If Alex hadnât heard her coming, he may have jumped when Camila touched him, but her the sound of her heels was impossible to miss, and he would know her voice anywhere. When she spoke directly to him, greeting him, he smiled, "Gracias,â His voice was low, almost a purr of appreciation, and he continued to speak as she tilted his head (he never minded her taking charge), "Te ves hermosa hoy." He hadnât seen her yet and wasnât rushing to get a look, either. He didnât even turn to look as she walked away, though he did cast a sideways glance at Phoenix, almost as if to check if he was still there.
The beginning of the meeting was boring enough, just like every speech or update Chief Kaner had ever given. Alex tried to listen closely, but found his mind wandering, mostly with the realisation that enough wasnât being done, and the idea that half the residents of this town may never be prepared for another attack, himself included. Almost all at once, it seemed, the chief finished his update, and Elijah took the podium.
Alex didnât have anything personal against Elijah, but found the vampireâs distaste of Phoenix unsavory. Still, his words pricked at Alexâs ears, and he was right. Alex knew it all too well. The hunters would be back, and if they caught the town off guard again, more would die. Maybe all of them. They knew what they were up against now, no doubt the hunters would come more prepared next time. The speech was meant to be inspiring, and it probably was, but Alex didnât hear much of it past the ringing in his ears. He took in a few snippets, though. He needed to get it together, and fast.
Suddenly Alex felt like his head was swimming, and he felt like he was going to cry- or die. He didnât know for sure. Coming to this meeting had been a mistake. He thought getting out might be good for him, he wanted to know what was happening, how he could help, but he obviously wasnât ready for this. He needed some space, some air. A moment to think. Maybe he should go home.
He stood up, fairly abruptly, scooting his chair back behind him. The sudden movement and noise was slightly startling to the people around him; though most of them thought nothing of it when they saw who it was suddenly jumping up out of his chair. Alex had a long history of being impulsive and jumpy, and given his recent experiences, no one in town could really blame him for being more on edge than usual. Everyone knew what had happened, after all; news travels fast in a small town, and everyone was a little worried of what Alex would do if he never mentally recovered from the attack. Or, now, what he may not be able to do.
Without apologising or saying a word to Phoenix, he turned and all but ran out the doors, desperately hoping that no one would follow him. He just needed a minute, needed to clear his head, then he could go back inside. Or maybe he needed to go home. He had a cigarette lit (no small task, thanks to his hands that wouldnât stop shaking) almost the moment he walked through the doors; heâd never smoked consistently, it was always a crutch in times of stress, and heâd quit âfor goodâ nearly two years ago. Lately he had found old habits creeping back in, settling in as if theyâd never left. As if he hadnât spent the last two years of his life playing catch-up, trying to grow up and become an adult.
Out in the cold air, he swore he could hear voices carried on the wind, calling out his name. As if to beckon him forward into the darkness, to his end. Calling him home. He knew that the spirits wanted him back, theyâd nearly had him once before, and if he didnât get a grip soon they might just catch up to him, after all. He didnât slow down for a moment, having decided to just go home. He come to the meeting, heâd tried. He couldnât do it. He needed to calm down, then he could figure out how he could help. He could do something.
Phoenix knew this meeting was important, but he found himself struggling to concentrate on anything anyone was saying. Even as Elijah stood up to give a grandiose speech, possibly meant to inspire them all to stand up and fight, he instead found himself watching Alex out of the corner of his eye. Coming here might have been a mistake. Maybe they should have just stayed in Abuelaâs, or gone back to Phoenixâs instead and drank tea and talked shit for a while. This had been a bad idea, and the guilt of getting Alex to come was beginning to settle in to his stomach.
And then, suddenly, Alex shoved himself to his feet and practically ran out of the hall without a word. A few people around them turned to look, and Phoenix instinctively shot them an apologetic half-smile as he got to his feet and silently pushed their chairs back into place. A distraction arrived in the form of Travis standing up to make a speech, just in time for Phoenix to follow Alex out, his heart in his chest. Things had been worse than heâd imagined. This had been a mistake. They shouldnât have come.
âAlex,â he called, but Alex didnât turn or otherwise respond. Phoenix strode after him, catching up easily, just like he always did, just like he always had, even when they were kids. âAlex,â he called again as he got closer, but Alex was lost in his thoughts. So Phoenix reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop as he reached him. âAlex. Itâs okay, youâre okay, youâre safe. Come on. Talk to me. Whatâs wrong?â He asked, stepping as close as he dared and lowering his voice to speak softly, keeping his hand on Alexâs arm.
