Untouched Islands

Seirei · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Seirei** on Thu Oct 11, 2012 6:55 pm

Aranea is four syllables, no?

Anyway, Shree sounds fine. It'd have to fit the character, though. It does make me think of a shrubbery without the rubber. Or a female tree.

And Adantas - Erin is neat, I don't doubt she'll be accepted soon. (Though I must confess subjective terms like 'sexy body' stood out a bit, eye of the beholder and all that.)

[Edits because I can apparently no longer spell.]

Lifecharacter · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Lifecharacter** on Thu Oct 11, 2012 7:03 pm

I've never been good with syllables. I assumed it went Ara-nea, but it could easily be Ar-a-ne-a.

Adantas · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Adantas** on Thu Oct 11, 2012 7:17 pm

God! Did I really put that? I don't remember, it was late and I really wanted to finish it so I didn't do a reread when I submitted. Bit of a bad idea that :P So I just adjusted it slightly.

Seirei · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Seirei** on Thu Oct 11, 2012 8:29 pm

Hah, I know the feeling. Late hours do horrible things to writing. But it wasn't the use of 'sexy' that stood out - the 'appealing' you replaced it with is just as subjective. Let me try to explain.

The point I was trying to make was this: 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder'. For example, I can imagine that a Jormungand character might consider every humanoid an ugly, strange-furred monkey, far from attractive. However, Erin's profile factually states that she is, indeed, appealing. You see the contradiction.

Compare how some people describe their character with the phrase "stands out in a crowd". I'm sure you've seen it on a profile or two. If one character is stated to always, undeniably, stand out, it means the other players are forced to play lesser roles, if the story is to remain truthful to the profiles. One could probably get away with it in writing, but not roleplay.

In short, ｓtanding out in a crowd depends on that crowd - never on one character. The writing adage of 'showing, not telling' heavily applies.

Just some constructive comments (I'm loath to call it criticism cause it isn't really), feel free to return in kind. I'd be grateful for it, even.

To completely change the subject, was the giant father really eight years old? Giants are stated to have a life expectancy equal to that of humans minus 15, I doubt they've even gone through puberty at eight. Did you misread it as a lifespan of 15 years total?

furiousfeather · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **furiousfeather** on Thu Oct 11, 2012 9:23 pm

Alright guys I posted. Sorry it took so long.

Adantas · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Adantas** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 1:05 am

Ahh! I see what you mean, I didn't understand at first but thanks for the explanation, I'll keep that in mind.

Also, huh? The father wasn't eight, Erin was eight. I must have structured that sentence very poorly if you came away thinking that. That's it, I'm going to go through her character sheet properly this time!!!

Abrielle · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Abrielle** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 1:07 am

Long post is long. Forgive me, people. -_-

Alexander Hamilton · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Alexander Hamilton** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 2:11 am

I've had a rough week. Sorry for my lack of presence. Classes are over for the week so I've got a bunch of time over the next few days. I'll get those characters looked over and those messages answered. Sorry again for the delay.

Seirei · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Seirei** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 5:02 am

Did I misread a she for a he or something? In my defense, it was past 3 AM for me ^^

Also: fantastic posts guys, no need to apologise whatsoever. It's been a long time since I've been privileged to be in a RP with such talented writers.

TheChaplain · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **TheChaplain** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 11:07 am

Okay, just finished reading intro and character bios, and I have decided that I need to try to get in on this epicness.

If possible I would like to reserve an explorer slot. I'm thinking a young guy who was a stowaway on the ship, a smart ass hood rat, dead shot with a compound bow. Big sense of adventure, bigger ego. That sorta thing.

Abrielle · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Abrielle** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 11:53 am

That sounds like an interesting character idea to me, actually.

Alex has promised to be around and accept more characters this weekend, so I think you should give it a shot!

Lifecharacter · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Lifecharacter** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 1:52 pm

Would there be an actual reason why he is a dead shot with a bow? Poor hood rats don't necessarily get great archery training, or the time to practice on their own, or access to good weapons.

Seirei · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Seirei** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 2:37 pm

I have to agree with Life. A bow is an unwieldy thing to carry when you're trying to stow away on a ship. (And if he lived out on the streets, the bow would have been stolen and pawned in a heartbeat.)

It takes years of training to learn how to shoot a longbow, and an archer has to be fully grown to draw an adult-sized one. Crossbows are easier, assuming the draw weight is not too high. Both would be expensive, though. Nobody In Particular's character Corinne is mentioned to carry a crossbow - maybe you could arrange something together?

Corinne spent some measure of time in the hold of the ship, so the two characters might have met and befriended each other. Since Corinne is an engineer, so she would have been able to toss together a crossbow. Or perhaps your character just stole a bow from her (or a different member of the crew), which may provide more interesting dynamics once the explorers find him.

Or you give up the bow entirely - I doubt it's what will make or break your character. I recognise it's a cool staple of rogue-like characters, but realistically, it's quite a difficult discipline. Being good at fighting from many street brawls will probably make for more interesting combat, should it come to that.

TheChaplain · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **TheChaplain** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 3:51 pm

Character submitted, and yes, as an archer myself I know all about the costs and discipline of Archery, and addressed them in the submission, he doesn't own a bow and hasn't picked up one in a while, so while he knows how to use one, he would need some time to get zeroed in on his ideal draw weight. Also, I hadn't thought of stealing long-term-use equipment from other characters... That would make for an interesting scenario indeed.

CussingChild · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **CussingChild** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 4:26 pm

Bows are fun. So long as they're not all tricked out with lame sights and everything. Anyways, will be posting tonight.

Seirei · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Seirei** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 5:16 pm

Huzzah! Computer all fixed, Cussing?

And Chaplain - neat character. Wardrobe seems a bit modern for the setting (printed t-shirts in Steampunk?) but that's just a detail. I'd fix the spelling and punctuation in the writing sample though, our GM values it highly.

Dementedness · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Dementedness** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 5:27 pm

Since I haven't been called back on my character, I guess it got refused. Oh well, I guess the momentary hope I had was fun. (^ w^)/

TheChaplain · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **TheChaplain** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 5:59 pm

Will do! And I will change it to something more appropriate... Posting from iPhone is not ideal for spell check... Lol, usually I'm more worried about auto-correct adding something rediculous.

*edit: updated, because who doesn't like bowlers?!

...also I do plan on posting a picture as soon as I get home... Hopefully around the 27th if the character survives/gets accepted.

Lifecharacter · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Lifecharacter** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 6:37 pm

So are you going to be using your iPhone to do everything between now and the 27th?

Also, I finally got my post up.

TheChaplain · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **TheChaplain** on Fri Oct 12, 2012 7:04 pm

Unfortunately yes, thus is the life of a carnie, but last fair of the season, so YAY!

Untouched Islands

a part of “Untouched Islands”, a fictional universe by Alexander Hamilton.

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