Needs some help and some tips.

Hello everyone. I'll start out with an introduction of myself. I'm 18 years old and am still in high school. I like to read and write alot during my free time and have come to consider my self at least a decent write, but would never claim that I'm the best or anywhere near that. I notice that I have some things I need to improve on in my writing and maybe you can help me. I'd be very grateful. One thing I've noticed is that I have trouble giving vivid descriptions on things. I can come up with a story line and am fairly good at dialogue, but I have trouble describing surroundings. Here is the links to a story I've been working on so maybe you could give me some pointers. I hope its not too bad.

Link 1: http://www.quizilla.com/stories/7676932 ... -beginning

Link 2: http://www.quizilla.com/stories/7820963 ... le-reunion

Like you, I also like to read and write and also wouldn't claim to be an expert in writing, but I'll try to give you a few tips.

I noticed from the links you posted that you tend to write in first person. I think describing something from your character's point of view would be a great and fun starting point. In fact, it wouldn't be much different from roleplaying, if you know and developed your character well enough.

For instance, in your story, "A Knight's Tale - The Beginning":

I woke up next to a small pond in a field I'd never seen before with a beautiful girl standing over me. She was of average hieght with long auburn hair and sparkling green eyes. She wore glistening white dress and her face had an innocent smile.

You could start with what your character would notice first. The way your character describes things implicitly says a lot about your character. You don't always have to start with whatever color or eyes the character has; it's better to start with something like a character quirk, which would make the character much more memorable.

Like, since Raven Curow just woke up, he would probably notice the girl's white dress, then her smile, then her auburn hair, then eyes, then height. For instance, you could use her surprise appearance and tie it in with the haziness of waking up: "A glancing pain shot through my eyes as they struggled to take in the glistening white. For a moment a surge panic rose in me as I labored to understand where I was. Half expecting the chill of snow, I was surprised that my hands touched crisp white linen, a girl's dress. A long auburn tress fell into my view and my eyes raced along it, to take in the girl's countenance, her sparkling green eyes, an innocent smile, her shining hair. Was she simply a mirage or a delusion? She reached out to take my face in her palms, but I grasped at them in mid air just to feel if her flesh was indeed flesh and not the ethereal spinnings of a mad man."

You can have fun describing places and environments too, and use them to evoke a certain mood and develop your character.

For instance you wrote:

She pulled my arm and dragged me through the gate into town. It was a large city with alot of tall building made from stone. All sorts of people passed through the streets aswalked on, going about their daily bussiness. She pulled me along the alleyways and through markets and squares for what seemed like forever until we came to rest before a large house.

As someone recovering from amnesia, I would think that a busy town would be extremely overwhelming. Describe town life in little flashes, and it will make the world you're describing come alive. "She pulled my arm and dragged me through the gate into town. I was assaulted by sights, sounds, and smells. The bright midday sun streamed through the tall spires of stone buildings making me squint. 'Get out of the way, ya little blight!' I narrowly missed an oncoming chariot as it rattled by, its wares clanking and its horses neighing. The bright colors of fruit made me realize how hungry I was, and I almost stopped the girl to buy an apple. 'Fish! Get yer fresh fish! Please yer mammy or yer wifey with fresh fish!' harked a brawny fisherman. People rushed, walked, jostled by going about their daily businesses. My gaze skipped from bright doublet to fancy hat to painted face like a stone skipping across a pond. She pulled me along the alleyways and through the markets and squares for what seemed like an eternal rush of incredible sights, startling sounds, and exotic aromas."

Even though my prose uses different sentence structures and word choices from you, I change up my grammar and vocabulary to evoke a certain mood. The long, almost run-on sentences evoke the rush of sensory activity one gets when one is startled upon waking up. Take your time to notice how YOU would feel when someone surprises you when you wake up and transfer that knowledge to your story-writing.

Also, I gathered that your story takes place in medieval times, so you must be extra careful to not use modern colloquialisms like "mom," or "don't let it get you down," or "pulled a switch job," or "hey," otherwise they take the reader out of the story. Don't be afraid to make up your own words and slang. This will help subtly develop your world without using description, per se.

And some last tips: Don't try to force description into your story, because as for now I think the stories you posted move at a good pace. For the most part, description is a good way to set a tone or mood for your story. I personally think it's more clever and subtle to establish tone and mood through character dialogue, but nevertheless, when you write description, use adjectives, sentence structures, grammar, that coincide with the tone you want to portray at that moment in your story.

Good luck, and I hope that helped!