Below are a few things I found in my initial review of the first few sentences of your story. If you wish, I can do a review of the work in its entirety.
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"So many millenia's of torment, despair and darkness."--there is so much for me to say regarding this tiny, eight-word-long sentence:
millennia is spelled wrong, and in its plural form is written
millennium; that apostrophe does not belong! and if you don't believe me, see if "so many car's of torment" or "so many crabapple tree's of torment" makes sense; and add an finite verb to your
sentence, as it is currently just a thought trailing off to nowheresville.
"Having the ability to molest innocent children while forcing their families to watch, simply unable to do anything."--this sentence lacks an object.
"Bleeding out the weak minded almost to the brink of death, then let them rise from the torment only to do it again and again."--this sentence lacks an object.
In this =>"distinct pleasure to their constant suffering"<= sentence,
to should be
in.
In this =>"But over the recent years, her blood-thirsty reign had slowly began to fade."<= sentence,
began should be
begun, and
But should be omitted.
"[...] she showed no remorse for anything ranked below her status."--what status is that?