Steal The Bacon!

[Axle]

Rules, explanation and whatnot: The bacon is indestructible and regenerates itself (You can eat it all you want, and it just keeps coming!). Players are invincible (Yes, you can have your car blown up with you in it, and enjoy it too!). Steal the bacon! How to do so; Step 1., post in response to the person who posted before you. Step 2., in said post that you are posting, describe how you take the bacon from said player (violence and mayhem are encouraged. Remember, WE'RE ALL INVINCIBLE...). Step 3., enjoy owning the bacon until someone takes it!
Wash, Rinse, Repeat.
ENJOY!
Note: For purposes of the game, the bacon can have some kind of magical draw to it or whatever, and cause players to become umm, well, EXTREMELY possessive of it. Like, Smiegel and The Ring possessive... Well, maybe not THAT possessive, but, you get the idea.. IT'S FREAKIN' MAGICAL BACON MAN!!! XD


Axle was walking in the park one day, looking up at the birds and the blue sky. He smiled, and took a bite from the hot dog he'd just bought from a vendor. His smile quickly turned to a frown, then a grimace, as he spit out the bite he'd took. "Blech, nasty dog, must be spoiled.." Axle mumbled, throwing the hot dog to some pigeons.
A moment later, Axle was passing by a picnic table. The occupants had just gotten up and started playing catch a few moments earlier, and Axle noticed an amazing looking BLT sandwich sitting there. Completely untouched. Just sitting there. Unguarded. 'Hmmm, that looks damn good...' Axle thought to himself, circling around a tree and eye balling the group playing catch. Axle walked by the table again, and snatched the BLT while the others were occupied.
After walking a few feet, Axle took a bite. It was delicious! Especially that bacon! "MMmmmm! Oh my GOD! This is bomb!" Axle declared, and just when he went to take another bite, he noticed something strange. The strips of bacon were GROWING! Well, more correctly, regenerating... Replacing the piece Axle had bitten off! "Wooowww... Magic bacon?.. I gotta show this to Amber! She'll never believe me if I just text her about it!" So, with that, Axle started heading back to his apartment on the other side of the city, to show his girlfriend the apparently magical bacon he'd come across.

[ViceVersus]

Out of nowhere, a withering torrent of flame slammed into the young man -- charring the ground in broad streaks of black as it did so. Somehow, this did not burn the bacon and left it completely intact while still vaporizing anything else in its path.

This left only Sato standing there with her fist outstretched, eyes wild. She straightened, dropped both arms to her side and uttered only one word:

"BAA-AACON!"

And so she was off, springing faster than the trained eye could follow, straight at Axle. With two well-placed jabs, she had relieved him of his magical bacon, clenched it firmly in her jaw for safekeeping, and with a whoosh of warm air, had rocketed straight up into the sky, heading back towards the sun.

(Note: When replying to this thread, don't use the quick-reply box! Make sure you hit Post Reply and do it that way!)

[Axle]

*BAM!* *BAM!*
"What the hell was that?!" Axle wondered, looking about for whoever or whatever had whacked him a couple of times... And obviously, they'd been the ones that took that bacon! Axle looked up, as he had felt a warm rush of air and heard a whoosh that disappeared up into the sky.
Axle peered up, and saw a glimmer of light going up and up and up. Axle looked around, and in a nearby bush saw a crate. 'U.S. MILITARY SURPLUS' was printed on the side, and Axle ran over. He cracked the wood with a swift kick, and peeled it open. "OOH!" Axle exclaimed, as he pulled out a SAM launcher and several rockets. Axle loaded the weapon, and brought it to bear. He looked through the display as he pointed it skyward, and zoomed in. The glimmer he'd seen was a flying woman apparently, and although normally this sight itself would've been enough to make Axle go home and lie down, there was a much more pressing matter.
THE BACON...
Axle attempted to lock on once, and fired; the rocket didn't fully follow the target, and whizzed right by the flyer. "Dammit all..." Axle muttered, loading another rocket, and this time took his time to fully lock. Once it was, Axle took a breath and exhaled, firing the rocket. He held his breath, watching as the rocket made contact and exploded.
Out of the fire ball and smoke, a piece of something flew out, followed by a small trail of glittering light.
THE BACON!!!
Axle ran in the direction the bacon was falling. He ran and ran, almost five city blocks until he saw it hit the sidewalk a block away. Axle ran harder, and ran even harder still as he saw a hobo pick up the bacon. "NOOOoooooo!" Axle yelled, as the bum began lifting it to his mouth. Axle bowled the homeless dude over, knocking the bacon from his grasp. Axle picked it up a few feet away, and continued running.
Axle spotted a subway entrance nearby, and ran over, quickly descending the stairs into the underground. He hopped the turn-style, and awaited the next train as he caught his breath.

