Post #1800278 in Our Second Selves, a roleplay on RPG

The lines between reality and her past life began to blur in her mind, Evande felt like she were slipping away, losing what connected her soul to her body almost. . . . It was a sense of detachment, spreading numbness from the core of her being, slowly eating away at all of her until it reach every bit of her very existence, pulling her away from the world she knew and plunging her into the depths of the very back of her own mind, giving her body over to the control of another. At the very same time however, it wasn’t this. What she felt was strange, while it did indeed feel like she were being pulled from herself, she also felt like she was not, it felt like she were coming under her own control, but as a part of herself she had long forgotten the subsistence of.

Tears did still indeed slip down her cheeks, but the look in her brown eyes was almost vacant, dejectedness still etched itself upon her soft features, yet her eyes almost made her look like a doll. . . . She didn’t understand herself, or what was happening. The things she felt were nothing but contradictions of each other, feeling like she was losing a part of herself yet also experiencing a sensation of being in control? Memories began to cross the threshold in Evande’s mind, recollections from Kassia’s life began to enter her brain, becoming as real and as vivid as everything she knew from the last nineteen years. The information was presented to her bit by bit, slowly. The things the woman had gone through, the pain in her heart at losing Nori. . . . It echoed within Evande’s own knowingness, her own mind.

Through her disorientation, Evande was able to perceive Nikolas’ form moving, though things were a touch out of detail thanks to her lacking glasses, she could still see well enough in the dim room to see her alter getting to his feet, almost falling over. She heard him let out a half-question, looking to the floor as he sighed. He shook his head, and sat himself down next to her. As if her body were reacting on its own, Evande raised her head up and looked at him, though she couldn’t see him as well as she would have liked. A few stray tears still fell from her face, though her sobs had completely ceased. She couldn’t say anything, her brain just felt like it was having trouble figuring out how she should speak, which manner was proper.

When she felt Nikolas’ hand brush her cheek, wiping away the remnants of her tears, Evande tensed up, feeling her heart skip a few beats in her chest without warning at the sudden contact. A sort of hollow feeling began to form in her chest though, a feeling of misery as she felt Kassia’s aching solitude ring through her body. Evande knew she wasn’t alone, yet, she had never once felt this isolated from the world, even with Nikolas right next to her, she felt like she were entirely by herself. Just as Kassia felt for the entirety of her unhappy life.

"Ryu always says pretty ladies shouldn't cry." she heard Nikolas speak, a tinge of what sounded like shame in his voice, ”He's right, but I just wish he'd make it sound more normal, like 'A lady should always be comforted when crying', but when I said this to him, he told me to go back to the Meiji Era." A strange nostalgia hit her right in the heart when he spoke like that, there was familiarity in her soul that didn’t seem the same as what she had in her already when around Nikolas. It felt like it was coming from somewhere else in her than the unnatural source that bore their connections as alters. Perhaps Kassia. . . .

Evande sort of crinkled her nose up in confusion at this, eyes going downcast, her expression easily being able to be mistaken for one of returning sorrow. Everything has become obscure, I don’t understand these things, Kassia’s memories are leaving me but as a bewildered woman. she thought, trying to understand it as her past life slowly began to become clearer to her.

"Evande...?" she felt Nikolas poke her arm. She let out a surprised noise upon hearing her name; at least from him, in the time they had known each other, he had not actually used her name. A look of uncertainty, Evande turned to face him, arms off the kotatsu while Nikolas’ blanket remained around her shoulders. Though she still couldn’t see well, the pink-haired woman did her best to look at her alter. "This... this is just a guess, but did you have a dream about a past life?" he asked, hitting the nail on the head with his very first guess as to what was wrong with her, what had gotten her so very distressed.

Still unable to properly speak up, Evande merely nodded to him, confirming his guess. Kassia’s memories were still affecting her ability to form words and to think as she should have been, only instances allowing her to form coherent thoughts. The ache of aloneness still was gnawing away at her bones, making her feel as if she could break into tears again.

