My fortune cookie predicts disturbing news...

Well, some startling news from an online fortune cookie has scared the living shit out of me and I fear it may cause me to inflict some serious damage on on a zombie which is very ironic considering I shouldn't feel bad for it, seeing as its dead and all.

BUT THIS IS JUST FUCKING DISPICABLE!

Alucroas: Shikamaru: Fortune cookie
Shikamaru: Alucroas, your fortune cookie says: You will be stalked by the zombie of crazed aussie wildlife expert Steve Irwin this week. Lucky Number: 2223.71286488

WHAT THE FUCK!

What monster would go so far as to even allow something like that to be in a data base while he's around. What are they trying to get me to go their house and shoot them in the face? I certainly think so.

I mean c'mon the guy just died from having the friendliest creature known to man impaling him with his stinger at the end of his tail. Alucroas is known for that sort of thing using the dagger shaped bone at the end of his tail, which we've all seen him do, don't fucking deny it. Imagine what would happen if Steve Irwin went so far as to mess with Alucroas, I mean he's just not going to win. Sure he'll get mass respect for dealing with a dragon-alien hybrid, but still.

I don't want to fuck up his already most likely fucked up looking corpse. I don't want to bleed acidic blood all over him and watch as he erodes away into the soil whilst Alu drags his claws through him and starts to consume Steve Irwin as he attempts to coagulate inside his stomach and manifest into an insane berserker

I'm sure somewhere there's going to be some bastard jumping for joy right now as Steve attempts to shove his thumb up Alu's ass, eating his fucking popcorn, watching anxiously on television, hoping he succeeds and if he doesn't, have a gun pointed to his head because life is no longer living.

You know this reminds me of the time where Kouketsu and Matthias created a bunch of pink female Alucroas' in hopes that I'd actually fuck them all. Now that I look back on that moment, I'm starting to think I should've banged them all like there was tomorrow so I could establish a race of these beasts to all beat the living shit out of every single wild life expert out there. Especially the Krat Brothers or however you spell those bastard's names, with their goddamned zaboomabitch. At least Jeff Corwin wasn't a fruit like those homosexual twin incest loving fuck nuts.

What if Alucroas turned into Alutrosity because that bastard pissed him off. It'd be like resident evil except with a giant raging hideous Alutrosity rampaging around, using zombies as baseball bats (Which he would do if he got them to use what little brains they had to construct a giant zombie bat.)

This might as well be The Incredible Hulk Ultimate Destruction where you get to run around in San Francisco grabbing a bunch of crazy idiots and ripping them apart, throwing them at people, using your atomic slam or sonic clap on them.

So all in all I'm just going to sit by and plot my revenge against the bastard who just single handedly ruined a great Chinese snack which can predict your future, and decided to defile it's name by giving me something like this. Now whenever I look at fortune cookies I can think "Great maybe Bruce Lee was a fake, and maybe it just the shockwaves of air coming out that punched his opponent in the face, or that Jackie Chan can't turn a jacket into a lethal weapon capable of mass death when wielded in the right hands, or that Jet Li and DMX really aren't friends and that he's just some punk ass who likes to play in movies affiliated with gang violence and occasionally his own heritage.

This is fucking dispicable....I can't believe someone made a bot to actually say such obscene things. I hope he knows he just caused the motherfucking apocalypse. Nice going dipshit. I hope you rot in Hell, you sick fuck.

???

So, what does an online fortune cookie taste like, exactly? ???