Writers Roleplaying the Other Gender

Magician · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Magician** on Sun Feb 08, 2009 6:37 pm

There has been debate on this site over the rule disallowing any request for a writer’s gender, and I’d like to throw in my own two cents about this.

I believe that at the root of this problem lies an unhealthy relationship with roleplay. Some people are bothered by a writer’s roleplay as the opposite gender in a romance RP because they have intense personal feelings about the roleplays they take part in, and don't want this kind of emotional relationship with someone of a different gender to the gender that is being roleplayed. That is understandable, but these people use rp in a way that is unintended. Roleplay should be fun; it should not be intensely emotional for the writer.

On the other hand, another reason some believe that writers should not attempt to roleplay the opposite gender is because of their opinion that different genders have different points of view. This is harmless, but I disagree. I know this is a very widely debated issue, with many books on the subject having recently been published. However, I would challenge proponents of this view to point out an instance of a male writer obviously failing to roleplay a female character, or vice versa. I would also point out how many of the most popular novels of our time involve an author of one gender writing about a main character of the opposite gender.

Kestrel said the preference that writers only roleplay same-gender characters is “Similar to saying; "I don't want you to play a white character because you're black."” and added, “ 90% of the serious roleplayers use a character with a personality different from their own anyway.” I fervently agree.

Thus I do not publish my gender on this site, not because I truly care if most know my gender or not, but because I do not want my roleplay to be judged based on my gender.

Ottoman · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Ottoman** on Sun Feb 08, 2009 6:46 pm

I see your point, Magician, I however, must both agree and disagree.

I don't play members of the Opposite Gender often, and frankly the reason why I do so is because I don't really think I know how they think and act. It's a question of comprehension for me. I however, would like to, but I do not understand how in all circumstances.

Magician · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Magician** on Sun Feb 08, 2009 7:39 pm

I really have no problem with that at all. It's just when some get upset that other writers roleplay the opposite gender that irks me.

By the way, irk is a great word.

MentalEngineer · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **MentalEngineer** on Sun Feb 08, 2009 9:00 pm

Ottoman wrote:I see your point, Magician, I however, must both agree and disagree.

I don't play members of the Opposite Gender often, and frankly the reason why I do so is because I don't really think I know how they think and act. It's a question of comprehension for me. I however, would like to, but I do not understand how in all circumstances.

This. I mean, let's be honest. If I understood the female mind, would I really be on the Internet all the time?

Safisan · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Safisan** on Sun Feb 08, 2009 9:19 pm

MentalEngineer wrote:This. I mean, let's be honest. If I understood the female mind, would I really be on the Internet all the time?

Guess not XD. I'm not too picky about the skill my fellow roleplayers have, much less would I be picky about their gender. I do believe, however, that there is a kind of insight one of the character's gender could only provide, but if roleplaying is meant to be just for fun, gender shouldn't be a big deal. If it is, how come having a different age/race/time/personality/etc from your character is so easy you can do it in every roleplay you're in?

If you're used to roleplaying with just males, females, members of a same race and whatnot, I can only suggest you stop, the insight they can provide, which is very little compared to actual skill, isn't worth the psychological effect it has on your social skills. (Yes, posting here is somewhat social :O)

Ottoman · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Ottoman** on Sun Feb 08, 2009 9:42 pm

MentalEngineer wrote:This. I mean, let's be honest. If I understood the female mind, would I really be on the Internet all the time?

You, sir, make an excellent point.

Domika · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Domika** on Sun Feb 08, 2009 10:11 pm

It'd be interesting to see, in serious role-play scenes, if it's more common for females to play the opposite sex as a character or males. I'm leaning towards females personally but I'd like to hear other's thoughts on it.

Ottoman wrote:I see your point, Magician, I however, must both agree and disagree.

I don't play members of the Opposite Gender often, and frankly the reason why I do so is because I don't really think I know how they think and act. It's a question of comprehension for me. I however, would like to, but I do not understand how in all circumstances.

