Student Interviews

[Victorant]

Is there a person of the same sex who you’d like to hitch with?

Rocco: Huh? Weird question. You know I'm into girls.
Me: Eh just curious what your preference would be if you leaned that way.
Rocco: Hm someone I could tease and know.. ohh Akira from basketball club.
Me: ......
Rocco: it would make every club meeting interesting.
Me: ......
Rocco: Why aren't you saying anything?

[QυεεηAмoroυs]

Yuuki: ....I.... don’t think I can answer this question.
Me: Just name a girl you’d like to hook up with if you HAD TO.
Yuuki: ....Devone.
Me: I didn’t see that coming.... how?


Mao: I’d hook up with any of them if I had to.
Me: .....Really? Seriously Mao!?
Mao: It’s natural to experiment. What’s the issue?
Me: You can’t be a loose cannon! Have standards!
Mao: Nah. If they’re game, I’d give it a shot once. Kissing girls doesn’t sound so bad. It’s not my preference but I am willing to try new things.
Me: Pick ONE!
Mao: I don’t really know girls that well yet...
Me: I give up...

[Victorant]

Q. What superpower would your character want? VS. What superpower do you think they would actually obtain?
You can also name superheroes as examples.

[HolyJunkie]

INT. JOHNNY’S apartment. JOHNNY is resting on his bed after a hard day’s practice. JOHNNY is jolted awake upon the sound of shattering glass.
JOHNNY: A burglar!
JOHNNY rushes out the bedroom door, rearing to strike fast at the fool dumb enough to pull such a stunt. However, when he arrived at the living room, he sees that there is only one man sitting under the Kotetsu.
TALK SHOW ENTITY: *does the Fonz pose* Ayyyyyy!
JOHNNY: How the hell do you know where I live?
TSE: :)
JOHNNY: Are you trying to rob me? You realise that means I gotta beat the shit out of you, right?
TSE: Mr. Farelli *he laughs sheepishly* I’m not here to rob you. In fact, I’ve already got a guy here to replace your window! No, I’m here with a question!
JOHNNY glances at the broken window, where the CAMERAMAN is holding up a replacement window with his free hand. It appears they got into the apartment via a window cleaner’s lift.
JOHNNY: If you just wanted that, you could’ve texted me. That’d have gotten you the cheapest answer.
TSE: Not as fun! Anyway, What kind of superpower do you want, and what kind of superpower do you think you’d obtain?
JOHNNY: … I’m surprised.
TSE: Why’s that?
JOHNNY: I thought it’d be something creepy, like asking me what girl in the school I’d date or something.
TSE: Johnny Johnny Johnny Johnny Johnny. You wound me! Do you really think I’m a perver-
JOHNNY: *flatly* Yes.
TSE’s eyes well up in tears.
TSE: B-b-b-but… I thought we were friends, Johnny! Don’t you want friends?
JOHNNY: I can do without one, at least.
TSE: :(
JOHNNY: *sighs* Well, I guess super speed would be natural. I’m already really fast on my feet. As for the power I want…
TSE: *muttering*[i] please say invisibility. please say invisibility. please say invisibility.
JOHNNY: Being able to turn into water, like Alex Mack.
TSE: …
JOHNNY: Also I heard you saying that stuff about invisibility. I’m not like y-
[i]TSE hurriedly stands up from the Kotetsu and rushes to a nearby calender. He starts mumbling numbers to himself.
TSE: How the fuck do you know about Alex Mack? You weren’t even born yet!
JOHNNY: Whoa, are you okay?
TSE: *visibly outraged, sputtering utter nonsense.*
JOHNNY: *to CAMERAMAN* Is he okay?
CAMERAMAN shrugs.
JOHNNY: O-o-okay, I’m a growing boy who needs his rest, so let’s get you outta heea.

[QυεεηAмoroυs]

Question: Tell the story of your first kiss, OR if you haven't had yours, who would you like it to be with?

Mao: ......I pass.
Yuuki: Yeah, me too. I'm not answering this.
Me: What the hell guys? You can't pass on our own question!
Mao: You came up with it, not us.
Me: Yes, we all did, because I came up with both of you as well.
Yuuki: ....That's a strong argument.
Mao: Who's side are you on?
Yuuki: If I side with you am I exempt from answering?
Me: No. You both have to answer!
Yuuki: *sigh* I haven't had mine, and I'm not sure who I'd like to have it with... I just want it to be sincere.
Mao: I don't care who I have it with, as long as they're not looking for anything serious and don't pry into my life too much. Bonus points if they're hot.
Me: You're supposed to actually NAME someone you know....
Mao: I don't know enough people to name anyone... I only know the swim captain and hentai-san (Chase). Neither are opposable, but it would be embarrassing. I see them too often.
Yuuki: I would assume Harigae-san knows what he is doing well enough...but that would make things extra complicated.... perhaps one day after graduation...
Me: What about Rocco? *wiggles brows*
Yuuki: ......I do not wish to open those floodgates.... He is out of control.
Me: All boys are. You think Sora wouldn't get feelsy too? *snicker*

[HolyJunkie]

