Assassin · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Assassin** on Mon Mar 21, 2011 9:51 pm

She's reading this, and she knows...

My father once said, "True love is never having to say you're sorry". Funny, cuz he left my mom without ever saying anything. lol - Seriously, though, talk is cheap. I guess my point is, it doesn't matter what you say really, cuz "love" is just a four letter word any way. Anyone can say they love someone, but true love is shown through your actions, not your words. I've seen crazy things happen just over words, and words don't really mean anything. True love is deeper than words really, and more complicated than simple explanations could explain. There's family love, brotherly love between friends, intimate love between couples, and lust could be considered a form of material love as well. So love is complicated, and people shouldn't be so quick to judge you just by what you say. That applies to everyone everywhere, both on and off the internet. That's all I gotta say. <3

jajganker · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **jajganker** on Mon Mar 21, 2011 10:06 pm

I know about judging by what's said. I guess it's more how it's said, what I know of the person, and also their actions for me. There is a certain form of action, even in some words. Like trying to work out how to help people.

Overall, I know that love is hard to explain. It's different for everybody, and I try to put it into words. However, it's overall practically impossible. I put down small things I've noticed. Things that I do, that he does, and that overall mean something to me. I won't try to describe the feeling because I've never been able to. I've tried.

Point being, I say what I can find the words for. There's certainly more to it, but this is what I can write/vocalize.

Darrelkun · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Darrelkun** on Tue Mar 22, 2011 5:10 am

You know your man loves you when he offers to make you the sandwich. 8D

Love isn't unconditional. We all have things we can and cannot accept in our partners. That's just how we are as human beings.

For example, I cannot date someone who drinks alcohol, smokes cigarettes, or partakes in illegal drugs. (Pot included for those places where it is legal.) I cannot date someone with tattoos. Nor someone who's an idiot. Love is conditional for me because I cannot look past all boundaries of life in my dating partners.

I love my girlfriend to pieces and she means a lot to me. Even if we fight and are angry with one another, I still love her despite the negative feelings I have.

I don't believe in "Love at first sight". The correct term would be "lust at first sight", as you know nothing about the person and are acting solely on your eyes and chemical attractions. Furthermore, love is something people must build and nourish together. It takes time, patience, communication, honesty, faith, loyalty, and dedication to build a relationship. Removing one of these building blocks can make the entire thing fall apart. This is for all relationships, not just romantic.

Soul mates have to be created with the the rules listed above.

Assassin · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Assassin** on Tue Mar 22, 2011 1:10 pm

I would argue that some people do have unconditional love for others...

Like, for example, when you claim you hate somebody, but you really love them, you just hate the things they do. You try to pretend you don't love them, but you really do. That's unconditional love. Taking a bullet for somebody you love also, that's unconditional love. Dying shortly after a loved one passed away, because you refuse to get re-married. That's unconditional love, and morning doves are a perfect example of unconditional lovers. Most human beings are judgemental, it's just part of human nature, and probably Mother Nature in general. Everyone is picky about their likes and dislikes. But for some people, there is such a thing as unconditional love. It's that "no matter what happens" type of love. It's that "I dont deserve this" type of love. Trust me, it happens. I agree though about what you said concerning love at first sight. And you never wanna fall in love either, cuz when you fall, you get hurt. True love is not an arrangement or an exchangement, it's a law in nature. True love is a harmonious balance that works in mysterious ways like a strange force. I think it goes far beyond appearances, far beyond chemical reactions, far beyond our limited minds.

Fallacy · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Fallacy** on Tue Mar 22, 2011 1:29 pm

Blackbird26 wrote:
I think that if you stop loving someone the moment that person fail your expectations

I'm not saying that you should keep a long list of rules, and you should dump your lover whenever he/she breaks one. However, I think it's simply impossible to have unconditional love for somebody, and not even desirable. Even if they're only subconscious, you have certain conditions that you expect your lover to meet (these are usually a lot higher before you get into an actual relationship). That doesn't necessarily mean you'll break up with them if they fail to meet an expectation of yours, but it could be warranted, and you'll probably have less love for them.

then you simply never loved or even knew that person to begin with.

That seems like a No True Scotsman fallacy to me. People break up with people all the time because they fail to meet their expectations. If you had a wife/husband, and he/she repeatedly cheated on you over a long period of time even after confrontation, wouldn't the best thing to do probably divorce them?

And I do believe that love can be unconditional in the sense that the feeling doesn't simply go away simply because you want it to.

Love is largely a subconscious emotion that we have little control of. That does not mean it's unconditional, though.

The moment someone wrongs you and it hurts you deep it's because you love that person in the first place, otherwise it wouldn't hurt as much. Hate and disappointment may come later eventually for one reason or another but it doesn't mean that the love isn't there. It just means it's not enough to maintain a relationship.

I agree.

Therefore, a relationship does not depend exclusively on love, and the fact that relationships are conditional doesn't mean love is.

It doesn't necessarily, but I still think it is.

Fallacy · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Fallacy** on Tue Mar 22, 2011 1:35 pm

RedHeadBass15 wrote:Love is patient, love is kind(love means slowly losing your mind), it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of how many times it has been wronged, love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preservers
I love that bible verse, I really do. It took me almost two weeks to discover why he wanted me to read it.

Love does not have to be indefinite to be true love.

A point I want to make is that love can seem unconditional at times, but I think there are always conditions in use.

Blackbird26 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Blackbird26** on Tue Mar 22, 2011 2:21 pm

Epic: Sorry I'm just too lazy to be quoting everything you say... So hopefully the context here will be understood.

What I meant with the "you never knew or loved that person to being with" is that if you enter a relationship full of expectations and give up on that relationship in the first moment they are not met, well... You're gonna die alone. People are never what you expect of them. Period. So you did not love that person enough to give him/her a chance or did not know the person well enough to begin with, to the point where everything you knew and "loved" about that person was simply the image you created in your head. That is what I meant.

And nevertheless, I continue to say that love, to me, is unconditional. Maybe not to the rest of the world, but that's just their problem. *shrugs*

Assassin: Just for the record, I did understand that you don't actually hit your girlfriend. And if she is reading this: No, I don't really think she's stupid. Just making things clear for everyone. XD

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