Alex felt his chest tighten, and panic flared back up in his mind. It was just Phoenix, and rationally he understood that, but he was already on edge, and Phoenix grabbing his arm like that, it just set him off. He froze, only for a moment, as if his brain just couldnât fully process what was happening. He felt frustration rise in his chest; he was frustrated that he couldnât handle the meeting, that Phoenix had followed him out, but mostly he felt himself growing increasingly frustrated by his own panic and fear. He felt like his life was falling apart, and that he was just getting in the way everywhere he went. He felt the panic and frustration meld into a frantic sort of anger, not unlike a wounded, cornered animal. He flinched away from Phoenix, ripping his arm away from his friendâs touch, and turned to face him, âDonât touch me.â He spat, voice dripping with venom. He hadnât meant to snap at Phoenix, but he didnât stop there. âYou wanna know whatâs wrong?â He lowered his voice, but nothing in his tone was soft. Heâd never spoken particularly harshly to Phoenix, not even when theyâd disagreed. There had always been some sort of affection, or humor, to cut the sting of his words. He didnât try to keep the anger out of his voice this time.
âI have been there for you through everything. Every pain, every heartbreak, every stupid decision. Even when I was hurting, or lost, or⊠Whatever. I have always dropped everything to be there for you.â He held up a finger, as if daring Phoenix not to say a word, âI⊠I practically died, Phoenix! I was alone, and you left me there. All for what? Some asshole who left you heartbroken the next day!â He shook his head, he knew he should stop, but his heart was pounding in his chest, his ears were ringing, and he felt completely out of control, âAnd youâd known him, what? Two weeks?â He scoffed, âAnd now look at you. Now youâre⊠Youâre blond now? Trying to look like him?â Alex rolled his eyes, his tone wouldâve been condescending if he didnât sound so furious, âWhat a pathetic attempt to hold onto someone that didnât even care about you enough to say a proper goodbye.â
Alex shrugged and took a step backwards, as if he suddenly couldnât stand to be so close to Phoenix, âI really hope it was all worth it. I certainly learned a very valuable lesson about what kind of person I should be putting my trust in.â
Phoenix stumbled back the moment Alex pulled his arm away, realising that heâd made a mistake. And then Alex started speaking, and Phoenix just stared at him in confusion. Heâd never heard Alex speak to⊠anyone like that. It felt like he was listening to somebody else in Alexâs body.
Phoenix wanted to comfort Alex. He wanted to ignore everything he was saying and drag him home, make him hot chocolate, and tell him to sleep it off and heâd feel better in the morning. He wanted this to be something they could move past. But every word felt like a kick to the chest. And what hurt the most? It was true. It would have been easier to dismiss it if it had been empty, if it had been just delusions. But it explained so much. It explained the distance that Phoenix had started to feel ever since the attack. It drove home the guilt that Phoenix had felt for weeks now as well as the heartbreak of being abandoned again. That look of disgust as Alex stepped away from him felt like somebody had driven a knife between his ribs and there was a moment where he felt like he couldnât breathe.
âYou ungrateful asshole,â Phoenix choked out, not realising he was crying until the tears were streaming down his cheeks. âAre you forgetting all the times I fucking talked you down after a nightmare? I let you pass out on my couch because you got too drunk? Pulled you away when somebody was about to kick your face in because you flirted with somebody you shouldnât have?â He was yelling now, and he wasnât going to be able to control it. It was a defense mechanism, kicking in so nobody would see the pain and the hurt. âI make one mistake, one mistake I have regretted ever since, and Iâm the monster?â He could feel a familiar tug somewhere in the back of his mind, the tug that meant he was losing control of his abilities. He couldnât let that happen, not here. He needed to get out of here, needed to go. He ripped the flower crown from his head and hurled it at Alex. âGo fuck yourself, Alex.â He turned and stormed away, the tears still streaming down his face.
Phoenixâs words didnât hurt. They were true, and Alex hadnât forgotten any of it, he just didnât care. The things Phoenix had done right in the past just couldnât erase the pain and betrayal he felt. He let the flower crown hit him, not caring enough to move or even try to stop it, and when Phoenix turned to leave found himself calling out, âWeâre all monsters, Phoenix! But youâre a fucking coward!â The words left his mouth before heâd even stopped to consider what he was saying, just like everything else heâd said that night. He found himself beginning to tremble; so he turned, and started walking home. This was the last place he wanted to be. If Phoenix was a coward, Alex didnât know what that made him.