JOHNNY is walking down da street, minding his own business. Suddenly, TALK SHOW ENTITY smashes through a shop window to face-plant and roll across the asphalt. JOHNNY pauses only for a moment out of concern before realising who exactly performed the dangerous stunt. JOHNNY then begins to run.
TALK SHOW ENTITY: *whilst bleeding, with shards of glass piercing his flesh in multiple areas* Wait!
JOHNNY: Go to a hospital, dude!
TSE: If you call me an ambulance, would you at least answer me a question?
JOHNNY produces his phone and immediately begins to dial up.
TSE: Wow, I didn’t think that sounded like a legitimate deal.
JOHNNY: Nah, I just couldn’t live with myself if I let you bleed out, man.
TSE waits for JOHNNY to finish the emergency call.
JOHNNY: Alright, they’ll be here in three.
TSE: Great! Now here’s my question! Tell the story of your first kiss, OR if you hadn’t had yours, who you’d like it to be.
JOHNNY: …
TSE: *still bleeding all over the ground* Guy’s gotta have priorities, bro!
JOHNNY: I’d rather not talk about my first kiss.
TSE: What about who you’d first kiss out of the cast?
JOHNNY: Hhhh…
TSE: Why did you wheeze?
JOHNNY: Look, I’m really just wasting time so I won’t need to answer you.
TSE: Answer the question, dawg! Answer it, my man!
JOHNNY: hhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh
TSE: How are you making that sound?
JOHNNY: I know how to pull off screamo vocals, high and low.
TSE: *raises a hand, then lowers it slowly*
JOHNNY: Probably Gen-chan, though…
TSE: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
JOHNNY: Whoa, you okay?
TSE: I’M EXCITED FOR SOLID INTEL ON THESE BUDDING YOUNG COUPLES!! AND ALSO THE STINGING PAIN OF ALL THESE CUTS JUST STARTED!!

[HolyJunkie]

TALK SHOW ENTITY INTERVIEWS JOHNNY

Spoiler: show

INT. COLLEGE AUDITORIUM - JOHNNY is listening in on a public showcase of post-secondary education in his free time, looking to determine what sort of extended education he would like to go for. All of a sudden, a lasso drops over him and tightens over his torso and arms.
JOHNNY: What the-
JOHNNY is dragged out of his seat, much to the dull surprise of many people. Needless to say, the showcase has been interrupted. JOHNNY is dragged out the door, where it is revealed that TALK SHOW ENTITY and the CAMERAMAN were the ones pulling the lasso… by using a winch connected to a big truck.
JOHNNY: How did you get that truck in there?
TALK SHOW ENTITY: I’ll be the one asking the questions here, thank you!
JOHNNY notices a big hole among the multiple double-doors of the main entrance, with shattered tempered glass everywhere along the floor.
JOHNNY: This is kinda crazy, dude.
TSE: Duly noted. Anyway, how is your sex life?
JOHNNY: …
TSE: Tell me now, or immediately if you prefer.
JOHNNY: Non-existent.
TSE: Don’t bullshit me, Johnny.
CAMERAMAN: Yeah, don’t bullshit him, Carl!
JOHNNY and TSE stare at CAMERAMAN.
CAMERAMAN: Really? No one gets the reference? … God I’m old…
TSE: Anyway, *to JOHNNY* Look at you, kid. You got the bod. You got the eyes. You got the looks. You got the music. You got work ahead of you. Every girl’s crazy for a rock star.
JOHNNY: Actually, every girl’s crazy for a sharp-dressed man.
TSE: Damnit, kid, this is no time for references! TELL ME YOUR SIZE!
JOHNNY: Dude… classified.
TSE: Why? Is it sma-
JOHNNY: It’s just common decency.
TSE stares into JOHNNY’s eyes.
JOHNNY: Fine, it’s small.
TSE: … You’re lying.
JOHNNY: *eyes narrow* How would you know?
TSE: You’re adapting to my perverse prying and my unceasing hunger for controversy and scandal. You’ve figured out you could lie to me for the sake of making me go away faster with a wild, yet nonsensical and insignificant scandal- which I could easily sell to a tabloid zine for a phat stack. You, of all people, know that I function like a predator that vanishes after getting what I want, and thus you’ve become a skilled politician who knows how to handle the media in ways that secretly benefit you. I may be a tough reporter, but you… You’ve got true skill now. I couldn’t be more proud, my student.
JOHNNY: *Expression remains unchanged, although his skin does lose colour* … I’m worried about you.
TSE: So anyway Johnny, how do you feel about the recent fire business?
JOHNNY: … OH! Uh.. Yeah, that was pretty crazy stuff, man.
TSE: Yes indeed, what with you sweeping a girl off her feet.
JOHNNY: I didn’t even know Haruhi-chan was a girl until we got out of the smoke. When you’re this tall and fit, everyone else seems the same size and weight.
TSE: Kind of impressive that you managed to get in, grab the girl, and get out without taking a breath.
JOHNNY: I almost collapsed from it, actually. I really shouldn’t have taken that risk.
TSE: And yet… You’ve got a superhero complex. You can’t let people get hurt, not when you can reach them.
JOHNNY: … You’re really curt, you know that?
TSE: Comes with the job. Now then… Now that you know what Oppai means, what is your answer to Fuyu-chan’s question?
JOHNNY: First off, you don’t know her.
TSE: Not for lack of trying.
JOHNNY: Secondly, I’d rather answer her myself. I owe her that, at least.
TSE: Heh… I’m right. You are getting skillful.
JOHNNY: Up yours, ma-
TSE: IRREGARDLESS THE REAL QUESTION-
JOHNNY: That’s not a word, and also can I get back to my-
TSE: WHAT... got you into fitness?
JOHNNY: … A normal question?
TSE: Nah man, I’m actually curious. Getting a body like yours takes a lot of hard work. I don’t think anyone in the world could deny it.
JOHNNY: Well, it is hard work to get fit, and it’s hard work over a long period of time. Lotta guys tend to give up part-way through. Thing is, once you get to your goal, maintaining it is a lot easier. At that point, it’s just second-nature to jog, or do reps.
TSE: Do you think people who have attractive bodies tend to get arrogant?
JOHNNY: I think they can afford a little arrogance, because they worked hard to get there. It’s like when an egghead talks to me like I’m like… dumb and shit. It’s not fun to be talked down to, but they worked hard to get as smart as they are.
TSE: Would you say you talk down to people when you admit that they need a way to vent steam?
JOHNNY: I don’t think so.
TSE: Why’s that?
JOHNNY: Because I can read faces. I can tell they were frustrated. Even if they think I’m talking down to them, that just makes them target me all the more. It’s better I get hurt than someone like Gen-chan or Fuyu-chan.
TSE: Or someone who isn’t as tough as you.
JOHNNY: I worked hard for my body because I wanted the fitness to help people.
TSE: …
JOHNNY: What?
TSE: *tosses his notepad over his back* I can’t make bank off cheese like this. Fuggit! Let’s go get B-roll and report on how small he is.
TSE and CAMERAMAN leave JOHNNY alone, still tied-up, in the middle of the floor.
JOHNNY: … Uh, guys? I’m still tied up here….
Ten hours pass.
JOHNNY: Guys? … Guuuuyyys... Wait, I can break these ropes…
JOHNNY flexes, the relatively small ropes snap apart.
JOHNNY: Alright, I think I’ll see if anyone’s playing pool.
TSE suddenly appears behind JOHNNY.
JOHNNY: *wordless startled noise, may or may not include screaming*
TSE: I FORGOT SOMETHING!
JOHNNY: You forgot to untie me?
TSE: What? No, dumbass. I forgot to shove this giant survey directly into your face.
TSE shoves a giant survey directly into JOHNNY’s face.
JOHNNY: What’s your pro-
TSE is magically gone.
JOHNNY: … Alright, guess ima fill this out then… Let’s see…

