Post #1813465 in Our Second Selves, a roleplay on RPG

He was nervous, tense and apprehensive as she had spoken. And no, she couldn’t tell this simply because she was an expert on reading people . . . Evande could tell Nikolas’ unease because she was half-clinging onto the boy, he had been a bit tense when she mentioned Kassia’s very name. Perhaps he had not remembered that particular lifetime or something, well, that did seem a possibility. When the otaku heard her other self sigh though, in relief, and let himself rest against her again, she knew that he could recall the lifetime, though it seemed he had some difficulty. It would have been okay had he not remembered, all Evande wanted was to just . . . talk. It was enough to just to have him listen, even if she were iffy and nervous on spilling her guts about how she was feeling, about the fact she was scared to even think about going back to living as she had before.

Even saying it to him, to Nikolas, admitting what she knew mentally, in a vocal manner was frightening. She had kept herself alone for the last six years, and even with the dull pain still resonating throughout her body from Kassia’s memories. . . . Suddenly going around and saying that she could no longer live upon her own terms, and without regard to others was not something that totally sat well within the woman’s heart. She had spent a little less than a third of her own life living by her own means, by her own choices, without having to worry about others. . . . Shifting her life so quickly, it was almost a numbing experience. At the same time though, it felt like . . . a good one, it felt like something she needed to do. Scary or not, it felt like it was just . . . just right.

All of this, everything that was happening to her, it was still strange as hell . . . everything was so weird! Nikolas’ existence, him being some other part of her, and herself being some part of him. . . . The fact that she was so quickly okay with latching onto a life with others in it; it really was just bizarre. Given the fact that Evande had always said she just wanted a peaceful life alone, nothing troublesome in it . . . it really was strange. “You’re right.” She said to him quietly, removing her arms from around her alter before he suddenly stood to his feet.

Evande still couldn’t see anything, her glasses remained off for the moment, but she knew she was still blushing from hugging her alter. . . . .whether he was her ‘other self’ or not, someone who was suppose to be a part of her, Nikolas was still a guy, and he was living separately of her at the moment. The fact was, even if hugging him should have been a little bit like hugging herself, the fact that he was a split existence from her was enough to make Evande go red in the face. She didn’t know what embracing him qualified as . . . she just knew it was flustering. Did it sort of qualify as hugging yourself? Or was it on the same level as holding onto another person. . . ? She heard him cheer on about being able to beat any headache, but her face remained red as she lost herself in her own thoughts, Panda still sleeping on her warm lap.

The hold Kassia’s memories had on her was almost fully gone, the pain nearly receded back into the recesses of her mind . . . the recollections of a life long since over falling into line in Evande’s mind, becoming as natural feeling as everything from her own nineteen years. As this happened though, Evande found herself drawn back into thinking as her normal self. Totally mortified of her actions, of the fact she had clung onto Nikolas in such a desperate manner . . . the fact she had allowed memories of a dead person to get the better of her!

While Nikolas wandered off to go make something in the kitchen, Evande let her neck droop down some, casting her eyes to the floor she could not see, bangs covering said eyes. She thought about everything, rapidly going over every aspect of her quickly changing life. This was somewhere her mind had wandered several times in the last day, thinking over the fact that her life had totally transformed into something which could not be reverted into what it was before, the fact that she was actually feeling okay about it all! Why? Why was it she was so quickly able to be contented with that. . . ? That wasn’t normal; a normal person wouldn’t be so calm about rapid change. But, I’m not normal am I? she questioned, a tiny flicker of an ironic smile happening upon her face as a shiver went up her spine. It was chilly.

Nikolas’ blanket was still around her shoulders, and it was keeping her back warm enough, but her legs and arms were cold. Her alter’s apartment didn’t have its heat turned on yet, did it?

All of this was so . . . not normal! Not right! She shouldn’t have been okay with this, she shouldn’t have believed so easily that Nikolas was really a missing part of her, no. Evande should have thought that he was either crazy, or that she herself had gone insane. But, no . . . she was comfortable, hours after hearing this information, she was comfortable with it. Questioning, sure, but secure. Despite everything in her life, all that she had turned her existence into, Evande Sterling found herself happy with the prospect of what a not so ordinary future held for her. Even if it was uncertain, and it wasn’t something she could control herself . . . the idea of it was not so scary, simply because she might not be alone anymore.

