xxxi’ve never loved a darker blue
xxxthan the darkness I have known in you
xxxyou, whose heart would sing of anarchy
xxxyou would laugh so beautifully
Cliff's words hurt more than he wanted to admit. Because he wanted it, he wanted it so bad. He wanted it more than he could put into words. But he couldn't. Being out here had just reminded him of that, of how entirely impractical it all was. How the hell could they just go back to old times? No matter how much they wanted it to be the same, it never would be. Toby was a different person. Cliff was a different person. And Toby's life was completely different. He wouldn't drag Cliff into that. How could he let Cliff in, force him to deal with the cracks, with the person he was at his worst? It wasn't fair. Cliff deserved better, and Toby knew that Cliff would insist that he didn't mind, that he didn't care. But Toby wouldn't, couldn't do that to him.
Then Cliff seemed to realise something and he moved away. Toby looked away, staring at their intertwined hands. He wanted it so much.
"Cliff, I.... I can't. It's not... I want it to be like old times. But I'm not the person I used to be. My life has just... changed so much. I've changed. And I want it to be the same, but it can't be. My life is so different now. We can't just pick up where we left off. I'm sorry." He couldn't bring himself to pull his hand away, even though he knew he should.