"Cause you know, the living usual have dreams about their past lives, if they have any." Nikolas continued. Evande was able to hear fatigue in his voice still, and how she regretted having woke him up with her crazy sobbing, all of it done over something that had happened so long ago, in life that had since ended. Though, the power it held rang strongly into the present, that was for certain. . . .

Because she could not see well in the dim lighting and without her glasses, Evande didn’t know Nikolas had lolled forward in his seemingly exhausted state until she felt the boy’s weight against herself, his head coming to rest on her right shoulder. At the suddenness of the weight, the otaku let out a gasp of surprise, feeling herself nearly tumble backward before her back tensed up, spine strengthening itself enough to provide support for the woman and her alter’s dead weighted upper half that had fallen upon her. The grip Kassia’s memories had upon her broke for the moment as shock overtook her, as she tried to understand the fact that Nikolas was now more or less . . . laying on her. She felt her cheeks flush red, as she moved just her eyes to look at her other self’s head without a word, heart aflutter in her chest as embarrassment began to consume her.

First off, she became embarrassed because she had a guy sort of laying on her, and second . . . well, part of Evande’s mind jumped to a place she didn’t want it to go to as the situation was awkward and Nikolas seemed sort of out of it. To say all that needs to be said, it involved a memory from the lifetime where Ryu had kidnapped Nikolas and sort of forced him into being his lover. The fact Nikolas seemed out of it and disoriented reminded her of the fact that . . . he had been the uke in that lifetime and made her go rather red in the face as she did her very best to shove the memories back down where they belonged. Now was so not the time for her to be thinking about that sort of stuff, whether she was apparently a closet pervert or not! Plus, I do not need to have a nosebleed!

Mortification still grasped at her as she heard Nikolas try to say something, albeit failing rather badly. All he seemed to be able to manage out were but stutters, perhaps he was embarrassed as well, or just so tired he couldn’t think straight. The reason didn’t matter as Nikolas sat himself up rather hurriedly, and Evande blinked. By some miracle, her vision became clear enough for the moment to see her alter almost falling over backward, obviously not feeling well enough to even keep himself sitting up on his own. “Nikolas!” she cried, voice sounding almost strained, like she were trying to keep it quiet.

Face still red with embarrassment, the otaku leaned forward quickly, and latched onto Nikolas’ shirt with both of her hands, pulling him forward with a bit of a grunt, she was really not strong enough to be doing this. . . . An anxious look upon her face, she found herself having moved forward a bit before sitting on the floor again, this time having seated herself upon her legs, as she managed to get Nikolas’ weigh momentum to tip in her favor, so she wasn’t straining herself in trying to keep him from going backward. He must still be very tired. . . . she thought as she let out a breath, wrapping one of her arms around his back, holding onto him as she let his head again rest against her right shoulder. A shiver of embarrassment ran through Evande as her face went red again, how awkward this was. But, she didn’t know what else she could have done, she wasn’t strong enough to lower him to the ground without either falling on him or letting him hit his head. . . .

As fast as it had happened, Evande’s vision went back to being blurry as it had before while she felt her heart pounding away harshly in her chest. She shook a bit with embarrassment, yet did her best to continue supporting herself and Nikolas, keeping the both of them sitting upright. And, she found herself biting at her lower lip a bit, while this situation was rather flustering for her; it felt . . . okay. That sense of nostalgia she had experienced with Kassia’s memories and him earlier came flooding back, along with the aching solitude, the pain of being so alone for so long. . . . Her eyes shut with a slight whimper, and she felt tears rimming them again.

