At the End of the River

[Unknown Knight]

Start Date: November 17, 2007

This is not modern time nor futuristic time. It's more of medieval-ish, but cause there's swords, bows, etc. The genre, rating, and summary are listed below.

Genre: Romance/Fantasy

Rating: PG-13

Summary: There is a river that flows outside the village of Yarin. Some say it is endless. Is it? A young man is about to find out.

At the End of the River

Chapter One: Into the River

The market of Yarin was full of people; merchants sold their goods, villagers bought them, kids ran through the market. The smell of the food drifted towards a young man’s nose.

Blaze Kyester was an orphan ever since his house was broken into, ten years ago. The robbers killed his parent, taken every possession, and nearly killed him as well. The guards had arrived the second then blade was going to pierce his heart. A piece of him did die that day though.

Two years ago, he was released from the orphanage because he had reached the age of adulthood. Eight years that place was his home, and past two years, he had been on his own.

Blaze pushed his brown hair out of his eyes. He watched the kids run around. He smiled at their innocence of childhood, the same kind he once had. He looked into an alley and saw a boy come out of a crate. He walked up to the boy.

“Hello.” Blaze greeted the boy.

The boy looked up. “Who are you?”

“I should be asking you the same question. You’re homeless, correct?”

The boy nodded.

“You do know there’s an orphanage, right?”

“I know. My sister and I lived there until we were six. She died of an illness they couldn’t treat. I left the orphanage, knowing I didn’t want to live there alone.”

Four years they were in there, yet he never noticed the boy. Blaze walked over to one of the food stands. He paid the merchant for the loaf of bread and returned to the boy. He handed the boy the bread.

He looked up. “Is it for me?”

Blaze smiled. “Yes.”

“Thank you, mister.”

“No problem.” Blaze turned around to the exit of the village. He walked out to the river he always went to clear his mind. He had never left Yarin except to the river. He always thought it was endless. An arrow flew passed his head.

Blaze turned around. He saw a figure in a cloak, wielding a bow. “Who are you?”

The stranger didn’t reply with words but with another arrow. Blaze was expecting this and unsheathed his father’s sword, the only thing that was not taken in the robbery. In a split-second, he sliced the arrow in half, barely avoiding the hit.

Another arrow was fired, this time to be blocked. The figure realized he or she could not win with the bow, so it drew out its sword. It charged at Blaze.

He was ready. He dodged the slash and sent one of his own. Their blades clashed, Blaze with the upper-hand. He sent another slash, this time knocking the sword out of its grasp. Blaze pointed the blade at the figure’s throat.

“Who are you!?” he yelled.

It did not reply. The cloak fell to the ground. Five figures appeared where the first one had been.

“What?”

Two of them drew their swords and charged. The other three remained at position, their bows out. Blaze was surrounded by two with swords and pinned down by three with bows.

He blocked a slash and sent one of his own. He barely dodged the arrow, grazing the swordsman behind him. He ducked at both of them slashed at him. He had avoided the slashes but not the arrows.

Two of them missed, but one hit his arm. Blaze yelled in pain. He dodged the swords as they slammed into the ground. He got up away from those two.

He could not win five on one with an arrow in his arm. There was only one thing he could do, jump into the river. Blaze ran for the river. Arrows were flying at them, but their aim was terrible. All of them missed, until one hit the back of his knee. He yelled in pain again and fell into the water.

He saw one last glimpse of his attackers. He could see the smirk of one of them, probably the one who had shot him. Five cloaks fell to the ground and blew away into the distance. Blood colored the river from the two arrows in his arm and knee. Was this river endless? He was about to find out. Blaze’s eyes closed as he was swept away by the river.

Author's Note: Feel free to give any feedback, whether it be positive or negative; I don't care, fire away. Also, I know there are grammar and spelling errors. Yes, I do reread it, but for some reason, I don't know why, I never find the error(s) until someone points it out. I don't know how many chapters I'm going to have in this, but it'll be a decent length for an original story.

-Unknown Knight

[Unknown Knight]

Chapter Two: The Spectre of Light

A young girl, who looked to be around eighteen, dressed in a white robe, walked out of her hut and noticed something floating in the water. She approached the river and saw what was floating, a young man. He was closed to the edge of the river, so it was not hard for her to pull him onto land. She knelt down to pick him up, so she could get him inside.