JOHNNY'S ANSWERS

Spoiler: show

1. Last beverage:
Water
2. Last phone call:
Been a couple months, I think.
3. Last song you listened to:
Uptown Girl - Billy Joel
4. Last time you cried:
I’d rather not recall.
5. Have you dated someone twice:
Yes.
6. Have you ever been cheated on:
No.
7. Kissed someone & regretted it:
No.
8. Have you lost someone special:
…
9. What are your three favorite colors:
Green, silver, and purple
10. Met someone who changed you in the past month:
Yeah, I’d say so.
11. Kissed anyone on your friends list:
Which friends list?
12. How many kids do you want:
W-what???
13. Do you want any pets:
Oh, sure!
14. Do you want to change your name:
Nope.
15. What did you do for your last birthday:
I jammed with the Boyz.
16. What time did you wake up today:
Same as normal.
17. Name something you CANNOT wait for:
Can’t wait to really break out and become a rock star.
18. Last time you saw your mother:
A couple days now.
19. Most visited webpage:
What’s a webpage?
20. Nicknames:
Jay
21. Relationship status:
Single… I guess.
22. Zodiac sign:
[Author hasn't even thought of that.]
23. Male or female:
I’m a guy
24. Height:
6’4”
25. Do you have a crush on someone:
N-No… I’m pretty sure I don’t.
26. Piercings:
None.
27. Tattoos:
None.
28. Strong or Weak:
Supa fit, dawg!

FIRSTS

29. First kiss:
…
30. First best friend:
Avery
31. First sport you joined:
Baseball
32. First vacation:
Last summer, we got enough together for a road trip up to Oregon. Visited a ranch and other places. It’s the only one we’ve ever afforded.
33. First school:
[Author attempts to look up schools, but gives up in two minutes.]
34. First pair of trainers:
Don’t even remember, man. I went through so many.

WHICH IS BETTER

35. Lips or eyes:
Eyes.
36. Hugs or kisses:
W… Uh… Hugs. Huge are okay, right…?
37. Shorter or taller:
I dunno if preference means anything when there’s no choice.
38. Older or younger:
Either.
39. Romantic or spontaneous:
Whoo, that’s a tough one.
40. Sensitive or loud:
Get a girl that can do both.
41. Hook-up or relationship:
Relationship, just speaking from experience.
42. Shy or outgoing:
Shy’s cute.

HAVE YOU EVER

43. Kissed a stranger:
… Yes… It was by accident, though.
44. Gotten a speeding ticket:
Nope. No way I could afford it, so I didn’t try to get it.
45. Lost glasses/contacts:
My vision’s 20/20.
46. Sex on first date:
What?! No!
47. Broken someone’s heart:
I dunno.
48. Been arrested:
Nope.
49. Have you turned someone down:
Nope.
50. Fallen for a friend:
…
51. Moved out of town:
The road trip? I don’t think that counts.

