This is the official write-up for QBsuperstar versus Total Brave.
This judgment write-up will encompass several areas, including Tactics, Grammar, Description, and Character Presence. Each of these sections are capable of giving points on a five point scale, making a total of 20 points available for each player. The player at the end of this write-up with the most points, wins the fight. Simple as that. Should a tie result, however, another round of posting will begin and then that section will be judged, deciding the victor of the fight.
It's a fairly simple judging style, and should be comprehensive for all who read it to understand. That being said, let's begin:
Total Brave Post 1:
Along the edge of the Great Kyrvktz bog there was a massive hole filled with the aura of death and misfortune as Mystogaln within the middle of a large skeleton of a fierce creature stood taking in his surroundings after being teleported for the match at hand.
This is a massive, even gargantuan, run on sentence. Until you get to the period, there is no form of punctuation even present. This, in an of itself, is a massive mistake in the grammar section.
Walking along the dirt sand under him and the blazing sky above with he watched as sand was blown across his sapphire hair and white scarf covering his lower part of his face and mouth.
Another run on sentence, and a few other remarkable mistakes. You say in this section "dirt sand". That makes no sense. Sand is sand, and dirt is dirt. There is a few major differences between the two, including texture and clumping. Sand doesn't often clump, and is usually in the form of grains, while dirt can be clumped together, and is more solid on the ground than sand.
The part referencing your scarf will become all the more important later on.
"Hermes Wind" suddenly from under mystogaln a heavy force of wind sends him skying into the air as though he had wings and he made all the way to the above and beast balancing his feet on the tip of the rip as he at least gotten blown 30 feet high looking upon the canvas of the area.
Yet another run on sentence, and yet another multitude of grammatical mistakes that will end up costing you points in the end. I won't go through this entire thing, pointing out every single mistake you made. Frankly, I don't have the time for that. However, I will point out that the term you should have used in this section was "flying" not "skying". Skying is not a word, in any way. When writing a post, TB, I would suggest you do the work in Microsoft Word, or another -- similar -- word processor, so that you can be shown the errors you make and have a chance to fix them.
However, you didn't do a HORRIBLE job of entrancing the area. You used what you had at your disposal to gain what could, eventually, be seen as a dominant position.
Points for TB Post 1:
Tactics: 4
Grammar: 0
Description: 2
Character Presence: 4
Total: 10
QBsuperstar post 1:
It mattered not to him, though; he was an assassin, not an archaeologist.
So, I'm not comfortable with the way you used the semi-colon, QB. I'm not 100% sure you used it wrongly, or even in the wrong place, it's just something I'm comfortable with seeing in that location.
The perpetual twilight of the plane made detecting his enemy difficult, even if the two of them were confined to the central region of the depression with the skeleton in it, a grim reminder to both of a very real possibility for the loser.
I think you should have split that into two separate sentences. It would have increased the flow of your posting, and made the writing much better.
Over-all, QB, your post has few mistakes. And none of them are truly remarkable, uncommon mistakes. I think that, in this case, some of the mistake I see might be more to a personal preference of writing rather than any actual grammatical error.
You use what you can to be tactically sound. Listening and watching for any sign of a threat already in the area, as well as the threat of your opponent. Good show, old chap.
Points for QB Post 1:
Tactics: 4
Grammar: 4
Description: 3
Character Presence: 3
Total: 14
Total Brave post 2From afar within Mystogaln gazes sees an moving structure moving along the skeleton as he had watched predicting that his opponent has now arrived.
This sentence makes absolutely no sense. You can't 'gaze from afar' within. Nothing about this pale excuse for a sentence makes sense. Again, I suggest you use a word processor to search for your mistakes in your writing.
Wiping off his cloak Mystogaln starts to walk along the spine of the great beast again to try a greet himself to his opposition and to get a better physical description of him to see how rough an opponent he'll have in this match.
Another ungodly run-on sentence. A specifically horrid part of this sentence is "try a greet". So far, you have a good tactical mind, not the best, but decent enough for this juncture of your career.
Before long within the distance he from somewhat afar his proved to be considerably tall in stature and worn a strange white mask on his covering his true face which he finds not all that weird of what he was wearing himself. Still with one of his mage staff out in his right hand Mystogaln waves from the distance hoping his target would see as he murmur to himself again, "Hmmm should I really be showing of kindness to a person I'll be trying to kill, oh well", Mystogaln suddenly feeling dumb about himself for a moment just couldn't help but put a grin across his face cause after the greeting there will be no smiling faces to look upon.
This entire section is...for lack of a better term...bad. The writing in it is nowhere near what I would consider acceptable. I assumed that, by joining the tournament itself, you were agreeing to a degree of aptitude. I apologize for overly insulting you, I don't mean to, but I find it hard to go through your posts without taking long pauses. That being said, I'll try to refrain from saying anything that could be too offensive for the remainder of this write-up, at the same time I'll be more concise and condense each post into a single paragraph's worth of comments.
TB Post 2 Points:
Tactics: 3
Grammar:1
Description:1
C.P: 1
Total: 6
QB post 2:
Good tactics in not responding to him because of the way he could find you with your voice. Good post, all around. Grammar is decent, you keep well to the character described in the profile. I like the fact that you know your crossbow weapon and plan to use it effectively. Most people are lax when it comes to ranged weapons, afraid to use them and what not. I like that you're not. Out of the norm factors always win points with me.
QB post 2 Points:
Tactics: 3
Grammar: 4
Description: 4
C.P: 4
I'll cut out the whole post-by-post commentary now, and just give the feelings on the rest of the fight.
Throughout the entire thing, both characters display decent tactics. However, QB's writing, description, and c.p are continuously above TB's own. TB constantly falls into the peril of run-on sentences, and at one point even breaks the rules of T1 fighting as a whole.
Furthermore, when I mentioned that the part about the scarf would become important later on, I meant it. The scarf as described, TB, only covers your mouth and neck. Your posts and profile give no reason for me to see your character as anything other than a powerful human being, meaning he still breaths primarily through his nose. Because of this, covering your mouth would do nothing for the poisonous vapors that would inherently be brought through your nostrils into your blood-stream. That alone would make you fall victim to QB's poison anyway, and given that you're behind in points all throughout this fight, I declare the winner:
QBsuperstar03!
The point totals -- had I done the post-by-post for the entire fight -- would come out around:
QB: 115
to
TB: 45
Overall, QB has out-written you, used better tactics (kudos on the poison vial and use of doublespeak btw, QB), and had a better descriptive factor than you throughout the entire fight.
Therefore, QB is awarded the win, and moves on to Round 2.
Good fight, both of you.