The beginning of the meeting was boring enough, just like every speech or update Chief Kaner had ever given. Alex tried to listen closely, but found his mind wandering, mostly with the realisation that enough wasnât being done, and the idea that half the residents of this town may never be prepared for another attack, himself included. Almost all at once, it seemed, the chief finished his update, and Elijah took the podium.
Alex didnât have anything personal against Elijah, but found the vampireâs distaste of Phoenix unsavory. Still, his words pricked at Alexâs ears, and he was right. Alex knew it all too well. The hunters would be back, and if they caught the town off guard again, more would die. Maybe all of them. They knew what they were up against now, no doubt the hunters would come more prepared next time. The speech was meant to be inspiring, and it probably was, but Alex didnât hear much of it past the ringing in his ears. He took in a few snippets, though. He needed to get it together, and fast.
Suddenly Alex felt like his head was swimming, and he felt like he was going to cry- or die. He didnât know for sure. Coming to this meeting had been a mistake. He thought getting out might be good for him, he wanted to know what was happening, how he could help, but he obviously wasnât ready for this. He needed some space, some air. A moment to think. Maybe he should go home.
He stood up, fairly abruptly, scooting his chair back behind him. The sudden movement and noise was slightly startling to the people around him; though most of them thought nothing of it when they saw who it was suddenly jumping up out of his chair. Alex had a long history of being impulsive and jumpy, and given his recent experiences, no one in town could really blame him for being more on edge than usual. Everyone knew what had happened, after all; news travels fast in a small town, and everyone was a little worried of what Alex would do if he never mentally recovered from the attack. Or, now, what he may not be able to do.
Without apologising or saying a word to Phoenix, he turned and all but ran out the doors, desperately hoping that no one would follow him. He just needed a minute, needed to clear his head, then he could go back inside. Or maybe he needed to go home. He had a cigarette lit (no small task, thanks to his hands that wouldnât stop shaking) almost the moment he walked through the doors; heâd never smoked consistently, it was always a crutch in times of stress, and heâd quit âfor goodâ nearly two years ago. Lately he had found old habits creeping back in, settling in as if theyâd never left. As if he hadnât spent the last two years of his life playing catch-up, trying to grow up and become an adult.
Out in the cold air, he swore he could hear voices carried on the wind, calling out his name. As if to beckon him forward into the darkness, to his end. Calling him home. He knew that the spirits wanted him back, theyâd nearly had him once before, and if he didnât get a grip soon they might just catch up to him, after all. He didnât slow down for a moment, having decided to just go home. He come to the meeting, heâd tried. He couldnât do it. He needed to calm down, then he could figure out how he could help. He could do something.
Phoenix knew this meeting was important, but he found himself struggling to concentrate on anything anyone was saying. Even as Elijah stood up to give a grandiose speech, possibly meant to inspire them all to stand up and fight, he instead found himself watching Alex out of the corner of his eye. Coming here might have been a mistake. Maybe they should have just stayed in Abuelaâs, or gone back to Phoenixâs instead and drank tea and talked shit for a while. This had been a bad idea, and the guilt of getting Alex to come was beginning to settle in to his stomach.
And then, suddenly, Alex shoved himself to his feet and practically ran out of the hall without a word. A few people around them turned to look, and Phoenix instinctively shot them an apologetic half-smile as he got to his feet and silently pushed their chairs back into place. A distraction arrived in the form of Travis standing up to make a speech, just in time for Phoenix to follow Alex out, his heart in his chest. Things had been worse than heâd imagined. This had been a mistake. They shouldnât have come.
âAlex,â he called, but Alex didnât turn or otherwise respond. Phoenix strode after him, catching up easily, just like he always did, just like he always had, even when they were kids. âAlex,â he called again as he got closer, but Alex was lost in his thoughts. So Phoenix reached out and grabbed his arm, pulling him to a stop as he reached him. âAlex. Itâs okay, youâre okay, youâre safe. Come on. Talk to me. Whatâs wrong?â He asked, stepping as close as he dared and lowering his voice to speak softly, keeping his hand on Alexâs arm.
