Emotionless Musings......

[IchigoKulric]

*whistles* Well, I'm lately feeling TONS happier, last year was hell.

How I felt:
I NEED TO PROTECT EVERYONE. I MUST BE SOMEONE I'M NOT. I MUST BE ICHIGO, EDWARD, SORA OR ANYONE I WISH AT THE TIME. I MUST TAKE CARE OF MY MOTHER, NOT MYSELF, I DON'T MATTER, I HAVE TO FIGHT ALL THE TIME, BE ANGRY. I CARE ABOUT EVERYONE, AND HAVE TO HELP THEM ALWAYS. I'M IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND. I'M TRYING TO FIND OUT IF I'M BI. I DON'T KNOW WHO MY REAL FRIENDS ARE. I WISH PEOPLE WOULD STOP YELLING/CRITICIZING ME... ARGUING.... I'M ALWAYS WRONG. I'M WEAK. NO ONE SHOW ME COMPASSION. I DO EVERYTHING FOR EVERYONE, AND NO ONE GIVES IT BACK. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE JUDGE ME, I WANT MORE THINGS THAT I'VE BEEN WANTING....
Etc. etc.

BLAH BLAH BLAH...

Now:
I don't care as much. Mom can take care of herself. I can still protect people, INCLUDING MYSELF. I can be myself, and I'm still Ichigo-like, just from forcing it on myself from the past, but I'm OK with it now. I've let go of my best friend a lot, I can stand up without help. I've gotten the stuff I've been desiring, which wasn't too much to ask for. I have a new family, including a sister I've never had. I have new clothes, have been to Hot Topic for once, have kittens that I love (yes, emotionless, one's name is Ichigo. ;) Ichigo James Kurosaki Christiansen. And Dagda Grimmjow Jeagerjaques Christiansen (Dagda for short, or as my foster mother calls both of them: Itch, and Dog. :P ), a labtop (heehee), more reading!!, getting back to drawing, get to record my shows, my best friend still comes over, but not as much. I'm in counseling (counselor is AWESOME, like my friend, she's new, and young), fully understand I'm bi, and discovered my religon that I can go to (however I'm not Christian, I'm going to church more because my friend loves it so much), less PS2 (kind of), fun family time!, went back to the cities finally once. Mother is getting help, and I'm enjoying my life so much.... oh, and what did all this? What made my life happier, not just happy pills? Thinking... and a lot of it.

[emotionless]

Thinking hurts my head. lolz.
and its bad for my health...it throws me into depression.....
i think to much...if that possible, i just over think things, and read to much into what people say or do.
*shruggs*
ill get over it....lolz...i hope.
and im supper happy your happy Ichigo cause you know i love you!

[Patcharoo]

Come out of a hard break up?

Wait a minute, was that poetry?

That should be in the creative section.

[emotionless]

no...no break up....i dont think any who....
and no its not poetry...i have a hard time NOT rhyming....i find it entertaining....lolz
and if your talking about ichigo's post.....i think she was just examining what i said and telling me she had felt the same before....

[Kronos]

I see your self-pity and raise you the freedom of existentialism.

You control your own life. How you're feeling is entirely up to you.

YOU.

CONTROL..

YOURSELF.

Imagine that you had control of your life. It's no roller coaster ride with unexpected twists and turns, it's something which you have total control over - well, over your emotions and actions. You can't control other people.

Yeah, I'm heartless. And I hate poetry.

[emotionless]

No, not heartless. Honest and i thank you for you opinion. if that's how you see it then okay, im okay with that. i on the other hand see life as something you wont ever be able to control. you just have to roll with the punches and make due with what you have even if what you have isn't the best. Ive learned a lot, from great friends like Ichigo, since i wrote that. i re-read it yesterday and realized it was kinda naive of me to think that i ever could understand life, but hey im okay with that, Ive grown and changed and im okay with not understanding. ill be able to figure out what needs done when it needs done when the time comes. ((TOLD YOU I COULDN'T HELP RHYMING!!)) oh and it isn't poetry..... just random thoughts pieced together to make one damned pity filled depressing paragraph. thanks for your advice and for reading it..... //_^

[IchigoKulric]

*smiles* I agree with Kronos. You do control your own life, BUT of course, that is my opinion. I luvs you Emotionless, and I wish you the best. Try to overcome obsticles, and you'll be fine.

[emotionless]

okay i got a new one for you all to criticize...oops i mean...put an opinion on...lolz JK. ;)

About Society and the Human Species:

Sometime life seems pointless; what if there is no reason for being put on earth? It seems impossible and all of human kind will continue to search for the meaning of life, but what if it is futile? I have found that the human species is incapable of living life without a reason, we just cant enjoy it unless we have something to contribute to. I think we would all die if the truth came to be we where not put here, and there is no reason for us.
The human nature is to follow our instincts, but as we grow up we are molded to what society see’s as right, there fore slowly we give up our Civil liberties. All in the name of the social order, we fear rejection of the general public. What we represent as it makes us who we are, but with all the ‘freedom’ of choice we have we chose to follow, then we complain because we are not free, but it is as I said we chose not to be. I think we feel safe when told what to do and we hope and pray that what they say is true.
Why is it that people like to kill individuality? They seem to think “ya your different…Just like everyone else…” so if that is true then how are we to stand out in the crowd? That’s just it! They don’t want us to stand out; they want us to be drones of the working kind. Well, I refuse. I wont let my personality be crushed by the oppressing looks and thoughts about me and my attitude. You don’t like it go away.
In my opinion one thing you must never do, is allow others to form you. Because you must stay true to who you choose to be, or else you shall lose yourself, Lose individuality, independence & creativity. You can’t allow yourself to be shaped by others. You can’t allow yourself to be caught in the tide of wannabe balers, popular preps and circus freaks. Others may look down on you but one day the others will look back and say: 'I wish I could've been as brave' and they will regret the decisions they made.

i think ive been listening to to many conspiracy theories....lolz

[Adrianna]

Read Sorrows of Young Werther. It's...interesting. Kinda makes you think about the pointlessness of life.

[emotionless]

okay. ill look it up. thanks.
wait what did you think about it?
i know its sorta depressing but.....
thats who i be...lolz

[IchigoKulric]

I likes who you bes. But, bes okays, loves? I needs yous to be happies.

[Nyxeth]

To be fair, this isn't really a topic - considering how personal and volatile the subject can be - for the forums. I'll not lock it, but I suggest to be careful with exactly what you post.

[emotionless]

okay. no problem. ^_^
im actually thinking about shutting it down anyways.
there was no point in making it....just out of boredom i suppose.
thanks for warning me.

[Killa]

*giggles cause April's avatar is beating the stick figure over the head in time with my music...*

Man, this post just made my day a little better lol.

[emotionless]

Lawl...i just looked myself up and found this,....wow i was lame. XD
Geeze talk about growing up....*sigh* kids these days.
its kinda funny actually because i dont feel like any of this stuff at all any more...depression is just something you let yourself be sucked into, if your weak. It took me a little wile to figure this out...XD <3