BELIEVE IN

52. Miracles:
If unfortunate events can happen, miracles have to exist as well… right?
53. Love at first sight:
I think there’s something like that… But then again, what I said can be shortened to those few syllables.
54. Heaven:
I think I’d have to believe it, or else where do good people go when terrible things happen…?
55. Santa Claus:
Nope.
56. Kiss on the first date:
I didn’t before, but she… made the first move… damnit, stop shaking, hand…
57. Angels:
No.
58. Yourself:
I have no choice.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

59. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time?
No.
60. Been in love with someone you couldn’t be with?
No, though given the atmosphere in Airdalen, I have a bad feeling that’ll change.
61. Ever cheated on somebody?
No.
62. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?
I’d go back to the moment I’d never met…
63. Are you afraid of falling in love?
//// … yes…
64. Was your last relationship a mistake?
I don’t know.
65. Do you miss your last relationship?
Oh god yes.
66. Who did you last say “i love you” to?
In sign language… h…
67. Have you ever been depressed?
First time.
68. Are you insecure?
I didn’t think I could be before.
69. How do you want to die?
70. Do you bite your nails?
No.
71. When was your last physical fight?
Shit, that was last night, man.
72. Do you have an attitude?
I don’t think I do? [comically unaware of his patronizing way of speaking to people who feel they need to vent steam]
73. Twirl or cut your spaghetti?
Spaghetti’s kinda expensive, man.
74. Do you tan a lot?
Oh fo sho. I’m outdoors a lot.
75. Ever eaten food in a car while someone or you are driving?
Yep.
76. Ever made out in a bathroom?
What…? No.
77. Would you take any of your exes back?
… I’d save her… There’s nothing else I’d want.
78. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?
Yes.
79. What are your plans for this weekend?
Gonna get that gift together for Gen-chan.
80. Do you type fast?
I can type fast on my phone, but a computer keyboard… so many buttons… eugh…
81. Can you spell well?
Looking at these survey answers, I think so.
82: What are you craving right now?
Shortbread.
83. Have you ever been on a horse?
Yes.
84. Would you live with someone without marrying them?
I don’t see a problem with that.
85. What’s irritating you right now?
Who do you think?
86. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?
…
87. Does somebody love you?
Used to…
88. Have you ever changed clothes in a car?
Yes.
89. Milk chocolate or white chocolate?
White, although that’s expensive.
90. Do you have trust issues?
Nope!
91. Longest relationship?
Two years.
92: Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?
If she’s out there somewhere…
93. Have you ever walked outside in your PJs?
Technically, yes. My PJs consist of “my pants”
94. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?
I may not be a scientist, but even I know that this must be true.
95. Did you have dream last night?
Yeah, it was those guys, they were attacking someone. I couldn’t tell who it was, but it was a girl. I managed to stop them before I woke up.
96. Have you ever been out of state?
Dunno how this’d apply to the Japanese students, but in the context of America, yes.
97. Do you play the Wii?
What’s a Wii?
98. Do you like Chinese food?
Dude. Fried rice is the bomb!
99. Are you afraid of the dark?
Nah man.
100. Is cheating ever okay?
No, man. It’s not like your life depends on it. Have some sporting spirit.
101. What year has been your best?
The past two years… up until two months ago…
102. Do you believe in true love?
Once…
103. Favorite weather?
I don’t have a favourite for that, but I love singing and dancing in the rain.
104. Do you like the snow?
Absolutely! We didn’t get much of it in LA, but I love me a good snowball fight. I hope Tokyo gets more snow than we did.
105. Do you like the outside?
Hell yeah!
106. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?
Maybe not for me, but we had this one word in sign language that we- … *sigh*
107. Have you ever made out for more than a hour?
No.
108. What makes you happy?
Helping people.
109. Ever been to Alaska?
No.
110. Ever been to Hawaii?
No, though I want to, so I can play my uke with the big boyz.
111. Do you watch the news?
Sometimes.
112. Do you love MTV?
I wish they looked into the unknown and the obscure more like they did before. MTV nowadays is kinda weaksauce. ‘sides, that Youtube place is where it’s at for finding obscure artists.
113. Do you like subway?
I’ve been on the subways, yes…Unless you mean the food place? They’re good too.
114 Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
Emotional strain aside, yes.
115. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
Well that’s kinda what happened before.
116. Why did you decide to do this quiz?
Up yours, Talk Show Entity.
117. Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them?
No way, man. Don’t be a stranger!
118. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?
… Yeah…
119. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?
Gen-chan.
120. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Avery. I’m hoping to make some friends.
121. Ever bought condoms?
I still have them. Never used… I guess it… doesn’t hurt to be prepared…
122. Ever gotten pregnant?
I’m a guy, jackass.
123. Have you ever slipped on ice?
Yep. I tipped back up and slipped again. That was hilarious.
124 Have you ever missed the bus?
Never. I always caught up by running through the hood. Didn’t need to after getting my license.
125. Have you left the house without money?
Story of my life.
126. Have you ever smoked cigarettes?
Nope.
127. Have you ever smoked a cigar?
Nope.
128. Did you ever drink alcohol?
Yeah.
129. Did you ever watch “The Breakfast Club”?
Great movie! [Author hasn’t seen it]
130. Have you ever been overweight?
Nope.
131. Ever been to a wedding?
Once.
132. Ever been in a wedding?
Isn’t this the same ques… OH, you mean have I got married? No.
133. Have you ever been on the computer for 5 hours straight?
Not even for fifteen minutes, man.
134. Did you ever watch TV for 5 hours straight?
No way.
135. Ever kissed in the rain?
Yes.
136. Did you ever shower with someone else?
Nope.
137. Did you ever fail a driver’s test?
Nope. I aced it.
138. Ever been outside your home country?
… Duh!
139. Ever been on a road trip longer than 5 hours?
Yep.
140. Ever been to a professional sports game?
Yep, though I snuck in.
141. Have you ever broken a bone?
Too tough for that.
142. Did you ever win a trophy in your life?
Absolutely. I left them behind, though… The memories are painful now.
143. Ever get engaged?
… Well… There was a promise…
144. Have you ever been on a diet?
A diet I didn’t enjoy? Not really. I loved working hard for my body.
145. Have you ever been on TV?
Once. Some news folks caught us skating in the park. I did a sick trick for them.
146. Ever ridden in a taxi?
Nope.
147. Ever been to prom?
… No…
148. Ever stayed up for 24 hours or more?
That was a marathon run. I won at the end.
149 Have you ever been to a concert?
Snuck in.
150. Have you ever had a crush on someone at work?
Nope.
151. Have you ever been in a car accident?
Car crashed into our bus one time. I got everyone out of there.
152. Ever had braces?
Yep. Check these babies out. *flashes a perfect smile* They say I’m still growing, but my skull’s fully developed.
153. Did you ever learn another language?
Sign language.
154. Do you wear make-up?
Nope.
155. Did you ever have your wisdom teeth taken out?
Yeah. Braces came afterward.
156. Did you ever kiss someone a different race than yourself?
…
157. Ever dyed your hair?
Once, as a joke. It’s part of why my hair’s short now.
158. Did you ever wear someone else’s clothes?
Yeah, Accidentally ripped Avery’s shirt like the Hulk. That was hilarious.
159. Ever ridden in an ambulance?
…
160. Ever ridden in a helicopter?
No.
161. Ever caught the stove on fire?
Nope!
162. Ever meet someone famous?
Tsukiko counts now.
163. Ever been on an airplane?
Nope.
164. Ever been on a boat?
Yep. It’s how we got to Japan. We joined a freight boat for cheap passage so long as we did work aboard. I did work aboard.
165. Ever broken something expensive?
Nope.
166. Did you ever kiss someone before you were 14?
Change that to 15 and you got an answer.
167. Did you ever find something valuable on the ground?
Yep. Returned it, though.

