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Jesus H. Christ

The J-man. Can turn water into wine, raise the dead, and other Jesus-y stuff.

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a character in “The Multiverse”, as played by crazybilliscrazy

So begins...

Jesus H. Christ's Story

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Jesus H. Christ exhales a cloud of smoke shaped in a cross. "Dude, they just set me up on a pedestal, or I guess in this case a cross." He chuckled at his joke, starting to feel the effects of the weed he was smoking. He raised a brow as his mother stole his joint. "Shit mom. You coulda asked..."

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Jesus H. Christ sighed, sitting on the floor, looking up at his mother sadly. "Mother, why have you forsaken me?"

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Jesus H. Christ is still sitting on the floor. "Alright." He reached out and takes the tube, lights it, and takes a hit, watching the goofy dragon shoot smoke at him. He exhaled his hit giggling. "What a silly pipe."

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Jesus H. Christ laughs handing him back the tube. "Fucking awesome man."

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The doors flew open and a pink fog drifted into the room. The speakers suddenly began blasting techno music and all of the lights shut off, leaving the room in almost total darkness. Then a figure emerged from the haze with a almost blinding corona of white light. Jesus stood in the doorway in his white robes and sandles, his hands on his hips. The techno music stopped. "My children, I have returned."

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Jesus H. Christ stepped into the middle of the bar floor. "I have made my glorious return, just as I promised all of those years ago. You guys remember, right?"

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Jesus H. Christ sniffed. "I made too big of an entrance again, didn't I?" The fog vanished with a wave of Jesus' hand. He reached into his robes and pulled out a cigarette, which he placed into his mouth. "Well, shit..." He said, collapsing onto one of the bar stools. "Bartender! Get me a water!"

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Jesus H. Christ shot an upwards nod to the bartender, letting smoke waft out from his nostrils. "Thanks, Chief." He waved a hand over the water, which immediately darkened into a dark purple wine. He then picked up the glass and held it up to the light. "Oh yes..." He then downed it. "That's the good stuff."

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"And speaking of the good stuff..." Jesus reached into his robes again and took out a small plastic baggy filled with a green, leafy substance along with some waxy thin cigarette paper. He began rolling a cigarette using the green substance.