I've played both genders myself without much issue since I don't find it comes down to completely having to understand the mind of the opposite gender. Like Safisan said up above, we manage to play strange races in different worlds and time..if we can imagine how they would act and react, surely we can make a good enough guess of the opposite gender. Just take into the account things like physical differences and adjust your writing to fit it. Example if you're playing a female you might use attributes such as;
Slender, lithe, curvaceous, delicate
For men;
Robust, rugged, lean, strong
Just using basic, stereotyped terms here but I'm sure you understand what I'm getting at.

You only need a reasonable understanding of how the opposite gender would react to certain situations, depending of course on the character's personality which is really what depicts their actions rather than their gender. A woman might blush to a kiss on the cheek, lower her eyes demurely, have a coy smile or even stiffen and grind her back teeth in agitation. A man, when confronted, might straighten his shoulders, narrow his gaze and steady his stance or perhaps grin sheepishly with a mock bow and scramble on out of there. As long as you don't forget to adjust your pose to suit the gender and attributes you've given your character, such as a man being taller or stronger than a female or the female being more manipulative in her moves while a man might try to be more foreboding, then you really shouldn't have much issue.

If people want to take it to the romantic side of things most people should still have a basic understanding of how people react, rebuff or return affections. They either act it out how they themselves would want someone to respond if the roles were reversed or try to act it out as they believe someone of their character's personality would. Some might be sarcastic and guarded, some cling to it and can be overbearing, some are polite and quietly enjoy the attention, etc.
I think if you want to try it out then go ahead and do it

If you're a male who is worried about getting a female's responses correct..play a tomboy or a female with the attitude of a blunt, rough warrior.

And like Magician said, many wonderful writers easily depict both genres in their stories so just keep reading books and you'll end up picking up tips for any things you're not sure over.

p.s. sorry for the text wall

having a boring day so I'm overwriting everything.

Safisan · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Safisan** on Sun Feb 08, 2009 10:30 pm

Sorry for what? Your opinion? It's a nice read :O, although I don't really like the idea of just following a stereotype blindly, it's almost a necessity for those playing a fantasy race. And I like what you're saying about playing a tomboy, I'm trying to break into roleplaying the opposite gender, I have a hyperactive character and one that rather lacks a personality of her own. With that, I can just focus on their actions more than their personality.

Where I'm going with this is if it's really necessary to go along with a stereotype for the sake of roleplaying something outside of yourself. With a fantasy race, well... The stereotype is all we have, considering they don't exist. I'm afraid the opposite gender does and they don't usually follow a stereotype, at least the people I hang around with don't.

Domika · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Domika** on Mon Feb 09, 2009 1:04 am

I only put up the stereotypical actions because people can relate to it best. I think for people treading new waters with switching genders it can make it a lot easier for them to feel more confident before they start trying to experiment with their characters. If all of us were so easily stereotyped by our gender then relationships probably wouldn't be so frustrating at times! lol

My first male characters I ended up playing where because they were in situations were typically females weren't found. Gave me a chance to try something new

it was very enjoyable but then I'll admit later on I made females for the same circumstances as well just because it's a challenge to try to make them work in an environment that doesn't necessarily suit them. Let me know how the female character goes for you, always interesting to hear other people's experiences.

LawOfTheLand · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **LawOfTheLand** on Tue Feb 17, 2009 1:52 pm

The rule around one RP group I went to was that you could only RP across the gender gap if no members of the opposite sex were there to contradict how you were roleplaying your character. Since it was a mixed group, well, I think you can understand how that went. (I eventually left because every game would eventually devolve into a series of games of Starcraft and one chick kept antagonizing me.)

It works for face-to-face RPs (playing D&D and so forth), but I'm not sure how well it works for forum roleplays. Still, I have to admit I have more male characters than female ones.

Wakboth · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Wakboth** on Tue Mar 03, 2009 6:58 am

I have made two female characters, ever. (I'm male) I have played one of them and will soon play the other. But the way I see it, it's your character: how they react may not be typically 'female' but why does this matter? No one is a typical, form fitting person and we all act differently to certain stimuli, and in different situations or at different times.