When she picked him up, she noticed he was lighter than she had expected. She walked back into her hut and set him on her bed. She started to rid him of his soaked clothes when she had the two wounds, one on his arm, and one on his knee. She gasped when she saw the wound had pierced the other side.

She picked up a towel she had laying on the ground and wrapped it around his arm, applying pressure, stopping the bleeding. She did the same with his knee. She took off his shirt to prevent him from getting sick. He already had two wounds; the last thing he needed was to get sick and weaken his immunity. She ignored his pants, allowing him to keep his privacy. All she had to do now was wait.

Time passed, and Blaze slowly opened his eyes. He felt something tight around his arm and knee. He pulled off the cover and noticed a towel was wrapped around both. He noticed immediately that his shirt was off. He sighed when he saw his pants remained, but he was missing something else, his father’s sword. He noticed it was on the table and went to retrieve it.

The door opened, and the girl from before entered. She was holding a tray with food, bringing it to him. “You’re awake.” She smiled and offered him the food.

He took some of the bread off of the tray. “Who are you?”

“My name is Rose Secare. I found you in the river outside of this hut. Your shirt is drying outside, and your sword on the table. Never mind; I see you have already gotten it. Who are, and ay I ask how you got those two wounds and why you were unconscious in the river?”

Should he tell her? She had saved his life, so it was the least he could do. “My name is Blaze Kyester, a villager of Yarin. I was attacked.”

“Yarin’s at least a mile from here. By who, do you know?”

“I don’t know who or what they were. All I know is that they wore black cloaks, and their cloaks could fall to the ground, but they would not be there. They would reappear where their cloaks went.” Rose held in a gasp.

“Is something wrong?”

He had every right to know who his attackers were, so she decided to tell him. “The people who attacked you are known as Spectres.”

“How do you know that?”

She sighed. “I am a Spectre.” In one swift movement, Blaze unsheathed the sword and pointed it at her neck. “Please let me explain.” Rose said.

“Fine.”

“We Spectres are a people of darkness and wind. The darkness allows them to appear and reappear. The wind is the form of our transportation. Exiled Spectres are known as Spectres of Light. When they are exiled, their black cloak is taken from them and a white cloak or robe is given. They give us a two days started before some come after. Without the darkness, our power of appearing and reappearing is no longer available, thus the wind is no longer transportation to us. A gold symbol is on every white robe which allows Spectres to know where I am. Some sort of seal is placed on the robe, so that it is never damaged, and that I cannot take it off.”

“How can I trust you?” Blaze asked, not lowering the sword.

“I saved your life from my own people. Isn’t that enough?”

“I guess.” He said lowering it a bit. “Why were you exiled?”

“True Spectres do not have any emotions. I, on the other hand, started to develop to emotions. When they found out, I was exiled. Spectres of Light are basically human except they have the white cloak. The only way to brake the seal is to express the purest emotion, love. But I cannot just say that I love someone, I have to love someone as though the person would be my husband.”

Blaze’s sword was completely lowered now. “I’m sorry; I didn’t know.” There was a bang at the door. “We know you’re in there, you Spectre of Light!”

Blaze looked out the window. There were three Spectres outside the door. One he could take on. Three, not so much.

“Go through the back door. I’ll distract them so you can get away!” Rose whispered.

“No! I can’t fight them without dying. I you can’t distract without losing your life. We’re getting out here together.”

“But.” She looked into his eyes and nodded. The two of them quietly exited through the back door and ran along the river.

“I’ve heard that this river is endless. Is it?” Blaze asked while running.

“I don’t know. If it is, then no one’s ever gotten to the end of it.”

The three Spectres started to approach from behind. “Don’t let them get away!” one yelled. They started to fire arrows at the two. Their aim was not terrible, but they were no experts.

“They’re catching up!” Blaze yelled.

“There’s nowhere to go. Except…” Rose said.

“Except what?”

“Into the river. The current is too fast for them to ever catch up.”

Blaze groaned. “I have to go into the river again.”

“It’s either that or die!”

“Alright. On three. One.”

“Two.”

“Three!” They yelled and jumping into the river.

The Spectres continued to chase them until they were so far apart that it was impossible. They soon gave up. One of them swore under its breath. “Lord Bendez will not be happy. This is the fourth time we’ve failed to kill that girl.”