As she had said, pretending that everything she had gone through in the last two days, never having met Nikolas, trying to return to a normal life, that would be selfish of her to do. And, it was not something of which she was capable anyway. The idea of having to always be alone wasn’t a thought Evande found herself liking, at all. The mere prospect, it sounded unpleasant and the otaku felt like she wanted no part of it again. The reason she was latching onto the idea of what lay ahead of her now so easily, maybe it really as because she had actually been really lonely these last years. Even if she swore she wanted nothing to do with people, maybe inside she really was in pain from being isolated . . . and when she had her guard down, she was liable to attaching to most anyone she felt she could trust like this.

The pink-haired woman sat as she had quietly, her eyes shut while there was an ironic smile on her face, one that just revealed her thoughts regarding the current situation. Yes, she was still embarrassed at herself for clinging onto Nikolas as she had, but she was also fairly content. Completely comfortable in her current state of existence, and positive of her alter’s presence. That meaning, she still found herself feeling like both Nikolas and herself were suppose to be existing as they were now, both alive at once instead of one of them being locked away as someone who only awoke under certain circumstances. I . . . still don’t know the reason he’s here do I? Evande realized, opening her eyes as her face took on a blank expression. Nikolas never told me what happened to change something that has been the same for countless lifetimes.

With this thought in mind, Evande sat herself straight back up, and reach her hand out to feel for her glasses on the kotatsu. Why . . . why was Nikolas here now? Never mind Kassia and Nori. she thought, finally finding her glasses, I think the reason for him actually being here now is more important. Unfolding the metal frame of her spectacles, Evande slid them back onto her face where they belonged; everything before her becoming clear again.

"Hey, Evande, are you okay with normal tea?" Nikolas called to her from the kitchen area. At hearing her name, the otaku turned her head in the direction of his voice and blinked. He was making tea?

Shrugging uncertainly, she simply replied, “Yeah, it’s fine.” In her nineteen years, she had never been much of a tea drinker, but it would be rude to decline tea when it was already being made. Not that tea was the most pressing of issues at the moment. . . . Other things were more important than a hot drink. So . . . how was she going to bring this up? How would she even ask him about that? Sheesh Evande, it’s not like this is as awkward a topic as . . . o-other matters. she told herself, face going stark red as she thought about what the last bit of her chiding meant. Evande physically cringed up in embarrassment as she thought back to what fragments of Nikolas’ life she had recalled that afternoon. From tears to morbid embarrassment in fewer than twenty something minutes, was that a record?

Evande simply found herself sighing in a rather forlorn manner, shutting her eyes. I called myself a pervert earlier, but now, I’m not really sure that’s t-the case. . . . Groaning rather quietly, Evande brought a hand up and placed it upon her forehead, her face went redder though as she was plagued by several instances of the H-rated memories. Evande’s form tensed up at this as she was forced to see things she really, REALLY wished she didn’t have to. I swear, I will NEVER pick up another yaoi manga as long as I live! she mentally swore.

Matters that are more serious were more or less forgotten as Evande was rather consumed by her mortification and embarrassment, while she was not one to normally dwell on matters, embarrassment was something that often got to her, and stuck to her. Seriously, the poor woman was learning things regarding her alter that she did NOT need to know! Damn all that is holy, I don’t need to know these things!! Geez, someone really loved to torment her, didn’t they? Of all the things for her to remember first . . . it had to be something that actually had induced a nosebleed upon her earlier. If these memories did anything to Evande, other than embarrass her and sort of make it hard for her to look at Nikolas, it was the fact that they sort made her feel rather hostile toward Ryu.

There were enough memories of THAT lifetime for Evande to know the circumstances . . . surrounding the whole matter. What Ryu did, kidnapping Nikolas, then. . . . Did anymore have to be said there? The violet-haired man was the cause of every embarrassing H-rated memory Evande now found herself with. Everything there was caused by him. How could she not feel bitter about that? Yeesh, I wonder if Kiku will remember that lifetime from Ryu’s perspective. she thought, feeling a laugh happen up through her. Evande could only imagine the small woman’s reaction to that, and if it would be as bad as what she herself had undergone that day, with the nosebleed and stuff. At least I’m not spontaneously bleeding now. . . .