My one female character was an Aslan Bounty Hunter, from a game called Traveller (aslan, humanoid but with lion features, not to be confused with Narnia's answer to Jesus, though they got the word for the race from it) She was female purely because the males of her race rarely travel past their own planets or do jobs like bounty hunting. But it made for a good experience.

My other female character is a Warjack handler/mechanic (Warjack = big steam-powered robot) in a game called Iron Kingdoms. Whilst I am not a girl, I don't see why I should have any particular trouble roleplaying a young girl, or why more to the point I should be prohibited from doing so.

Also, if some would go so far as to say black people cannot be white, nor white people black or any other ethnic cross over, then again I would have to defy that, I played a character in Stargate, Colonel Waldo Dobbs, who was a black guy, but I'm white. I had no problems playing a black person, because A: the issue of race didn't spring up, nor should it in a world where we're meant not to distinguish such things. B: I wasn't playing him like some weird stereotype who had corn-rows and ate chicken. He was an normal (well actually he was bloody weird, as most of my characters are but you get the idea) human being and it made no difference from a roleplaying perspective that he was black, it was a choice made based on how I visualised my character idea when character conception time came around.

Similarly, if you cannot play people of other genders or ethnicites due to not having an idea on how they would act and react, then you can never play a member of an alien race, or a fantasy race, nor to extend this could you play murderers, or spaceship owners, or any number of personalities you have no experience of.

By this opinion, a pacifist could never play a killer, a criminal could never play a police man, an adult could never play a child? It's the stuff of nonsense, surely the entire idea behind roleplaying is the coming together of ideas and people, to create a convincing and enjoyable world and convincing and believable characters that share, or have alone experiences that we ourselves do not have. Not because our lives are necessarily poor, but because in some way or another, for whatever reason we all enjoy exploring the possibilities of different kinds of lives and how events would mold a person, or the person mold the events.

Sure, people will get this wrong sometimes, and their reaction may not be accurate, or whatever. But . . . unless I'm much, much mistaken, it's their character to write about, not yours!

Safisan · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Safisan** on Wed Mar 04, 2009 9:33 pm

So true, Wakboth. At its core, who cares if you don't roleplay 'how you should'? As long as you stick to the character you're using, and its personality remains its own during the course of the roleplay, there really shouldn't be an issue. I don't think people with other skin colors act much differently; I can understand cultural differences, or culinary... There's a bloody taco stand every few street corners here, no joke! But that shouldn't affect one's character unless the roleplay asks you make emphasis on such.

If it's a well developed character, chances are you'll know how to react to something not according to a stereotype, but rather according to said character's attitude. It's reasons like those that keep me from playing a clique roleplay, because you're actually asked to emphasize on stereotypes.

Mid · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Mid** on Tue Mar 10, 2009 12:41 am

<<...

People are so anal about same gender rp'ers because they feel uncomfortable kissing the same gender... which can lead to many thoughts.

Are they just in it for the cybering?

Are they sexists?

Are they afraid they might look gay?

Are they really narrowminded?

It's really silly when I have people trying to fight a rule set to benefit the members and remove a silly restriction that prevents fellow role players to expand beyond the norm. I'd said... they're afraid to experience something aside from what they're use too. Hopefully with this "no gender requests" rule, it will help them to grow up and see more then the writer's gender.

For those who don't see it, too bad.

Elessarina · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Elessarina** on Thu Mar 12, 2009 2:59 am

I agree with the OP. Although it is on average a bit more difficult to play characters of the opposite gender (some individuals might find the inverse is true for themselves, of course), convincing or unconvincing characters stand on their own merits. You might as well say it's harder to play an ancient Greek than a modern person, but that doesn't stop people doing it (although admittedly people are much less likely to notice if your ancient Greek character is too modern). Personally I can't see why people get hung up on the characteristics of a player instead of their character -- the whole point of roleplay is to create somebody separate from yourself and play them. Exactly how different the character is is, in my opinion, a matter of the writer's choice, interest and skill level.

I'm not really qualified to comment on cybersex since it's in my "absolutely will not do" pile, but what exactly are people worried about? That the anonymous person on the internet who is reading the erotic fiction that they (the person with the problem) anonymously co-authored is not the gender that they're attracted to? If you're trying for a connection with the writer, why connect primarily through fictional characters? Surely if the character is portrayed correctly, the personal details of the writer are of no consequence?

