Thoughts In The Dark

Yea...i don't know why i gave it that title lol. This will just be a little forum where i post the poems/songs/short stories i write. Please comment onnn ^^



Whispered Love: During The Day(Pt. 1)

The following is a poem that I started writing about a month ago. Somehow it turned into a series of parts that tell a story and i decided to use a rhyming scheme in this one because usually i don't...soooo tell me what you think! It is currently unfinshed



Silent whispers in the wake of night
Your embrace is my delight
The moon reflects in your eyes
As I sadly say Goodbye

The sun comes with a warning
Memories still soaring
Though I know it isn't right
I can't wait to see you again tonight

It pains me yo see you during the day
Laughing and smiling with her that way
I know she's the one that belongs with you
But I can't help but feel like I do too

I know that you love me, I see it in your eyes
It's sad the way we have to hide
Disappearing into the night, whispering how we feel
Waking up the next day, wondering if it was real

Everytime I think i have you, you have to slip away
Though my heart can't bare it, I'm still a part of this play
And as I wonder how this all will end
I'm still waiting to see you again

You caught me off guard today, when you called my name
Her eyes held unwavering surprise; mine, no doubt, the same
I noticed her lip tremble as she muttered "who is she?"
'Me? I'm no one. I esd just about to leave.'

That's what I wanted to say, but nothing came out
Why am I frozen in place? Why won't I turn around?
You took the liberty of answering, with that perfect smile.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad...if I stayed awhile.

The moon and sun weren't meant to share
Yet she and I are standing here
Floating around the clouds of one sky
Wrapping around the heart of one guy

I think it's time I take my leave
The sunlight is becoming too much for me
Atleast I can still see you tonight
When the moon has earned its right

Well That is the first part, I will upload part two in a bit.

Personally, despite the rhyme scheme, I loved the poem overall - or this first part. Second line, first stanza, I find reads better as,"your embrace, my delight" but that's nothing major. There were a few good lines, but I wasn't completely hooked on wanting to read a second part until coming across the last two stanzas. The overall feel of just reading those two stanzas makes up for any prior mistakes. I'm not going to give any kind of critique, but I will ask that you post that second part whenever you can. =]

thank you so much for you're input ^^