Letting her hand drop from her forehead, Evande looked back up with an exhale. Should she confess the fact that she knew about . . . that lifetime with Ryu and stuff to Nikolas? The memories were his, not hers, after all. Quietly, the otaku brought her gaze to the blonde who was still tinkering about in the kitchen. Considering the circumstances about the memories, them not being hers . . . it would probably be the right thing to do, telling him that she knew. Thinking this though, Evande found herself wanting to curl up into a ball and not; doing so would be so awkward!

Trying to tell him that she knew that he was a freaking uke would undoubtedly be the most uncomfortable way to begin a conversation in her memory. Of course it would be! How the hell would anyone start that discussion with their alter? It’s not like I can just go, ‘Hey Nikolas, guess what! I know that you’re an uke! Want to know how? I have the memories of your life where you were Ryu’s lover!’ No, I cannot do that.

Shaking her head, the otaku sighed and planted her palm to her face. She would have to bring that topic up later, now was not the time to mention it to Nikolas. When she found her head suddenly soaked with something rather hot, Evande nearly shot up to her feet with a yelp, scaring Panda enough to get the poor kitten to scramble off her lap. She remained sitting though looking up with wide eyes, shocked back to reality. "Sorry, did I spill some on you?" she heard Nikolas laugh, Evande only responding to her alter’s question by staring with her eyes wide.

Her thoughts could not have been more opposite of what they were when he had gotten up, or in a place more different. She had gone from melancholy, and serious about how she could not go back to living on her own, to the H-rated memories in her head, and whether or not she should bring them up.

Even shocked though, Evande made her final choice regarding the matter upon hearing the blonde boy laugh after spilling hot water on her and himself, she wasn’t going to bring it up right then. . . . He was in a good mood now, and talking about such awkward matters could just spoil that. The thoughts about before, questioning why it was the cycle of countless eons had been broken, they didn’t matter so much now. The only thing that was important for the moment, was the fact that things seemed okay. Confusing, weird, and awkward, but . . . okay. Things were good enough that Evande was at ease, at least, enough so that she could push some thoughts and questions back into her mind no matter how strong the urge to speak of them was.

As Nikolas sat down after pouring the tea, she smiled at him, though her face was still a little red. ”Umm, how d'you like your tea?" he asked her, tilting his head to the side in a manner that was somewhat childlike. The tone in his voice no better, yet Evande found it charming, in a way. Evande found herself bringing her hand up to her mouth, giggling a bit with a rather happy look on her face as her initial response.

Clearing her throat though, Evande removed the hand from her still smiling lips and responded properly. “As it is from the pot is perfectly fine.” She answered, taking hold of a cup, making sure to take the one with a less tea in it, the otaku was sure that Nikolas was more apt to drink tea than she. A small smile stayed on the woman’s face as she gripped onto the cup with both of her hands, and pulled it into her lap. “Thank you for being concerned.” Evande looked down at the steaming liquid, “I guess I got really overwhelmed from seeing what I did in Kassia’s memories, but I think I’m fine now, everything from that . . . lifetime is fitting into where it belongs in my brain.”

“I-I’m sorry I woke you up with my crying and all.” she apologized meekly, sipping on the tea a bit.

“All of this, everything that’s happened in the last two days . . . it’s bizarre,” Evande started, looking up at Nikolas seriously, “The efforts of the last six years of my life, not getting attached to others or making friends to try to keep the weird from my life, so everything would be peaceful; it sort of seems like it was all for naught.” The otaku paused, before she returned to smiling, “But, even if it seems like I should be angry or upset about that, I’m not, I'm really not." Evande laughed a bit.

