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Character Help

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Character Help

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby Zman on Sat Jun 05, 2010 12:21 pm

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The room was white wash with cold, lifeless surgical lights illuminating it. Standing in the freezing room in nothing but his skives and dog-tags, Nathan wondered what had possessed him to sign those papers and join the so called ā€œSuper-Soldierā€ project. Maybe he was to patriotic, or wanted to be the best, or something else, but whatever it was it didnā€™t matter now. He had signed a contract and he would fulfill it or well those men in black suits didnā€™t seem the type to just forgot about spending billions on a single soldier and just let him walk out. A sudden crack and the door opened as multiple people dressed in all white with surgical masks and latex gloves covering their hands began to enter. Looking around suddenly, realizing heā€™d made a mistake before a bright flash of light ended his confusion as he spiraled into unconsciousness.

Time seemed to become nothing but an endless loop. Remembering fragments of what happened was all that ever came to his mind after the surgeries happened. It took eleven of them to finally implant everything that had been created for this project into Nathanā€™s body. When he finally awoke, he was briefed by a strict looking doctor with only one eye and a scarred upper lip. He was informed that fifteen different implants had been placed inside of his body and that it would take him two years to fully heal from all the surgeries. However during that time he would be put through tests and training and be given the serum that was the second part of the super-soldier project.

During the next two years, Nathan was given the super-soldier serum along with briefings on what each new implant into his body did and offered him. He was given a second heart, which increased the blood supply and pumping capacity and is capable of taking over entirely should the primary heart fail. Another implant caused Nathanā€™s bones to become larger and exponentially stronger then a normal manā€™s. Along with the bone growth implant, one of the other implants would massively bolster muscle development and fiber density throughout his body. Multiple other implants were placed into his body along with the previously mentioned ones. Some caused his blood to carry oxygen and nutrients more efficiently, others caused his body to repair wounds by releasing specially designed cells to form scar tissues in a matter of seconds. While others allowed Nathan to go into a half sleep/half awake state instead of fully sleeping so that he could always be alert and another allowed him to go into a stasis like coma if he was ever injured to where he might effectively die. There were other implants, which caused him to think of himself not human anymore but something else; maybe an abomination or a god or something in-between the two.

Along with the implants, the serum that Nathan was given would cause his body to grow until he preformed on a level that put him above the limits of natural human potential. The serum that is constantly replenished by his body after constant injections over the course of two years, increases all of his metabolic functions and prevents the build-up of fatigue poisons in his muscles. It also stops him from becoming intoxicated by simply drinking alcohol, which has caused him in the present time to become something of an alcoholic. However, due to funding issues and the actual cost of creating a living, breathing super-soldier with Nathan only one of two actual survivors of the procedure, the project was trashed in place of other, cheaper military projects.

Over the course of his entire career, Nathan remained loyal to his government and his military until he was betrayed openly by them and his own brother-in-arms, the other super-soldier to be created. In a massive explosion, Nathanā€™s left arm, left eye and most of the left side of his body were destroyed completely, and he only survived due to all of the construction that went into creating what he is or was. Due to this injury and the years that followed, after Nathan was found by the man who would become simply known by him as Dr. B. To save Nathanā€™s life, his body having gone into the stasis like coma from this injuries for almost five years, Dr. B a genius in his own right with cybernetics and every field that they were linked to, replaced what couldnā€™t be saved with cybernetics. Nathanā€™s entire left arm, his left chest and upper-left abdomen and his left eye were all replaced with techno-organic replacements. All of Dr. Bā€™s research and creation went into what would become a breakthrough for the field of human/cybernetic combination for multiple years to come.

Nathanā€™s new body parts give him enhanced physical abilities, along with being able to see within almost every spectrum. He can interface with almost any machinery at will, though when he first began to do this it was an awful disaster to say the least. Housed inside of his techno-organic left arm is a special combat blade created by Dr. B, which holds a monomolecular edge and an almost indestructible blade. However, due to the damage caused to his body, some of the implants were lost and the effects of the serum were reduced to half of what they were when he was in perfect condition.

******************************************************

Alright. Its a bit of an odd way to start a new topic and post, but I've searched the whole forum and really couldn't find a better spot for this then here. This is my character Nathan Ciaphas. I wrote up a sort of bio/character sheet combo here. It holds some of his backstory (not super detailed) and some of his abilities/powers. I was just wondering if I could get some creative and positive feedback and opinions on this character. He is meant for a science fiction based roleplay (not in one yet but if I find one I like he'd be the character I'd use) and thus gives me a bit of free rain over what would be possible and what wouldn't. I thank all those that decide to give me their creative and positive feedback and opinions.

Thank You!

Zman
All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost;
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.


"Heroes Die. Legends Endure!"

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Zman
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Re: Character Help

Tips: 0.00 INK Postby UnderINK on Mon Jun 07, 2010 11:13 am

The writing: The actual physical writing is a little choppy. There are some misspellings (using 'to' where 'too' is needed), redundancies (constantly, and constant in the same sentence), and other quirks that could be adjusted.

The character/bio: Up until you mention his limbs being blown apart and being replaced with techno-organic material, the majority of the biography reminds me of the story of Wolverine---or any other 'super soldier' or meta-human story. The character itself is a little stereotypical in that sense, quite overdone. That doesn't mean that it can't be saved, though. I appreciated that you at least seemed to know what you were talking about (I would have liked more specifics in the background, i.e.: before the super soldier experiment, what EXACTLY he did with his abilities, etc). The character is fine, so long as you make him in-depth and complex enough to be appreciated beyond his super-soldier makeup. Give him a very interesting back story before the project to make people sympathize with him beyond that. If you can keep him unique, with a unique pre-story, and a unique job or conflict, then you can overstep that stereotypical fence you're riding on and overcome it to make a more memorable character.

Good luck. ;)
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ā€¢civilization begins with order, grows with liberty and dies with chaosā€¢

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Without Absolution- a civilization on the brink of destruction

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