Neuromania (just a 'little'world I have going on up there)

~So this is something that I've been writing (and its still ongoing).
Its not reached the 30 page stage yet, but for my own work, its fairly good, I think.
Any advice/reviews of what's there so far would be greatly appreciated ^_^ ~


The dial tone finally subsided and in front of the girl was a figure.
"Good afternoon. You have reached the Holographic relative voicemail service. The recently deceased you are trying to contact is not available at the present moment, try again later." The HRV had been down some time and the girl shook her head, turning away. Her hair was in bunches either side of her head, adding an unnerving sense of innocence about her. Again.
"Good afternoon. You have reached the Holographic relative voicemail service. The recently deceased you are trying to contact is not available at the present moment, try again later."
Finally, the girl turned and he became trapped by the white eyes and angelic face. A mix of terror and love gripped hold of him and the demon enveloped him in itself.

I woke up in a silent scream. You know those ones where you pretty much wake up and your sat bolt upright and your throat hurts? Yeah. That’s what I mean when I say a silent scream. Every night, for the past week or three, I’ve had the same nightmare. A little girl trying to ring her dead parents. It was common on the HRV that those you try to phone, just to say goodbye, are unavailable. Little kids believe that it’s actually the dead that they are talking to. Instead, it’s a video recording that was taken at the ‘Perfect age’. Usually, this was about thirty. By this point, everyone had to be married. Most hope to find love, but end up with one of those sleazy men who can’t find anyone else. It was a damned shame, but that’s how life works in this damned world.
The first day that the nightmares started, I’d killed my first vampire. I mean, it wasn’t as if it hadn’t been expected. After the apocalypse, we learnt that anything could happen. Zombies were just the start of it. We’d had zombies, different strains of zombies… Then came the wolves, I should say lycans, they hate it when we call them wolfs. They weren’t to bad. There’s always the odd one going crazy, but the lycans were normally a pretty nice bunch of people.

“Fucking hunter.” The vampire snarled at me as we circled. My helmet (Serving both for protection and status) extended down to cover the most vulnerable part of my neck. My arms were covered and leather gloves covered my hands and wrists, with extra padding. Slung over my back was your bog standard Oxfords, large rifle like guns with oh so much ammo. In one hand, I had the ‘old fashioned’ Semi-automatic pistols (my weapon of choice when it comes to such a battle) and a short blade. The vampire was armed with hunger. I wasn’t sure how I could win against such a raw need. I’d heard the hunger that a vampire feels is more painful than childbirth if left too long. Its like how people say something like “People do crazy things for love”. Vampires would do anything to feed. Killing a man was not enough. As a clan, they would be prepared for more than world domination to satisfy the ever growing hunger that the average ‘pire would have the everlasting need. It was something that my fairly new to the world mind could not begin to fathom.

We circled around each other, the ‘pire crouching down a little further every so often to intimidate, though failing. He was impressive, but young. Cared too much about the hunger. Had it been an elder, I wouldn’t have survived even this. Tradition was useless here. In this case, it was life or death. Fight or flight. We had no choice but to put our instincts into action here, and though it was so much more developed with his senses, mine weren’t too bad. It lunged. I dived. It growled. I sighed. My hand flew out, blade flickering in the artificial light in the studio and made contact. Pretty good contact, if I do say so myself. It slit neatly through the creatures stomach, and its pale features sank and became even paler as its lifeblood seeped out through the deep gash that had been made. “Tell her…” It muttered. “Tell her I’m sorry…” This was the bit I hated. I pressed The Duke to his forehead.
“May those above forgive this creature for his actions, and myself mine.” I muttered, closing my eyes. I couldn’t bear to see the creatures eyes become human once more. “Sleep well.” I finished. My finger tensed against the trigger, and I put the man out of his misery.

I ran, faster than you could imagine for a young, armour clad man. My hands were soaked and i shut down my memory. I fumbled as I ran, lifting the neck protection and putting down the shades on my helmet. The Duke was worse off than I, caked both in flesh and blood. I shook as I ran on weak legs. It was almost as if an earthquake was raking through my body, on a small standard. It still meant i had to focus on my footing. The 'pires Last words were still running through my mind, and more than that, its humanity at the end. It was that which scared me more than anything.

"Good morning little one" A mans voice came through the HRV. The girl jumped slightly, turned and giggled. Her mouth moved in the shape of "Hiya papa", though no sound was emitted. Her hands lifted to her throat and she attempted to make a sound, however strained or hollow it would be. A squeak came out from her mouth and she curled up. "No worries little one." the man’s voice had the hint of a chuckle and a smile. "You just know I'm safe. Don't you worry about me." The girl shook her head and smiled slightly. The hologram opened up its iron clad arms and went to hug the girl, but passed straight through, mouth wide and face concealed, exept for the fangs hanging out his mouth and blood trailing down his mouth.


