Poetry Competition

Ellien · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Ellien** on Sat Oct 03, 2009 2:47 pm

Ellien - Part of the job.
: It's a man, baby! Gosh, cross-dressing is creepy. Are you insinuating that was the only gainful employment available?

I was tempted to post up what it's actually about but felt it might ruin anyones interpretation of it. It's about a man who's caught in poverty and the corperate world of being a glove puppet. He's trapped in being these rich business mens entertainment as they watch him squirm in discontent and being a father who's trying to support hsi famaly. The point in the 'chorus' sections are that he can't tell anyone whats happening because he'd be faced with embarrissment and disbelief that anyone would stoop so low.

It's not that it was the only employment available, it was that it provided him with money to support hsi family, but by the time he had the guts to step away from it all, he was so wound up in the world of rich men in suits with their scotch on the rocks and the power they had over him he couldn't actually do it. And I agree it is a little creepy, it's not something which people WANT to see or read about, but sometiems something a little contriversial can be good.

Forensic_Anthro · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Forensic_Anthro** on Sun Oct 04, 2009 1:48 am

I was wondering, Circ, could I perhaps send you a message with another of my poems, which is one of my recent, rather long ones, and get your view on it?

Sky Harper · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Sky Harper** on Sun Oct 04, 2009 2:15 am

Thank you for your comment on my poem. One question, though. How was it awkward? Not saying that it's not, but just wondering how you thought so. Thanks! :]

Maestro · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Maestro** on Sun Oct 04, 2009 7:06 am

Congratulations to all the winners! And Sonata, I knew you had it in you.

It's a shame I didn't get to join because I'm quite a poet myself, unfortunately I didn't really pay much attention to this thread and by the time I fully realized it was there, it was closed. Isn’t irony a bitch? :cry:

- Near

Circ · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Circ** on Sun Oct 04, 2009 9:08 am

Ellien wrote:...

I was tempted to post up what it's actually about but felt it might ruin anyones interpretation of it.

While I do agree with you in some respects, in terms of a competition, any additional context or information you can provide is helpful. What you don't want is the judge to read it and miss out on all the details or have the point escape them entirely. I find the same is true outside of contests, too: the more you know about the poet's life, for example, the more meaningful their poems become. Examples of this are Ginsberg, Solomon, and Whitman.

Forensic_Anthro wrote:I was wondering, Circ, could I perhaps send you a message with another of my poems, which is one of my recent, rather long ones, and get your view on it?

Go for it.

Sky Harper wrote:Thank you for your comment on my poem. One question, though. How was it awkward? Not saying that it's not, but just wondering how you thought so. Thanks! :]

There is a certain rhythm to your poem that felt like it was getting disrupted in places, like verse five, line one - the "and" and the "all" just tarnish the flow. Also, the terminology you used ended up being missed opportunities for what could've been more reminiscent of the sea. For example, in verse three, line four, you use the word growing instead of swelling. Details like that disrupted the mood and created what I described as an awkward impression.

Sky Harper · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Sky Harper** on Sun Oct 04, 2009 2:28 pm

Okay, thank you so much for your feedback! It really does help a lot!

Stairdweller · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Stairdweller** on Sat Oct 17, 2009 5:38 pm

Congratulations to all the winners of this contest, and good job to everyone who entered. It's takes guts to post something as personal as some of the poetry I read here up for everyone to see. Very Sylvia Plath.

Circ - I agree with you about the first eight lines being more forced - I think it's because when I wrote the poem, I felt that the core of the message was in the sestet, not the octet. I went into writing this poem with the sestet already in mind, and created an octet to match it; probably not the best way to contruct a poem. Ah well. It's still something of a work in progress, and I expect to have another draft of it eventually. Would you mind taking a look at it when I do?

As for the one star, I suspect it comes from either the length, or the fact that my "guided tour" probably came across as somewhat pretentious. We are what we are, I guess. Ha-ah.

Laborday9 · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Laborday9** on Sat Nov 14, 2009 6:46 pm

Wow the poetry here was really good.

Poetry Competition

a topic in Poetry, a part of the RPG forum.

Re: Poetry Competition

Re: Poetry Competition

Re: Poetry Competition

Re: Poetry Competition

Re: Poetry Competition

Re: Poetry Competition

Re: Poetry Competition

Re: Poetry Competition

Post a reply

Make a Donation

Who is online