TL;DR: BLANK SURVEY FOR YOU GUYS!!

Spoiler: show

1. Last beverage:

2. Last phone call:

3. Last song you listened to:

4. Last time you cried:

5. Have you dated someone twice:

6. Have you ever been cheated on:

7. Kissed someone & regretted it:

8. Have you lost someone special:

9. What are your three favorite colors:

10. Met someone who changed you in the past month:

11. Kissed anyone on your friends list:

12. How many kids do you want:

13. Do you want any pets:

14. Do you want to change your name:

15. What did you do for your last birthday:

16. What time did you wake up today:

17. Name something you CANNOT wait for:

18. Last time you saw your mother:

19. Most visited webpage:

20. Nicknames:

21. Relationship status:

22. Zodiac sign:

23. Male or female:

24. Height:

25. Do you have a crush on someone:

26. Piercings:

27. Tattoos:

28. Strong or Weak:

FIRSTS

29. First kiss:

30. First best friend:

31. First sport you joined:

32. First vacation:

33. First school:

34. First pair of trainers:

WHICH IS BETTER

35. Lips or eyes:

36. Hugs or kisses:

37. Shorter or taller:

38. Older or younger:

39. Romantic or spontaneous:

40. Sensitive or loud:

41. Hook-up or relationship:

42. Shy or outgoing:

HAVE YOU EVER

43. Kissed a stranger:

44. Gotten a speeding ticket:

45. Lost glasses/contacts:

46. Sex on first date:

47. Broken someone’s heart:

48. Been arrested:

49. Have you turned someone down:

50. Fallen for a friend:

51. Moved out of town:

BELIEVE IN

52. Miracles:

53. Love at first sight:

54. Heaven:

55. Santa Claus:

56. Kiss on the first date:

57. Angels:

58. Yourself:

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

59. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time?

60. Been in love with someone you couldn’t be with?

61. Ever cheated on somebody?

62. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?

63. Are you afraid of falling in love?

64. Was your last relationship a mistake?

65. Do you miss your last relationship?

66. Who did you last say “i love you” to?

67. Have you ever been depressed?

68. Are you insecure?

69. How do you want to die?

70. Do you bite your nails?

71. When was your last physical fight?

72. Do you have an attitude?

73. Twirl or cut your spaghetti?

74. Do you tan a lot?

75. Ever eaten food in a car while someone or you are driving?

76. Ever made out in a bathroom?

77. Would you take any of your exes back?

78. Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

79. What are your plans for this weekend?

80. Do you type fast?

81. Can you spell well?

82: What are you craving right now?

83. Have you ever been on a horse?

84. Would you live with someone without marrying them?

85. What’s irritating you right now?

86. Have you ever liked someone so much that it hurts?

87. Does somebody love you?

88. Have you ever changed clothes in a car?

89. Milk chocolate or white chocolate?

90. Do you have trust issues?

91. Longest relationship?

92: Do you believe your most recent ex thinks about you?