[Lambs]

The aroma of maple soaked meaty goodness hung thickly in the air. Whipping her head around to find the scent's source she was met with almost immediate disappointment. Where could the smell be coming from? While taking a deep inhalation of the nearly seductive aroma, realization hit her like a brick wall.

"The subway." Lambs uttered without entirely meaning to. Tactically speaking, she knew there was only one way to successfully gain possession of the Bacon. Opening her mouth wide as she could possibly manage, the corners aching with stress, she nose-dived into the gravel laden grass. Teeth struck the ground and tore through it smoothly, like butter. Gravel, dirt, and a plentiful supply of bugs and small rodents filled her mouth as she descended under the city streets. Though Lambs grimaced at the awful taste of what she was consuming, it was a small price to pay for that delectable breakfast treat.

Rumbling erupted from the compacted earth next to her. Lambs broke through the subway wall and rode the passing subway to the station. There she saw it, in the arms of another man! Heartbroken though she was their relationship was most definitely salvageable. "We just need to have a little chat-" she breathed, in a poor attempt to convince herself. Breath held tight, she leapt from the moving subway and kicked the man in the gut, plucking the bacon from his hand in the same motion.

"Don't ever leave me again." she whispered gently, stroking the bacon.

[ViceVersus]

With an unholy screech the small Asian girl came tearing around the corner, arms and legs churning. She appeared to be making a beeline straight for Lambs and the enchanted piece of bacon, and while in a moment Lambs might have thought she was about to be attacked, the truth soon made itself quite clear.

Behind Sato, there was an enormous pack of hellhounds all chasing with great gusto, as though this were nothing but sport. They snarled and snapped and growled, each step leaving black, sooty marks of char on the subway station's flecked tile. There were at least a dozen of them, and they were all heading straight for Lambs.

Sato shot past Lambs like a bullet so fast that her words came in later, panting sweatily after about a quarter-second delay.

"Runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrun -- "

The hellhounds' eyes suddenly narrowed. They had a new target suddenly in their path. Her name was Lambs, and she had a delicious piece of bacon in her hand. And everyone knows that all hellhounds love bacon.

Sato skittered to a halt not too far away, realizing that she was no longer being chased. One glance backwards told her all she needed to know. Lambs was being slowly circled by the hellhounds -- hellhounds that were licking their chops most deviously. She could smell the sulfur building up.

"You have got to be .. guh."

Plagued by the sudden inconvenience, Sato rolled her eyes, rolled her shoulder, pulled a laser pistol from the folds of her supertrendyreallyawesome coat, and fired off three shots at the hellhounds before they could get it in their minds to spring at the woman.

Pew pew pew!

"Shame," Sato said, looking now at the barrel of her smoking gun. "I thought the sound would be a bit more impress--AHH -- [size=130]AHHH![/size"

The hellhounds got bored again, and this time decided that the girl shooting at them was once again more important. In the time it had taken Sato to glance curiously at her weapon, they had attacked and the small Asian was now pinned to the ground under very hot, very hellish paws.

"Ow, ow, owww .. !"

Oddly, no one else in the subway thought this was a strange occurrence. Sato realized that the paws were suddenly no longer flaming but warm, and she realized her face was not being ripped off by sharp teeth, but licked. She started to laugh. The hellhounds' tails thumped, and they gave a low whimper.

"Alright, alright. That's enough. Evidently she wasn't fooled. Not fooled at all."

Sato rose slowly to her feet, and the hellhounds fell in with their master.

"We'll have to play things a bit more direct, then, if we must."

The girl lifted the blaster once more, and sent a round right into the ceiling lights. They shattered, sending sparks everywhere and it was in the middle of this chaos that Sato decided to move. She yanked the bacon from Lambs' hand, stuffed it into her mouth without thought of sanitation, jogged back a few paces, tipped an imaginary hat, and then exploded into nothing, leaving only a wisp of steam in her place.