Meanwhile, Blaze and Rose fought the current to stay together. Rose started to drift away, but Blaze caught her hand. “I’m not letting you go.” He pulled her to him and hugged her close to preserve body heat. He held her like that as the two of them flowed down the river, not knowing what was next.

[Village Alchemist]

Summary: There is a river that flows outside the village of Yarin. Some say it is endless. Is it? A young man is about to find out.

Why hasn't anybody gone and checked before? Just asking.

At the End of the River

Chapter One: Into the River

The market of Yarin was full of people; merchants sold their goods, villagers bought them, kids ran through the market. The smell of the food drifted towards a young man’s nose.

Love the smell drifting of its own accord. Nice imagery there. One issue, though: unless the reader checks your little summary at the top, he/she will not know what Yarin is.

Blaze Kyester was an orphan ever since his house was broken into, ten years ago. The robbers killed his parent, taken every possession, and nearly killed him as well. The guards had arrived the second then blade was going to pierce his heart. A piece of him did die that day though.

Two years ago, he was released from the orphanage because he had reached the age of adulthood. Eight years that place was his home, and past two years, he had been on his own.

This just seems to be randomly thrown in there. What brings up the issue of his parent's murder?

Blaze pushed his brown hair out of his eyes. He watched the kids run around. He smiled at their innocence of childhood, the same kind he once had. He looked into an alley and saw a boy come out of a crate. He walked up to the boy.

“Hello.” Blaze greeted the boy.

The boy looked up. “Who are you?”

“I should be asking you the same question. You’re homeless, correct?”

The boy nodded.

“You do know there’s an orphanage, right?”

“I know. My sister and I lived there until we were six. She died of an illness they couldn’t treat. I left the orphanage, knowing I didn’t want to live there alone.”

That's one talkative orphan!

Four years they were in there, yet he never noticed the boy. Blaze walked over to one of the food stands. He paid the merchant for the loaf of bread and returned to the boy. He handed the boy the bread.

He looked up. “Is it for me?”

Blaze smiled. “Yes.”

“Thank you, mister.”

“No problem.” Blaze turned around to the exit of the village. He walked out to the river he always went to clear his mind. He had never left Yarin except to the river. He always thought it was endless. An arrow flew passed his head.

Blaze turned around. He saw a figure in a cloak, wielding a bow. “Who are you?”

The stranger didn’t reply with words but with another arrow. Blaze was expecting this and unsheathed his father’s sword, the only thing that was not taken in the robbery. In a split-second, he sliced the arrow in half, barely avoiding the hit.

If he wasn't expecting the stranger to answer his question, why did Blaze even ask it?

Another arrow was fired, this time to be blocked. The figure realized he or she could not win with the bow, so it drew out its sword. It charged at Blaze.

The first sentence is in the passive tense. Try something along the lines of "The figure fired another arrow, which Blaze blocked." Nouns should be the subject of the sentence.

He was ready. He dodged the slash and sent one of his own. Their blades clashed, Blaze with the upper-hand. He sent another slash, this time knocking the sword out of its grasp. Blaze pointed the blade at the figure’s throat.

“Who are you!?” he yelled.

It did not reply. The cloak fell to the ground. Five figures appeared where the first one had been.

“What?”

Two of them drew their swords and charged. The other three remained at position, their bows out. Blaze was surrounded by two with swords and pinned down by three with bows.

He blocked a slash and sent one of his own. He barely dodged the arrow, grazing the swordsman behind him. He ducked at both of them slashed at him. He had avoided the slashes but not the arrows.

Two of them missed, but one hit his arm. Blaze yelled in pain. He dodged the swords as they slammed into the ground. He got up away from those two.

He could not win five on one with an arrow in his arm. There was only one thing he could do, jump into the river. Blaze ran for the river. Arrows were flying at them, but their aim was terrible. All of them missed, until one hit the back of his knee. He yelled in pain again and fell into the water.

He saw one last glimpse of his attackers. He could see the smirk of one of them, probably the one who had shot him. Five cloaks fell to the ground and blew away into the distance. Blood colored the river from the two arrows in his arm and knee. Was this river endless? He was about to find out. Blaze’s eyes closed as he was swept away by the river.

That was really cool. You have a good imagination. Though I would point out that you specifically stated that only one arrow hit Blaze, and then you go on to mention the TWO ARROWS in him.

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