93. Have you ever walked outside in your PJs?

94. Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

95. Did you have dream last night?

96. Have you ever been out of state?

97. Do you play the Wii?

98. Do you like Chinese food?

99. Are you afraid of the dark?

100. Is cheating ever okay?

101. What year has been your best?

102. Do you believe in true love?

103. Favorite weather?

104. Do you like the snow?

105. Do you like the outside?

106. Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

107. Have you ever made out for more than a hour?

108. What makes you happy?
.
109. Ever been to Alaska?

110. Ever been to Hawaii?

111. Do you watch the news?

112. Do you love MTV?

113. Do you like subway?

114 Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

115. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

116. Why did you decide to do this quiz?

117. Have you ever seen someone you knew and purposely avoided them?

118. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

119. Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

120. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

121. Ever bought condoms?

122. Ever gotten pregnant?

123. Have you ever slipped on ice?

124 Have you ever missed the bus?

125. Have you left the house without money?

126. Have you ever smoked cigarettes?

127. Have you ever smoked a cigar?

128. Did you ever drink alcohol?

129. Did you ever watch “The Breakfast Club”?

130. Have you ever been overweight?

131. Ever been to a wedding?

132. Ever been in a wedding?

133. Have you ever been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

134. Did you ever watch TV for 5 hours straight?

135. Ever kissed in the rain?

136. Did you ever shower with someone else?

137. Did you ever fail a driver’s test?

138. Ever been outside your home country?

139. Ever been on a road trip longer than 5 hours?

140. Ever been to a professional sports game?

141. Have you ever broken a bone?

142. Did you ever win a trophy in your life?

143. Ever get engaged?

144. Have you ever been on a diet?

145. Have you ever been on TV?

146. Ever ridden in a taxi?

147. Ever been to prom?

148. Ever stayed up for 24 hours or more?

149 Have you ever been to a concert?

150. Have you ever had a crush on someone at work?

151. Have you ever been in a car accident?

152. Ever had braces?

153. Did you ever learn another language?

154. Do you wear make-up?

155. Did you ever have your wisdom teeth taken out?

156. Did you ever kiss someone a different race than yourself?

157. Ever dyed your hair?

158. Did you ever wear someone else’s clothes?

159. Ever ridden in an ambulance?

160. Ever ridden in a helicopter?

161. Ever caught the stove on fire?

162. Ever meet someone famous?

163. Ever been on an airplane?

164. Ever been on a boat?

165. Ever broken something expensive?

166. Did you ever kiss someone before you were 14?

167. Did you ever find something valuable on the ground?

Survey brought to you by KaelaKatastrophe

[HolyJunkie]

TALK SHOW ENTITY: Hey, have you ever done weed?
CAMERAMAN: Nah man.
TSE: Don’t buy from the guy at that van by the gas station. Nothin’ but skunk.
CAM: I never planned to try, man.
TSE: Why’s that?
CAM: Don’t need steady hands when this camera’s got dat shit built-in, na’am sayin? Plus the girlfriend hates the smell.
TSE: Eh, different strokes.
CAM: We spend friday nights doing meth anyway.
TSE: So anyway, we’ve got Johnny Farelli here.
*STOCK SOUND EFFECT OF GENERAL APPLAUSE. Johnny (JAY) ENTERS from STAGE-RIGHT*
TSE: Hey Johnny, have you ever done weed?
JAY: Nah man.
TSE: Don’t buy from the guy at that van by the gas station. Nothin’ but skunk.
JAY: I never really planned to.
TSE: Why’s that?
JAY: It just never interested me.
TSE: You’re a rare specimen. I’ve never met someone as unusual as you.
CAM: *ahem*
TSE: You need a drink of water, Cameraman? Break’s during commercial. Just cover your mouth at least or we’re all gonna catch it.
CAM: *rolls his eyes*
TSE: IN ANY CASE!! Jimmy.
JAY: Johnny.
TSE: Frankie, Whatever! I got a question for you.
JAY: Okay.
TSE: Can I ask my question?
JAY: That’s kind of the point of this, isn’t it?
TSE: Don’t give me any lip you little shit. Anyway, the question is “Have you ever thought about romancing your author?”
JAY: … My what?
TSE: Your author.
JAY: … what’s what?
TSE: The guy or girl- maybe they’re both- who wrote you. They’re the one who created you. Essentially they’re your god.
JAY: Why would I wanna hitch with something like that?
TSE: Here’s a picture of your author. *He hands JAY a photograph, heavily pixellated in post.
JAY: Shit, man. That’s a rough life.
TSE: Oh come on, he’s not that bad.
JAY: He looks like a Locust from Gears of War- a Locust reject.
TSE: Wha-
JAY: He looks like a white MC Ride.
TSE: Dafu-
JAY: He looks like his own car- as mulched in Grand Theft Auto.
TSE: Savage, man.
JAY: I learned about these video game references on the internet. Anyway, he looks like when he ran up to the garbage man and asked “Am I too late?” the garbage man said “No, hop in.”
TSE: Christ dude.
JAY: He looks like Sonic the hedgehog fanart.
TSE: Okay that’s too far.
JAY: yeah, you’re right.
TSE: *produces a large bottle of bourbon from his desk* Want some?
JAY: Still a minor.
TSE: More for me. *produces a glass, pours the glass, then starts chugging the bottle.*
JAY: Are you secretly my author?
TSE: Nope… but just out of interest, what gave you that impression?
JAY: You don’t bother anyone else.
TSE: Oh, I’m trying… I’m trying…
JAY: So any other questions that aren’t totally creepy?
TSE: Fo sho. Got any favourite bands?
JAY: Shit, I’ve listened to shitloads of different groups. Avery took his whole music collection and converted them to mp3. I got it all on my phone. Got everything from Aerosmith to ZZTop. Got Metallica, Death Grips, Bob Dylan, Rush, Buckethead, some Indian stuff from Bollywood movies. Even got some stuff from China, Japan, and Korea. I got some of Kitogawa-chan’s tunes on my phone too.
TSE: Paint it Black?
JAY: Rolling Stones.
TSE: Feuer Frei?
JAY: Rammstein.
TSE: … *taps desk, desk lamp, knees, and arm rests in a rhythm.
JAY: Stomp.
TSE: Shit that’s impressive.
JAY: C’mon, gimmie a hard one.
TSE: Okay, how about… Interstellar Overdrive?
JAY: Pink Floyd.
TSE: Bodak Yellow.
JAY: Cardi B.
TSE: Fuck.
JAY: Brotha, I’m from the hood.
TSE: Alright, here’s something video gamey. Bet you don’t know Scary Monsters and Nice Spr-
JAY: Skrillex.
TSE: What the actual fuck? How do you know all this?
JAY: It’s kinda what I focused on instead of school.
TSE: Man get outta here.
JAY: Sweet! Thanks! Peace!
TSE: Wait dammit no- Aaaand he’s gone. Damn he’s fast. *long beat. continues chugging the bourbon.*