Heart pounding in her chest, Evande felt both awkward, and as if she needed to have someone this physically close to her for the moment, it almost felt like if she didn’t have Nikolas this close to her, he’d either fade away or she would perish from Kassia’s inflicted loneliness. Hearing blood pounding in her ears, Evande trembled again as she moved the hand that was still latching onto her alter’s shirt and gently set it upon the side of his face, not moving it at all as she simply left her hand there, barely even pressing it into his flesh.

Nostalgia flooded her senses, and she whimpered quietly, clutching onto Nikolas tighter with the arm she had around his back, gripping onto his green shirt. It . . . felt like Kassia’s last moments with Nori, something was telling her to hold onto Nikolas as tightly as she could, or else she would lose him, and though she didn’t completely comprehend what she felt. Evande did just that, moving the hand she had placed against his face, and using it to cradle his head against her shoulder as a cold chill set in upon her at the notion of him vanishing. She didn’t want that! “I don’t want you to leave. . . .” she lamented, not knowing if Nikolas was even awake.

Again, tears pricked her eyes and she frowned through her embarrassment, entirely channelling Kassia’s pain as she shut her eyes. “I can’t stand being left alone again,” she murmured, warm tears trickling down her flushed cheeks, “Please, Nikolas, stay with me. . . .” Evande pleaded quietly, her tears falling onto her alter’s face.

☼☼☼☼☼

Kiku was not entirely unconscious as Ryu placed her upon his back after she had nearly collapsed to the ground, the truth was that she had become so weak that her body could no longer support itself, nor could she speak. She was very much awake and aware, just unable to relay that to anyone at all. Her face was flush with fever, and she felt terrible . . . like she needed to sleep, but couldn’t. She could feel Ryu’s strides as he walked, she didn’t know where he was going, but could only assume he was taking her home like anyone would.

This gave her time to think a bit, time to consider what was happening to her now. . . . In the last few days, her life had been flipped upside down, first off she had thought she had imagined the love of her life who turned out to be one of her new neighbours. He enjoyed teasing her excessively, and then she remembered back to last night, when she had first met and questioned him about matters pertaining to the weird things she had caught Nikolas saying after diagnosing Evande with a concussion. How she had acted so horribly to him. . . . Yeah, even Kiku had a consciousness when it came to how she acted if the person mattered enough to her.

How she regarding Evande and Nikolas mattered very little to her, but the fact was that she had been terrible to Ryu when she didn’t realize who he was. . . . I-I always claimed that he was the most important person to me, that he was the guy I loved, yet when he came back into my life, I didn’t even remotely realize who he was beyond a sense of familiarity. she admitted to herself, ashamed.

She had been so mean to him and yet, he still treated her like he had when they were kids, when she had known him before their promise. Teasing her, but doing so in a loving sort of way, in a way that made Kiku not feel so alone. It was playful teasing, silly little antics to get at her, but to remind her that she wasn’t alone. It always made her feel better, happier. I owe him an apology. she sighed quietly as Ryu continued to walk; her body was limp against his. She thought back to the times they spent together as kids, the fun they had, yet she still didn’t understand the whole meaning behind him being her ‘alter’ or ‘second personality.’ She just knew that he was the boy she knew as a child.

As a rush of warm-ish air hit Kiku, she tensed up and realized they were back at the apartment building, heading up the stairs. She felt Ryu adjusting his hold on her as he moved one of his hands away from her. It was kind of quiet, but Kiku heard him knock on a door. Groaning a bit, and shuddering as her body adjusted to the temperature in the hallway, Kiku let out a tiny moan as she sort of pressed herself against Ryu’s back, opening her eyes weakly.

There was no answer from the apartment, no noise, or anything. . . . The door probably wasn’t unlocked, so it made sense for him to knock with her on his back. Yet, after a minute of silence, Kiku moved again, and opened her mouth to try and speak, “M-My apartment . . . left, th-the door unlocked.” She said softly, shaking a bit. “Always leave it-it unlocked. . . .”

Snippet #1800278

located in Japan, a part of Our Second Selves, one of the many universes on RPG.

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