Alex felt his chest tighten, and panic flared back up in his mind. It was just Phoenix, and rationally he understood that, but he was already on edge, and Phoenix grabbing his arm like that, it just set him off. He froze, only for a moment, as if his brain just couldnât fully process what was happening. He felt frustration rise in his chest; he was frustrated that he couldnât handle the meeting, that Phoenix had followed him out, but mostly he felt himself growing increasingly frustrated by his own panic and fear. He felt like his life was falling apart, and that he was just getting in the way everywhere he went. He felt the panic and frustration meld into a frantic sort of anger, not unlike a wounded, cornered animal. He flinched away from Phoenix, ripping his arm away from his friendâs touch, and turned to face him, âDonât touch me.â He spat, voice dripping with venom. He hadnât meant to snap at Phoenix, but he didnât stop there. âYou wanna know whatâs wrong?â He lowered his voice, but nothing in his tone was soft. Heâd never spoken particularly harshly to Phoenix, not even when theyâd disagreed. There had always been some sort of affection, or humor, to cut the sting of his words. He didnât try to keep the anger out of his voice this time.
âI have been there for you through everything. Every pain, every heartbreak, every stupid decision. Even when I was hurting, or lost, or⊠Whatever. I have always dropped everything to be there for you.â He held up a finger, as if daring Phoenix not to say a word, âI⊠I practically died, Phoenix! I was alone, and you left me there. All for what? Some asshole who left you heartbroken the next day!â He shook his head, he knew he should stop, but his heart was pounding in his chest, his ears were ringing, and he felt completely out of control, âAnd youâd known him, what? Two weeks?â He scoffed, âAnd now look at you. Now youâre⊠Youâre blond now? Trying to look like him?â Alex rolled his eyes, his tone wouldâve been condescending if he didnât sound so furious, âWhat a pathetic attempt to hold onto someone that didnât even care about you enough to say a proper goodbye.â
Alex shrugged and took a step backwards, as if he suddenly couldnât stand to be so close to Phoenix, âI really hope it was all worth it. I certainly learned a very valuable lesson about what kind of person I should be putting my trust in.â
Phoenix stumbled back the moment Alex pulled his arm away, realising that heâd made a mistake. And then Alex started speaking, and Phoenix just stared at him in confusion. Heâd never heard Alex speak to⊠anyone like that. It felt like he was listening to somebody else in Alexâs body.
Phoenix wanted to comfort Alex. He wanted to ignore everything he was saying and drag him home, make him hot chocolate, and tell him to sleep it off and heâd feel better in the morning. He wanted this to be something they could move past. But every word felt like a kick to the chest. And what hurt the most? It was true. It would have been easier to dismiss it if it had been empty, if it had been just delusions. But it explained so much. It explained the distance that Phoenix had started to feel ever since the attack. It drove home the guilt that Phoenix had felt for weeks now as well as the heartbreak of being abandoned again. That look of disgust as Alex stepped away from him felt like somebody had driven a knife between his ribs and there was a moment where he felt like he couldnât breathe.
âYou ungrateful asshole,â Phoenix choked out, not realising he was crying until the tears were streaming down his cheeks. âAre you forgetting all the times I fucking talked you down after a nightmare? I let you pass out on my couch because you got too drunk? Pulled you away when somebody was about to kick your face in because you flirted with somebody you shouldnât have?â He was yelling now, and he wasnât going to be able to control it. It was a defense mechanism, kicking in so nobody would see the pain and the hurt. âI make one mistake, one mistake I have regretted ever since, and Iâm the monster?â He could feel a familiar tug somewhere in the back of his mind, the tug that meant he was losing control of his abilities. He couldnât let that happen, not here. He needed to get out of here, needed to go. He ripped the flower crown from his head and hurled it at Alex. âGo fuck yourself, Alex.â He turned and stormed away, the tears still streaming down his face.
Phoenixâs words didnât hurt. They were true, and Alex hadnât forgotten any of it, he just didnât care. The things Phoenix had done right in the past just couldnât erase the pain and betrayal he felt. He let the flower crown hit him, not caring enough to move or even try to stop it, and when Phoenix turned to leave found himself calling out, âWeâre all monsters, Phoenix! But youâre a fucking coward!â The words left his mouth before heâd even stopped to consider what he was saying, just like everything else heâd said that night. He found himself beginning to tremble; so he turned, and started walking home. This was the last place he wanted to be. If Phoenix was a coward, Alex didnât know what that made him.