[HolyJunkie]

Hey everybody! TSE here! Got a question for all of you!

You've been kidnapped and kept in an attic. This is an original concept.
Who do you think did it?

TSE: Today I've brought a special guest! It's Johnny Farelli, the most famous foreigner in Airdalen Academy!
JAY: First off, I'm not the most famous. Secondly, the answer to the question is you, because I'm literally chained up right now.
TSE: Yes, yes. But that doesn't necessarily mean I was the one who chained you up and brought you down to the studio so I can ask such an oddly conveniently relevant question.
JAY: ... That's exactly what it means!
TSE: Okay, okay. But let's try this again from the top. If you were captured and it wasn't me, who would you suspect?
JAY: The cameraman, under your orders.
CAM: I can't. The union prevents me from partaking in that sort of thing.
JAY: You're unionized?
CAM: It's mostly for the dental plan.
JAY: Nice.
TSE: You're missing the point. It's supposed to be you accusing one of your fellow students in the canon. Who do you suspect?
JAY: Hm... kinda hard to say... It'd be difficult to kidnap me 'cause of my size and all... I guess the only one who'd have any motive to do such a thing to a guy like me would be someone impacted by my presence in such a way that would encourage them to try to take me out of the public picture.
TSE: You're awfully calculated about this sort of thing.
JAY: Hey, it's a way to empathize with people. That said, I can't think of anything.
TSE: Well I can think of a couple of people. Devone and Tsukiko.
JAY: Why?
TSE: Well Devone could use some muscle, or at the very least to prevent muscle from being used against her, and Tsukiko strikes me as the kinda girl who would use a man like a personal tool.
JAY: ... Talk Show Entity, are you drooling?
TSE: Nope. Not at all.
JAY: ... Bro you're totally drooling!
TSE: That's just sweat. These stage lights are awfully hot, you know.
JAY: I don't believe you.

[HolyJunkie]

TALK SHOW ENTITY is sitting at the splintered ruins of his desk. He is leaning back, with a look on his face that screams "Those were great mushrooms". For nearly a minute after the broadcast began, he sits there, lightly and slowly rocking back and forth in his cheap plastic chair. All of a sudden, he stirs.

TSE: Johnny Farelli, ladies and... gents, i guess.

A stock sound effect of three people clapping play as JOHNNY FARELLI enters the stage from behind the curtain. He eyes TALK SHOW ENTITY with a cautious stare. JOHNNY approaches the guest chair with light footing, as if walking around eggshells.

TSE: There are no eggshells on the floor, buddy.

JOHNNY sits down on the guest chair, flinches as a racoon slips out from under the cushion and bolts offstage.

JAY: How would you know?
TSE: I ate them already.
JAY: ...
TSE: It was within the ten-minute rule.
JAY: That's ten-second rule.
TSE: ... Huh... No wonder I get sick all the time.
JAY: Soooo... how's things?
TSE: The high's wearing off.
JAY: Was that legal?
TSE: I didn't ingest the fifteen pounds of shrooms during the broadcast, it's perfectly legal.
JAY: Isn't that law specifically referring to alcohol?
TSE: Are you suggesting there's no law for other drugs?
JAY: The opposite. I'm pretty sure there's a specific law for that sort of thi-
TSE: Breaking Bad shows someone taking heroin on-screen.
JAY: A-wha-
TSE: Lots of booze drinking, lots of smoking pot- oh, and the meth as well. Lots of meth.
JAY: Uhh...
TSE: Plenty of drugs there being used, you know?
JAY: That's not broadcast TV, though.
TSE: Why are they so strict about shows like us? It's silly.
JAY: Where are you going with this?
TSE: Where I'm going is... I have a serious case of the munchies.
JAY: Ok.
TSE: You're a real beefcake. Mind if I take a bite from that thick arm of yours?
JAY: What.
TSE: You got muscle tissue for days.

TALK SHOW ENTITY clumsily clambers over the ruins of his desk. Over his face, a large mouth forms, and starts chomping at air.

JAY: Uhh...

JOHNNY gets out of his chair and backs away.

JAY: Don't you have catering?
TSE: Once.
JAY: Did you eat them too?
TSE: No, they just left.
JAY: I can hardly imagine why.

TALK SHOW ENTITY is now chasing JOHNNY in circles around the stage.

TSE: You got more meat than any one man should have!
JAY: I'm perfectly lean! The texture and taste won't be pleasant! Also stop trying to bite me!
TSE: Feed me!
JAY: You're crazy, dude!
TSE: Feed me!
JAY: I'll buy you McDonald's if you stop!
TSE: ... ok
JAY: Oh thank goodness.

