My little verses :)

Colonel_Masters · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Colonel_Masters** on Sun Aug 05, 2012 10:42 pm

I am considering posting here little stories and ideas i come up with now and then. This one i may make into an RP but i originally wrote it when i saw a crow looking down at me with eyes which seemed to display anger and a warning, he then flapped his wings and at that moment my mind filled with hundreds of ideas and thoughts, i closed my eyes for a second and he was gone as if he was never there. This was a dream i think, or the normal case of my imagination playing around with me. It would be nice to get some feedback!

"The hatchling asked: what are the strange ruins near our forest, what are the many fragments on the soil, what are the symbols carved in stone and iron, what are the strange wingless skeletons we so often find?"

"to the child said the Elder: the strange ruins are the remains of the age of Dread, the many fragments on the soil are the many sins committed, the symbols carved in stone and iron are words of arrogance and corruption, the strange wingless skeletons is the fate of the doomed; they where born without wings as the gods commanded but they did not accept their nature.

They wanted to fly like we the chosen of the gods fly, they tried to reach the skies as we chosen of the gods do, they chose to fly in defiance of the gods and so did they fall in defiance of the gods."

"The hatchling asked: but they flew did they not? Why did they fall? Did the gods cast them down?"

"The Elder said: they did fly, using their arrogance. They flew in the air not feeling Ero's grace, not knowing Sol's blessings, not seeing their own arrogance.

They lived with no harmony and died denying the gods until the end.
They did not accept their bodies, they could not accept their lives and they would not accept their deaths.

And so they stole from Taros his metals his stone, from Gaia her woods her bone, from Ran his waves and sons, from Ero his breath and lungs.

They praised Dread god of fire and let his flames eat all that was good and pure.
Their arrogance knew no bounds, they believed they could rule Dread as a slave and for years they so did and Dread waited to be unleashed.

The doomed never could live in harmony they saw each other as pray and so they told Dread to unleash a fire brighter then the light of Sol but it was they he would slay.
His fire burned all creation asunder and then he vanished and all the doomed where slain."

"The hatchling asked: how did we live and survive Dread?
The Elder said: we flew into the air and waited, many of us died but those who knew true flight with the grace and harmony of the gods were saved from the Dread."

-, Scroll of remembrance, third verse.

ViceVersus · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **ViceVersus** on Fri Sep 21, 2012 7:48 am

Really love this little blurb. The format of the hatchling and the Elder invites the reader to imagine what the rest of the "scroll" was like. One thing I love about animal fantasy (that sounds odd to say) is when there is such lore, and the creatures are given a distinct culture. It's great. I get that sense, here.

Very clever structure, I must say. It reads just like you'd expect a storyteller or a prophet to recount things.

Thanks for sharing!

The Afterman · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **The Afterman** on Sat Sep 22, 2012 1:42 pm

This is a very deep and, very much so, haunting piece of prose you have here. I found myself involved, thinking "Yes, that's us to the letter." I can't begin to fathom how you so artfully pieced this together, but I must applaud you on it for it would feel wrong not to do so. This story is very cryptic and foreboding, and it sticks to me. I did noticed a few grammatical errors (there were some places I noticed that would do well with a comma), but none that kept me from enjoying the story.

Looking at this, I am just amazed at your imagination. I hope there will be more of this story in the near future, because this is a very chilling story and I love that fact. Nice work.

Colonel_Masters · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Colonel_Masters** on Sat Sep 22, 2012 5:04 pm

I thank you for your comments, some time has passed since i posted this and i did not expect to get any but i guess thats how the writing section works.

Like many other materials I write I do not know if I will expand this verse however the Idea of this verse is one I enjoy thinking about and I expect I will write other materials of a similar nature in the future.

DerpyDinoBoii · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **DerpyDinoBoii** on Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:34 am

It's so cute. o:

My little verses :)

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