"Actually Nikolas, I think I’m both relieved and happy that all of this happened, sure, I don’t know anything about why things are suddenly different in regard to what you told me, yet I don’t really find myself caring right now.” She set her tea back onto the kotatsu, the cup clinking against the surface of the heater, before she pushed her legs back underneath the thing. Evande gripped onto the edges of the blanket around her shoulders and pulled it together around her front, she needed to be warm. . . . A soft sigh came from the woman's lips as she let herself relax a bit, letting her body loll to the side a bit until she found herself tipping over.
☼☼☼☼☼

Kiku found herself coughing a bit again as she laughed at Ryu’s reaction to her thanking him. Stuttering, following the fact that he had gone red as a beet in embarrassment; no, she had not missed his blush. Seems even when she wasn’t trying, she was more than able to get him all flustered. The little tsundere’s personality had gone ahead and fully flipped over to her ‘dere’ side. She was just feeling too bad to bother acting harsh; it seemed like such a pain to even bother with right now. . . . No, no, this was fine for now. Sighing happily enough as Ryu went off to her kitchen area, Kiku relaxed, letting her body sink into her mattress as she opened up her deep red eyes, smiling just a bit. The brunette just felt rather at ease now, how could she not? Even as sick as she felt, Ryu was there with her.

And I’m still able to get him all uncomfortable. she giggled to herself. Sooner or later, she would return to being as she was before. Prissy and rather off-putting, even to him at times, it was just a part of who she was, it was a part of who she always had been. And Kiku knew this, she knew she would eventually be as herself again . . . and she just hoped that didn’t steer Ryu away from her. Sure, it hadn’t earlier, but anything could happen, and she didn’t want that. It scared her to think she might drive him away with her ways, it never had as children, and it didn’t yesterday, simply, Ryu had treated her as he always had. Nothing had changed, save his hair.

She thought back to her childhood, to when he would see her, when they would be together. Those time were always great, he always was there for her, making her smile and bringing her out of her doldrums, and back into a state of happiness. But she still didn’t understand how it was that everyone around her always pretended that he wasn’t real, regarded her ramblings about him and their promise as childish imaginings. No one ever acknowledged that Ryu was real, no one at all. Obviously he was; he was in her kitchen cooking something for heaven’s sake. Earlier he had said something about himself being another part of her or something, he’d said something weird and majorly confusing. It was something she didn’t understand, so she had disregarded it at the time when she came to understand who he was.

However, that question about what that meant and how it was no one but her remembered him from her childhood was fated to arise again at some point. Not now though, now as a bad time given how tired she was. Even tired, I’m staying awake for now. she thought, forcing herself to sit up so she could take her boots off. She tossed the things to the floor after she did this; her face was flush with color still, and she felt a little dizzy, but she remained sitting up. When Ryu called her name, and said he brought her food, she looked at him and smiled a bit.

"I'll stay here while you eat it, but you seriously have to get some sleep, so I'm leaving after that, okay?" she heard him say, causing her to stop smiling, and regard him with a melancholy look. Well, he wasn’t wrong, she knew that. But still . . . she didn’t want to sleep yet, nor did she want him to leave. He sat down at the foot of her bed, Kiku was able to feel the mattress adjusting his weight. "What am I going to do with you, Kiku Kurosawa...?" he murmured quietly, probably talking more to himself than actually questioning her.

Even still, Kiku scooted herself from her bed, and came to stand on her own two feet rather uncertainly. Honestly, she wasn’t sure if her legs would support her or not after what had happened earlier, but they did, enough strength in them for what she wanted to accomplish at the moment. A small smile over her features, Kiku took the bowl of soup from Ryu and placed it on the desk that was just across from her bed, not far away from it all. She coughed again, weakly, but she continued to carry the same expression on her face as she turned around to face the violet-haired man. “Even if you said I don’t have to thank you, I do.” She told him; moving and dropping herself back down onto the edge of her bed, sitting next to Ryu with as she exhaled.

Staring at her stocking covered feet for a moment, she laughed a little bit without coughing, “I’ll eat in a second, I promise. But first. . . .” she trailed off, looking to him. Kiku simply gave him an honest smile; she figured it was best to act like this while she wasn’t held back by her pride. Without warning, the tiny woman had raised her arms up and wrapped them around Ryu’s middle, and clung onto him. “I’m sorry about acting so terribly yesterday night. . . . Considering the fact that you knew who I was, I should have known who you were, even with the fact you have hair such a bright color that it would make a flower envious now.”

Sighing a bit, she held onto him tighter and set her head against his side. “I kind of think it might suit you now though, even if it is still a little weird. . . .”

Snippet #1813465

located in Japan, a part of Our Second Selves, one of the many universes on RPG.

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