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i can't hatex the ones who made me
when the party's over - billie eilish
bite my tongue (feat oli sykes) - you me at six
the kill - thirty seconds to mars
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F U L LXN A M E
James Markus Blackburn
N I C K N A M E (S)
Jamie
B I R T H D A Y
September 21
A G E
25
S E X U A L I T Y
Closeted bisexual
E T H N I C I T Y
White American
H O M E T O W N
New York City
H E X
#177245.
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Jamie was the guy that every girl wanted to date and every guy wanted to be friends with. He was apparently friends with everyone, the type of guy that could move between social groups with ease and grace. But he was always drawn to the weird kids, the ones who didn't quite fit anywhere else. They were the ones that felt almost like a family. A severely dysfunctional one at times, but he always felt at home with them. There was no pressure to be anyone he wasn't. He could mess up, and they'd just laugh and discuss how they had also messed up.
He was academically bright, and a star athlete, and that put a lot of pressure on him. He felt he had to keep up the act of the perfect son. Get good grades, win the next meet, go to church on Sundays, make his parents proud. He was afraid that partying would disappoint his parents, but they honestly didn't care. He was still that perfect son in their eyes, which just made the pressure worse. He knew what would disappoint them the most, and it wasn't him getting drunk or occasionally smoking weed. He knew that coming out as bisexual would be what finally ruined his relationship with them. So he just never did. He buried that part of him.
Despite appearing as the perfect son, the perfect friend, he was far from perfect. He had a tendency to lash out and hurt the people closest to him if they tried interfering in his life for fear they'd ruin it. He worked too hard and refused any help. He prioritised his image over his friendships, above everything. So when his friends got themselves into trouble, he walked away from them, not wanting to risk them destroying his perfect image. All he wanted was to be the perfect person everyone thought he was, no matter what the cost.
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H I S T O R I A
From the outside, everything about his life seemed... perfect. His parents adored him. He was always a happy kid, an only child who never could have asked for anything. His parents made sure he never wanted for anything, but also made sure he was never spoiled. He went to church every Sunday and he was the seemingly angelic kid, never causing any problems. He always felt there was something a little different about him, but never quite knew what.
When he hit puberty, though, it became too obvious for him to ignore. His parents weren't outrageously homophobic, but they always said they would pray for their souls. He felt like he'd be a disappointment to them if he dated a guy, and that it might be what destroyed their relationship. He wanted to give them an excuse to hate him and started staying out late, going to parties, getting drunk. But his grades were still good and his habit of running when he was stressed meant that he was still doing well in track, so they just told him to stay safe. No matter what he did, it felt like he couldn't disappoint them. So he swore he would never disappoint them, stayed throwing amazing parties, stayed doing well, stayed being the angelic son he was. And when his friend group started to fall apart because of their personal problems, Jamie walked away from them and went to Harvard.
But walking away from his friends left a void in his soul he could never fill. The friends he made in college came close, but they weren't those messy kids he'd called his family once. He trained as a teacher and went back to New York to teach in his old school, moving in to his own apartment, stayed going to church. But he was lonely. So he got in contact with those old friends, and invited them back for one more party. To tie up loose ends, he told himself.
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