The chase finally stops. Cut to TALK SHOW ENTITY and JOHNNY at a McDonald's. They are sitting on opposite sides of a table. TALK SHOW ENTITY has a pile of burgers and a pile of burger wrappers, while JOHNNY ordered a salad.

TSE: HAHA! you fell right for my trap! It was all an elaborate ruse to get you to buy me McDonald's!
JAY: ...
TSE: Anyway, I got a question here from a bloke named Hugh Jass.

TALK SHOW ENTITY leans in close.

TSE: What... do you plan to do with your life?
JAY: I'm gonna be a musician.
TSE: And if that falls through?
JAY: ... What?
TSE: The arts are competitive, and the sad truth is that for great success, it's not what you know- it's who you know. Would you have managed to get a job at a blacksmith's if you hadn't gotten in such a perfect position to prove your worth to a stubborn old man?
JAY: ... Huh...

JOHNNY leans back.

JAY: I never thought of it like that.
TSE: Not to mention you're useless at computers. A lot of indie musicians nowadays rely on a myriad of things on the internet. Youtube, Soundcloud, Bandcamp. That's not even counting the recording and post-production applications that are industry-standard nowadays. You don't know how to use any of those, do you?
JAY: No... Well, I know how to set up mics and stuff.
TSE: Well, I suggest you figure things out on that end... especially since you want to be a musician.
JAY: That's... unexpectedly helpful. Thanks, man.
TSE: Hey, look at all these cheeseburgers I made you buy me. It's the least I can do.
JAY: ... Wait... are you suggesting you're not gonna pay me ba-

TALK SHOW ENTITY vanishes in a puff of smoke.

JAY: ... Well shit.

[HolyJunkie]

Instead of the interior location of the stereotypically cheap talk show stage, the scene opens on the interior of a court room. The Author, JUNK, wears a powdered wig and long black robes, sits at the tallest podium with a gavel in one hand.

JUNK: This mallet sucks…

The Bailiff, KAZE, glances at JUNK.

JUNK: What?

KAZE says nothing, but smirks a knowing smirk.

JUNK: Yeah, I know they’re running late. They say court’s in session at 9:00 sharp, we’re here an hour early because it’s our jobs, but they don’t even arrive.

KAZE checks her watch. It is currently 10:23

JUNK: I just wanted to play Animal Crossing, brah. Na’am sayin?

KAZE does not know what JUNK is saying. However, before she can say something along the lines of “You’re a silly person”, the doors at the far end swing open.

JUNK: Finally!

TALK SHOW ENTITY arrives, with a smile on his face. He waves to KAZE, who purses her lips in obvious, unbridled disdain.

TSE: Sorry we’re late, your… wait, what the fuck?
JUNK: Surprised?
TSE: Nah, I knew you were egotistical. I’m talkin’ about the Camera guy there! Don’t you know we’re not supposed to have recordings in the court room?
JUNK: Well, this is a high-profile case, sooo…

TALK SHOW ENTITY tears up.

TSE: I’m… high profile? *sniff* I’m so honoured!

JUNK gives TSE a weird look, he doesn’t even notice PANDORA entering the room and taking a seat in the audience benches.

Followed by TALK SHOW ENTITY is Johnny Farelli, (JAY). They are both led respectively to the prosecutor and defendant tables.

JUNK: Marigold, back again, I see.
JAY: My name’s Johnny.
JUNK: Close enough. All rise.

Everyone stays put.

PANDORA: Doesn’t the Bailiff say “All rise”?

JUNK: Everyone would’ve been able to do the introductions proper if they had all arrived on time. *glares at TSE and JAY* Anyway, take your seats.

Everyone stays put, since they were already taking their seats.

JUNK: Alright, let’s get on with this. *he opens a booklet with the police report.* According to the police report, This guy- the prosecution- *points at TSE* keeps harassed the defendant and also kidnapped the defendant to stick in a cell, and now the prosecution claims that the defendant was carrying a sword with- and I quote- “intent to use as a weapon.” *whispering* the ingenuity.

PANDORA plays on her phone, clearly uninterested in the proceedings.

JUNK: Then the prosecution and two of his associates- both guards for the cell… of kidnapping, and you then arrested him and- … None of this makes sense. Alright, let’s hear it from you.

TSE: Well, it went down like this: I went into his cell, someone beat the shit out of me, prisoner was asleep, someone beat the shit out of that guy. We got into a bit of a tussle, someone whacked the prisoner... I picked up the sword... The defendant now stands before you. He picked up a sword, or whatever. Somewhere in there proves that... i did it- HE did it. See? He did it.

AUTHOR (JUNK) looks at TALK SHOW ENTITY, unamused.

JUNK: I don't think this man ever picked up "the sword". I think you three motherfuckers fought in his cell and he... also got fought. Furthermore, you're decreasing his intelligence significantly.
JAY: Does that mean I get to leave?
JUNK: It means Talk Show Entity owes you twelve bucks.
TSE: What?! That’s bullshit!
JUNK: It’s twelve bucks.
JAY: Twelve bucks can go a long way if you use it right.
JUNK: This is the rich part of town. Everyone wants to be in the right and hold onto their money no matter what. Now get the hell outta here.

JUNK slams the gavel, then collapses onto the floor, snoring. All leave, except for KAZE and PANDORA. KAZE produces a sharpie pen and draws on JUNK’S face.

PANDORA: Nice.