Christopher and I walk for a while him holding my hand occasionally stoping to make out eventually we reach this cute little cottage.
"This use to belong to my dad before he gave it to me"he says fiddling in his pockets for somthing he pulles out a key and puts it in the door. Its the most beautiful thing ive ever seen white window frames lined with flowers of some kind. But the bed white red and black with clear cloth hanging over the top covering the sides he pulles me in.
"Do you need anything?" He asked
"A shower would be nice" I answer honestly im not quite sure why but i just felt dirty and cold
After a while i finish my shower i see Christopher sitting on the bed resting it was a long walk i walk over to the window i dont know what im doing here Christopher comes up behind me and puts his arms around me and kisses my forehead i turn around and kiss him he pulls me over to the bed he lowers me down slowly pressing his body on top of mine i feel his hands pull the straps of my top down his hands cupping my breasts i pull his top over his head his skin pressed against mine i think at one point we snapped one of the posts on the side of the bed but Christopher didnt seem to care afterwards he collapsed on the side of the bed both of us gadping for breath.
In the morning i get up to feel my leg aking
"Oww" i say i look down my leg is bruised
Christopher looks up
"Did i do that?" He asks but he doesnt sound apoplectic he sounds happy i give him a cheeky smile and lie back down my hand around his bare chest he kisses my cheek
"Love you Savannah"he says

Christopher

---

Well...
That happened.
Holy shit that actually happened.
Holy mother of fucking god I stole Savannah's virginity!
What the fuck am I going to say to Izzy and Simon?!
"Sorry I took your daughter's virginity, it wont happen again" ?!
By the fucking angel Christopher what have you done?

She's asleep beside me, exhausted probably. I can see the bruise on her leg - how the hell did I manage that? Her arms are draped across my bare chest and her head is nuzzled into the space between my shoulder and jaw. She is so beautiful. But I can't... I can't commit to all this - all these feelings I'm having. It makes my head spin and ache like there's a fire in my mind. It makes me want to scream and tear my heart open. It's like being ripped apart from the inside out.
But at the same time, it's like being whole. It's like having part of you that was once missing become full again.
But it's so much pressure.
Pressure not to hurt her. Not to let her down. Not to do the wrong thing.
But am I already doing the wrong thing?

My head starts to throb.

I need to get out.

I slowly slip out of the bed, gently moving Savannah's arms off me. She sighs slightly and curls up. I grab my jeans and put them back on. I turn to look at her and I notice that one of the bed posts have snapped. What the hell did we do last night? I run my hands through my hair and grab my shirt. It's kinds nice to be wearing clothes again.
I never wanted to fall in love. I never wanted any of this. But it seems inevitable. Like a moving train hurdling towards me on an unstoppable course.
Impossible to avoid but you don't want it to hit you.
And when it does it's the most painful thing you could ever imagine but the most exhilarating as well. I don't know what I want anymore.

The pain in my head is getting worse.

I look at Savannah one last time before I step out of the cottage and into the fresh air. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. If I leave her here would that be wrong? The others are probably wondering where we are. Maybe even having suspicions. I know I should go, forget this whole thing. treat it like a one night stand and never see her again but part of me doesn't want to go.
It wants to stay and hold her close and never let go.

She doesn't deserve to deal with someone with trapped emotions like this. She shouldn't have to deal with that.
She deserves better than me.

Christopher

---

I start to leave but something pulls me back. I glance back at the cottage. I know she'd still asleep in there.
I creep back in and kiss her gently on the forehead, she smiles and mumbles something unrecognisable. I leave as quickly and quietly as I can. The clouds have started to come over again and the sky darkened. Almost like it was saying I was doing something bad but I couldn't deal with all this.
I take off in a sprint across the path and through the trees, who knows where I'm going. I don't even know. I run and run until my lungs feel like they are going to explode and my heart might jump out of my chest. I'm so far away from the cottage now that I can see the towers of the city through the trees-I hope Savannah finds her way back.
I slide down against a tree and let my emotions take over. I scream and cry and slam my fists into the ground until the skin is raw and they start to bleed. I don't bother with an iratze, the pain is welcome.

Someone once told me that people don't cry because they're weak but because they've been strong for too long.
I didn't believe them.
I do now.

Scorpio

Turns out it was just a dream. I woke up and chucked on my hoodie. It was quite cold outside. I walked through the empty hallways with the occasional squeak of the floorboard. With that I tread quietly and head outside where I try find a bench to sit down. Turns out that it had decided to rain so I chucked the hoodie over my head. I found a bench and sat down. I was sitting there for a few minutes when I heard some shuffling coming from the tree right next to me. I move the branches around the tree and I see a red head and then he jumps out. I move back on the bench. The red head gets up and plops down next to me." What you looking at?" he asks me. With that I turn my head and look the other way." I was just sitting here, thinking to myself when I heard the branches move so I checked" I explain. He looks and says" I was thinking to myself as well" I turn and look at his face. It looked like he was crying and was angry at the same time.. "Really what about?" I ask. We sit there for the next few hours, explaining our stories to each other. " I'm Scorpio. Everyone thinks I'm bad and evil by my name. I'm not though don't worry." I was babbling. " Nice to meet you Scorpio, I'm Christopher. Christopher Herondale"

Christopher

---

I sat with my head turned up at the sky for a few minutes when I heard someone through the trees. I look over to them and a boy was looking back at me. He quickly looks away but I stand up and sit on the bench next to him.
"What are you looking at?" I ask him harshly.
He mumbled something about noises but I'm not really listening. "I was thinking to myself."
I turn to him, "I was thinking to myself too." I say.
He looks at me, "Really? What about?"
I tell him about Savannah, missing out the sex part.
He tells me about himself.
"Nice to meet you Scorpio, I'm Christopher. Christopher Herondale." I shake his hand and we go back to being silent. I look back at the dark clouds and my thoughts drift back to Savannah. I wonder if she's woken up yet? Has she noticed I'm gone? I hope she's not angry.
Maybe I should go back...
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes, I'm going.
No, I can't.
Yes, I feel too bad.
No, don't feel bad, you're not meant to feel anything.
But what if something happens to her?
She's a Shadowhunter she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

Don't let this make you weak, Christopher.
I shouldn't let myself feel anything.

Arrrrgh! This is doing my head in!
I put my head in my hands.
"Hey are you okay?" Scorpio asks.
"I don't know." I whisper.

Scorpio

“Hey you ok?” it was a while since he had spoken. “I don’t know” he answers. I don't know what to say to him. I'm not a very helpful person. " Umm have yo tried talking to her?" I ask im. He shakes his head" The last I saw of her was at the cottage and from what I've heard she hasn't come back yet" I am so confused. Glad my social life is more like a friendless person." well I wish I could be more help". With that I get up and wave bye. I head back inside and I see people. I move along the wall. I creep to my room. I sleep. I can look out the window and I see Christopher just sitting there by himself. What he'd done to Savannah was pretty horrible, I have to say. He should go talk to her himself. I hear footsteps moving around outside and the sounded if they were running. I hear a knock on my door. I open it and I see Isabelle Lightwood. How on earth did she know I live here." Where is she?" She yells at me.