“Where is your pack, Lycan?” A voice roared from inside the council chamber. The wolf whimpered a reply, inaudible to those stood outside of the room.
“Say it again.”
“We fought. We lost. They sacrificed themselves, sire.”
“And you?”
“I was sent to raise the warning...”
“You ran like a coward. Your just a pup really.”
“But sire... Theres something beyond our forest, beyond the edges of the la-“
“You dare return to my castle after a failed battle with news of a dead battalion and no clue what killed your pack? Fenrir Livingston, I hereby banish you,”
“But sire!”
“to the outskirts of Neuromania, to feast on which you grow. You are not permitted to hunt. The cattle belongs to the land you are not a part of.”
“Sire, please!” The wolf started to plead pitifully. “I’ll die out there...”
“and you shall serve as a warning for those of your kind within this land. Take this beast away.” The wolf screamed. My hand automatically gripped the hilt of The Duke, ready for battle. “Next!”
I entered the room. Fenrir was just being removed from the hall and I overheard the guard. “Be thankful, thats a light sentence for your kind. You could have been stripped of your fur.” The tailess guard sighed and pulled him out the room.
“Sir.” I muttered, bowing deeply, head raised and helmet under my arm. The previously raging lord turned and looked at me.
“Hunter, what news to you bring to the court this day?”
“The young ‘pire is slain.”
“Good.” The portly lord smiled slightly. “I have another job for you, young one.” My back straightened and my eyebrows raised slightly. Another job? My head raised slightly more. “A scouting mission.” My heart sank.
“The one the wolfs have just returned from, sire?”
“The wolf. Yes.”
“Thats, with no offence to you, my lord, a suicide mission.”
“You will have a team.”
“It doesn’t matter. None of us will return.” I took a better look at the man stood infront of me and shook my head. When was the last time he ever fought in a battle? I doubt he’s even seen a ‘pire in its day. I sighed and looked away from my diamyo. He didn’t seem to understand the game he’s playing. Every hunter knew that to fight a ‘pire within the creatures first week of being turned is crazy. To go into uncharted parts of the land was like fighting a pack of ‘pire elders single handed. I was in no position to do that.
“You must do this young one. Your team are waiting for you. Guards!” The portly man shouted, and my hand once again tightened on The Duke, before relaxing again as soon as I could override that. “Take him to the shower house, then the coffee rooms.” He cast his eye over me. “We can’t have you leading a team smelling like that.” He chuckled and I put my helmet back on in resignation. There was no choice anymore. It was go, or be put in the chamber for cowardice.

I followed the guards through the castle, out into the gardens and into a room. I’m told to remove the armour. I shake my head. “I know the way from here. You need not take me any further.” The guard nodded slightly and let me be. I started to walk in the direction of the shower house, though moved briefly out the gates and into the village outskirts. I had a friend out there. It wasn’t too much of a walk either, to get to her place. I knew I was welcome there, and the team could wait. The familiar sounds of the village brought a smile to my face and I let myself become submerged in it. I felt, for a few moments, like a commoner again.
“D!” I rapped my knuckles against the door. “C’mon, lemmie in!” I leant against the side of the door and waited. It was a good few moments before I knocked again. Without any answer. Both times. I moved back, looking up on what could be described in one of those typical human houses, small, cosy... It was a nice pad, you had to admit. I checked in the windows, looking for any signs of life. She’d not left the house, the keys were visible. Either she was expecting me (always a possibility), or something was wrong. Either way, I didn’t really have a choice. I walked around the back of the house, hitting a button on the arm of my armour, letting it fold up into a small gold band around my wrist. On reaching the kitchen window, I looked up and spotted the only... Only open window in the house. That was the clue. Something was wrong. I scanned the wall for small cracks, maybe something to grip that wasn’t a plant. Contrary to popular belief, vines are not that easy to climb. I stood on the windowsill ledge and jumped, grabbing the first pipe or solid thing that came in contact with my hand. My feet scrambled for a second to find something solid, before my shins bashed onto another ledge. I winced, before setting myself down there. I glanced to the side. I was slightly to far to the right to get there easily. I let myself hand down once again and slid over to where it was possible for me to clamber into the house. My grace had left me. I had to know what had happened to D, and if that meant breaking in, I would break in. It depended on the course of action I had to take.
I grabbed onto the ledge, face red as I pulled myself up and into the room. I tumbled down into the bath and cursed silently at the racket I had made. I scrambled up, watching the door as I did so. Footsteps. I froze, stood up in the tub. My hand moved down to the Duke, gaze fixated on the door. “Hello?” D called. I relaxed slightly, moving out of the bath tub, drawing the Duke out of its holster. After the mission I was told to go on, I’d already become overly weary. Though, the familiar smell of her perfume filled my nose and I opened the door.
“D.” I smiled.
“What the heck are you doing here?!” I sighed, opening my mouth to speak. “I was about to psych out on you!”
“I needed a shower.” I muttered, “I have a new mission...” She sighed and moved up to me.
“Yeah, you need a shower.” She laughed softly. Taking a good look at me, she shook her head then wrapped her arms around me. “Something’s wrong.” She looked me in the eye. “What is it.”
“The diamyo is sending me to the uncharted lands.” I said gently. “With a team. I doubt I’ll be coming back.” She sighed and shook her head, looking about.
“Don’t worry about it.” Her gaze fixed back on me. “You’ll come back. Shower. Meet your team. I doubt you’ll be liked much if you turn up late.” I sighed and nodded, hugging her quickly, then ushered her out of the bathroom.

I like it. The tone is consistent, and you seem to have a solid sense of pacing. The thing I noticed the most though, and it might not really be TOO bad, was the lack of area details. Sort of just nags me a little bit. I don't mean you need to add another five paragraphs describing how pretty the garden in the castle is or anything, but I think you might wanna throw in a handful of extra details as they fit.

Other than that, it seems pretty interesting. I'll have to keep an eye on any updates you make :D