Mid · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Mid** on Thu Mar 12, 2009 10:53 pm

Here's why... most ppl who role play nowadays do not role play to entertain us readers, they're doing it for themselves.

Comrade Vacilli · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Comrade Vacilli** on Thu Mar 12, 2009 11:01 pm

XD, only stupid harcore idiots would think it's wrong. The mass majorty of my characters are female and I'm a guy so yea, seriously. I don't give a crap unless you actually do nasty things with it I'm looking at you Zarian and whitewolf.
Yea, even on RPG's even casual players say you must be your gender, I'm very casual player so I jsut go around and flick them off and get my entertainmeant

EDIT Now In frnech, what I'm saying is Je me'n fous go figure

Elessarina · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Elessarina** on Fri Mar 13, 2009 6:09 am

Myrin wrote:Here's why... most ppl who role play nowadays do not role play to entertain us readers, they're doing it for themselves.

What's that got to do with anything? If I rp with somebody with a male character and enjoy doing so, does it matter if that character's author is male or female?

Wakboth · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Wakboth** on Fri Mar 13, 2009 1:49 pm

When they have an issue with the others gender due to kissing/sexual or romantic roleplaying then you do have to wonder why they are roleplayign at all. I've had characters go to bed with my friends characters, predominately male. Not in a descriptive or particularly important way but simply because it fitted the course of the narrative at the time, or made sense considering the personalities of the characters interacting. There is little point being afraid of such things, just because you yourself would not commit a certain action, this does not mean you should have your character act the same.

For a less sexual example, I have played incredibly agressive, powerful fascist and arguably downright malovelent characters, for example a character called Drake Malacorr, who I played in Star Wars was turned to the darkside within a matter of weeks after first contact with a darksided force user because he was so angry and hatefilled.

Yet in reality, I'm a passive, communist who's about as malovelent as a daffodil. But should this mean I refrain from butchering innocent, weaponless people or committing an act of totalitarian domination in character because in reality I would never seek to do such things? If you're roleplaying based on your personal comfort, then there is little point.

If I was to simply refuse to play characters which provided any real deviation from my own personality, every game would see me play some barely different redhaired 18 year old who goes to college everyday and sees his friends like most 18 year olds. I would never play an amoral, self-serving, narcassistic and slightly personality defficient changeling with a split personality disorder who spends most of his time pretending to be a rather cultured half-orc with a passion for the lute. XD So why should anyone refuse to play a person of another gender?

Mid · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **Mid** on Fri Mar 13, 2009 3:26 pm

Elessarina wrote:
Myrin wrote:Here's why... most ppl who role play nowadays do not role play to entertain us readers, they're doing it for themselves.

What's that got to do with anything? If I rp with somebody with a male character and enjoy doing so, does it matter if that character's author is male or female?

Meaning that you're not the only one RP'ing. It's a group effort. I'm not saying you shouldn't enjoy RP'ing, in fact you should yet so should others who read what you dish out.

koalapanda · **Tips:** 0.00 INK by **koalapanda** on Fri Mar 13, 2009 4:45 pm

I think that people are usually uncomfortable when they stray too far from what they know and accept as their normal world view. Most of the people who RP read a lot, or watch a lot of movies, or play a lot of narrative-based video games, and are well versed in stepping outside their normal zones of perception. Look at how popular the fantasy forum is. On the other hand, there is a cultural taboo against behaving too much like a member of the opposite sex. Even on the internet, where nobody knows who you are, people are often compelled to stick to one specific gender role. They feel, often incorrectly, that they can't relate to men or women and shouldn't really be able to. This is, of course, complete crap.

I'm kind of a weird case because I'm a girl but I have mostly male characters. I'm very tomboyish in real life (varsity wrestling team, baggy clothes, etc, etc) and have always admired male characters in books or movies more than female characters, so I usually end up playing boys or manly girls. I actually have more problems playing as typical female characters than as typical male characters. Go figure.

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