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looking for some feedback

a topic in The Writer's Lounge, a part of the RPG forum.

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A place for original short stories, fanfiction, essays, and the like.

looking for some feedback

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby tombsofmars on Tue Dec 13, 2011 7:21 am

Looking for some feedback on this new serialized science fiction / fantasy project. Can anybody help me out?

http://tombsofmars.wordpress.com/

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tombsofmars
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Re: looking for some feedback

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby XavierDantius32 on Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:26 pm

Honestly, there isn't enough there for me to make a proper judgement on what you've written, but I like the concept. Perhaps make the segments a little longer. Maybe 1000-1500 words a time. Then you can advance the plot, and make your writing more interesting.

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Re: looking for some feedback

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Kuril on Tue Dec 13, 2011 1:25 pm

You've painted a good picture here. The environment is good, all you need now is a story that fits in it.

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Re: looking for some feedback

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby RogueMinstrel on Mon Jan 23, 2012 10:10 pm

This looks really great. You're writing style is very readable and simplistic which is not necessarily a bad thing. The only thing I would suggest is more, more detail. I do not feel like I know enough yet to lose myself in the story. Obviously, though you are not near done yet so this is probably not worth mentioning.

Anyways, keep it up! You're off to an awesome start!

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